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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset - wedding guest related.

186 replies

BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 08:41

Yesterday we were at a wedding of BIL and his partner. DS (2 yrs) and DD (1yr) were page boy and bridesmaid - not the only ones. DH and DSIL were witnesses.

It was in France so first civil ceremony, then church. The civil was important, not just bureaucracy.

So, DH and kids, DSIL and her husband who was taking photos for the ceremony and DMIL and DFIL and I all arrive together. We're running late. It starts raining and we've got to walk about 500 metres to get to the ceremony. Everybody had umbrellas, apart from DH and I (didn't have any with us as when we packed to leave, it was supposed to be sunny). Everyone was standing outside, with umbrellas or under the lid of the boot sheltering. I realised the time and that they would be really late if they didn't leave then, so said I'd wait with DD (no rain cover for buggy) until it stopped raining then come up. DH hesitated, the rest turned and went.

Up until here, I have no problem.

By the time they arrived at the registry office (equivalent) the rain was harder and it was clear that it wasn't about to stop any time soon.

I ended up staying in the car with DD for the whole ceremony. There was absolutely no way we could come without coats or umbrellas.

I think that it would have been considerate to ask someone in the extended family to nip down with some umbrellas so we could join, when it was clear that the rain wasn't going to stop. They'd have missed 10 mins max of the ceremony if they'd come when DH etc arrived. They did ask someone in extended family (DH couldn't leave after the ceremony apparently) to come after the ceremony had finished.

So WIBU to be a bit upset at being left in the car? DH says I volunteered, so how did they know I didn't want to be in the car Confused and I think that having driven 10 hours to get here with two young children, it was obvious that sitting in the car alone with DD wasn't my plan.

OP posts:
BlondePieceOffFluff · 07/08/2014 13:14

Delfino Because most posters have been too impressed with their own planning skills and inventiveness (is that a word?) to see it, I assume

MegMogandOwlToo · 07/08/2014 13:17

You stayed in the car because it was raining?!

Are you serious? Is this a reverse? What am I missing here?

middlings · 07/08/2014 13:21

Blonde one of the options was changing her into other clothes which the OP said she had in the car and changing her back into her good ones.

I've been at weddings in some pretty small civil venues in France, but I have yet to see one that is one room.

Passive aggressive sarcasm isn't a nice trait by the way.

lettertoherms · 07/08/2014 13:24

Why didn't you get out when everyone else was and share the umbrellas, as your ds did?

Why didn't you say "Husband, pop back with an umbrella for DD and I once you drop DS off."

You said you were going to follow on. You didn't. When were they supposed to realize that? Let's say it would be at least 17 minutes until you appeared - 10 for the rain to stop, 7 for the walk. So maybe after 20 minutes they realize you haven't shown up. By then the ceremony is going, probably has been for 10 minutes. Should DH leave the ceremony so that you can come to the last 15 minutes, at best? Miss the middle and cause two big disruptions?

Answer honestly OP, do you have form for this? Enough they'd go, "Where's Bunny?" "Oh she's having a sulk in the car again because we didn't have umbrellas,"? every family has one If you do, I'd assume they've learned to leave you to it.

BlondePieceOffFluff · 07/08/2014 13:25

middling And smugness is?

middlings · 07/08/2014 13:38

Don't know - you'd have to tell me about that!

BlondePieceOffFluff · 07/08/2014 13:48

middling Well, I don't know how smugness feels from the viewpoint of being smug, but having witnessed it on this thread I would have to say it is not a nice trait at all.

noblegiraffe · 07/08/2014 13:49

Blonde are you saying you would have sat helplessly in the car for forty minutes too?

Beeyump · 07/08/2014 13:50

Cake Brew

KillashandraRee · 07/08/2014 13:57

I love this thread Grin

KillashandraRee · 07/08/2014 13:58

OP sorry but maybe instead of being upset you can try and see the humour in it?

MrsMikeDelfino · 07/08/2014 14:04

You said you were going to follow on. You didn't. When were they supposed to realize that?

Exactly. Also, if the dd was the bridesmaid, how come no-one noticed that she wasn't there?
Something about this story just doesn't add up. I call balls.

nauticant · 07/08/2014 14:06

It's simple OP. A number of people misjudged the situation including you, there was a bit of you getting lost in the detail while a big event was going on, but overall it was a minor misfortune with no one getting hurt.

I'd say your choice now is to laugh it off as one of those things or to hold it tight close to your heart as a little dense ball of resentment.

Salmotrutta · 07/08/2014 14:07

Blonde - the DH wasn't formless, he was part of the wedding group as an official witness.

He probably assumed the rain had eased and that OP had snuck in at the back of the service.

Everyone would have been rather more focused on the bride and groom - not craning their necks to look back and see if OP had arrived don't you think?

soverylucky · 07/08/2014 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salmotrutta · 07/08/2014 14:08

gormless, not "formless".

Although he may have form for this sort of thing...

Salmotrutta · 07/08/2014 14:09

And by the time anyone realised that the one year old bridesmaid was missing it would be too late to delay things further surely?

soverylucky · 07/08/2014 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatsCantTwerk · 07/08/2014 14:17

I was at a wedding yesterday, it rained, we got wet and we are still alive today to tell the tale Shock

2rebecca · 07/08/2014 14:51

Seems odd to have a 1 year old bridesmaid, usually you have to be able to walk and hold a train/ behave/ help look after the bride not be a liability for the bride to watch.

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 07/08/2014 14:52

Was the cheese nice?

QuintessentiallyQS · 07/08/2014 14:55

Must have been acid rain, for you to be so scared of it, and not have anything, not even a plastic bag to shelter under..... Hmm

Original poster
BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 15:02

Wow!
Well!
I like "the cheese train" - that's flipping fantastic! Wish I'd have thought of that as we were chugging along behind the flipping cheese!

Obviously I'm not going to agree with all the posts and neither would DH who is of a different opinion than me. It is interesting seeing your logic though (those who think IABU) and see it more from the other side.

And yes to whoever said that if I turned up soaking - with DD too - that we'd have turned attention to us. The family is one that is generally very kind, to a fault, and would have most likely faffed around us for the rest of the day making a massive fuss - NOT what I'd have wanted - and that would have been more martyrish, at least to me. However I can see why it seems like self imposed martyrdom to have stayed in the car.

And well done to everyone who leaves the house with changes of clothes, blankets, hats, sunscreen, plastic bags, for each of their kids every time they go out, especially when on holiday. I salute you and your organisational skills!

The only thing left to add is that I don't drive or of course I'd have driven - I wouldn't have sat like a wet blanket waiting for a brolly!

OP posts:
Lezprechaun · 07/08/2014 15:06

You should have just got wet, it's rain it won't kill you! You say it was supposed to be nice weather but then everyone else had umbrellas so clearly other people were prepared. I don't think you can blame anyone else for you arriving late and unprepared for the weather and you certainly can't blame anyone else for you staying in the car like you chose. Why don't you just do what most people do and store the raincover and umbrella in the car? Then you are always prepared.

Heels99 · 07/08/2014 15:08

But why were you waiting for an umbrella when you told everyone you would follow them when it stopped raining?

Hope you had a fab time apart from this set back