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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset - wedding guest related.

186 replies

BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 08:41

Yesterday we were at a wedding of BIL and his partner. DS (2 yrs) and DD (1yr) were page boy and bridesmaid - not the only ones. DH and DSIL were witnesses.

It was in France so first civil ceremony, then church. The civil was important, not just bureaucracy.

So, DH and kids, DSIL and her husband who was taking photos for the ceremony and DMIL and DFIL and I all arrive together. We're running late. It starts raining and we've got to walk about 500 metres to get to the ceremony. Everybody had umbrellas, apart from DH and I (didn't have any with us as when we packed to leave, it was supposed to be sunny). Everyone was standing outside, with umbrellas or under the lid of the boot sheltering. I realised the time and that they would be really late if they didn't leave then, so said I'd wait with DD (no rain cover for buggy) until it stopped raining then come up. DH hesitated, the rest turned and went.

Up until here, I have no problem.

By the time they arrived at the registry office (equivalent) the rain was harder and it was clear that it wasn't about to stop any time soon.

I ended up staying in the car with DD for the whole ceremony. There was absolutely no way we could come without coats or umbrellas.

I think that it would have been considerate to ask someone in the extended family to nip down with some umbrellas so we could join, when it was clear that the rain wasn't going to stop. They'd have missed 10 mins max of the ceremony if they'd come when DH etc arrived. They did ask someone in extended family (DH couldn't leave after the ceremony apparently) to come after the ceremony had finished.

So WIBU to be a bit upset at being left in the car? DH says I volunteered, so how did they know I didn't want to be in the car Confused and I think that having driven 10 hours to get here with two young children, it was obvious that sitting in the car alone with DD wasn't my plan.

OP posts:
FrenchJunebug · 07/08/2014 11:54

what about you DH?! Couldn't he have come back with an umbrella?!

hatsybatsy · 07/08/2014 12:03

I really just don't understand this thread at all. OP says that the civil ceremony was key and that she therefore drove 10 hours for nothing.

when people who understand French weddings point out that the church bit is the more personal, enjoyable element of the day, she strops that to discuss that would be a whole different thread.

PLEASE people - she is the victim here - the nasty in laws forced her to drive 10 hours just to sit in the car for 40 minutes alone in the rain before driving the 10 hours home........

Beeyump · 07/08/2014 12:04

Yes, OP's resentment seems to be bubbling away madly in the background. The cheese-loving FIL does sound a pain though...

Marnierose · 07/08/2014 12:04

Ha this is a joke thread right?!

Happyringo · 07/08/2014 12:10

I'm a bit confused...

OP did you miss everything? Or did you make it to the church bit/reception etc? (Am also wondering if you missed all the photos)

tiggytape · 07/08/2014 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noblegiraffe · 07/08/2014 12:25

I tried to picture myself in this situation and can't imagine sitting in the car for 40 minutes doing nothing but fume about other people not rescuing me because they were at a wedding and I'd told them not to worry.

I'd have formulated a plan and executed it. I have a 1 year old and always carry spare clothes in the changing bag so she'd have been changed into those then back into the good ones at the wedding. I'd have probably fashioned a covering and umbrella of sorts out of a road atlas or changing mat or carrier bag and made a dash for it.

Actually I'd have been fine because my handbag contains not only an umbrella but an adult and child poncho because I tend to overprepare.

I just can't imagine not approaching the situation like a problem-solving exercise.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 07/08/2014 12:28

Ah, an AIBU classic!

OP: AIBU?

MN: YABU!

OP: But, but, but...

MN: YABU!

OP: Not I'm not!

Ad infinitum.

kelda · 07/08/2014 12:32

The rain in France has been incredibly heavy this summer, we are not talking about light summer showers. More like buckets of water being chucked over you.

That said, it all sounds very poorly organised.

middlings · 07/08/2014 12:38

noble exactly.

This weekend it was a bit cloudy so the usually putrid paddling pool in our local playground was rather poorly attended. DH and I decided to whip DD1's leggings off and let her have a paddle. "I go swimming like Daddy" was uttered and she was in the water before you could say no spare t-shirt. DH looked horrified and started lamenting the lack of changing bag/towel/spare clothes etc (we were five mins walk from home). A quick rummage later and I had unearthed a nappy (admittedly a size too small as it was her sister's), a muslin (towel) and a raincoat! DD1 was attired warmly and dryly for the push home Grin

Where there's a will etc., etc.

pluCaChange · 07/08/2014 12:45

The "locals" sound disorganised and crap hosts.

Also, if the OP HAD run through the rain wirh DD, arriving soaked and breathless, that would have been making a drama on simeone else's Big Day!

2rebecca · 07/08/2014 12:52

I've never been on a holiday where I haven't taken my waterproof. It's France not Egypt.
You should have just got out with everyone else and sheltered under someones umbrella or got a bit wet. Someone walking 500m in the rain to you and 500m back and missing part of the wedding due to your lack of preparation for normal European weather would be odd as they would have considered the wedding more important than you, and you had said you'd come later and once inside at the wedding they probably weren't aware of what the weather was doing.
Following people in cars is often a mistake, especially old people who want to run messages en route.
It sounds miserable but it wasn't anyone else's fault.

tobiasfunke · 07/08/2014 12:52

I can't imagine the bride would be so happy if a screaming 1 year old was brought into the building in the middle of everything and then the mother proceeded to dry her and change her into whatever mismatch of clothes she happened to have in the car.

When we were in France last year the heavens opened and by the time we had walked 10 minutes back to the car park the rain had soaked through our waterproofs never mind an atlas.

Shame on the OP for not being able to fashion a waterproof mobile gazebo from the warning traingle and some old sweetie wrappers she'd found in the glovebox. All in 5 minutes.

pinkdelight · 07/08/2014 12:55

All in 40 minutes tobias. And there were options. The OP just sat there.

BlondePieceOffFluff · 07/08/2014 12:57

OP, if you are still around, ignore the YABU's. Seldom have I seen so many unreasonable YABU's. Of course you are entitled to be fuming at a gormless husband for not looking after his family (that is you, DS and DD not his parents and siblings and all and sundry). And FIL picking up cheese when you were all running late and telling you to not drive up to the venue so that you and the kids could be dropped off, stoopid is who stoopid does. But you cannot change the world. Your husband should man up which in this case would amongst other things mean that he would have dropped you off at the venue, he would have figured out how to get there without following the cheese-train to slow-ville and he would not have left his wife and daughter in the car for 40 minutes. There are only a few reasonable voices on this thread above, here is one more: YANBU

wafflyversatile · 07/08/2014 12:59

You say you would have found a way but you didn't. Why didn't you say, can we share an umbrella? Can someone come back for us?

As others have said it was unfortunate that it was torrential after you were already late. But just move on. You were there for the rest of it.

thornyhousewife · 07/08/2014 13:00

Was your husband a bit embarrassed that his wife was sitting in the car because of the rain and missed the entire ceremony?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/08/2014 13:01

"... cheese train to slow-ville..."

That has made me laugh so much, Blonde! Grin

BlondePieceOffFluff · 07/08/2014 13:03

middling I'm sure that a nappy and a muslin would be a great bridesmaid outfit. OP Why did you not think of that?

diddl · 07/08/2014 13:04

"at a gormless husband for not looking after his family (that is you, DS and DD not his parents and siblings and all and sundry)."

All OP had to do was ask to share an umbrella.

exWifebeginsat40 · 07/08/2014 13:05

i know have 'slow train to cheeseville' playing in my head to the tune of 'last train to clarksville' by the Monkees.

you're welcome.

exWifebeginsat40 · 07/08/2014 13:06

*now

BlondePieceOffFluff · 07/08/2014 13:06

Wardrobe Thanks, that was my first positive feedback on MN, so happy now Grin

MrsMikeDelfino · 07/08/2014 13:07

Why is the husband all of a sudden gormless?! It's much more gormless to sit in a car for 40 minutes as you're scared of getting wet!

Beeyump · 07/08/2014 13:12

The husband should man up? Um, ok.