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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset - wedding guest related.

186 replies

BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 08:41

Yesterday we were at a wedding of BIL and his partner. DS (2 yrs) and DD (1yr) were page boy and bridesmaid - not the only ones. DH and DSIL were witnesses.

It was in France so first civil ceremony, then church. The civil was important, not just bureaucracy.

So, DH and kids, DSIL and her husband who was taking photos for the ceremony and DMIL and DFIL and I all arrive together. We're running late. It starts raining and we've got to walk about 500 metres to get to the ceremony. Everybody had umbrellas, apart from DH and I (didn't have any with us as when we packed to leave, it was supposed to be sunny). Everyone was standing outside, with umbrellas or under the lid of the boot sheltering. I realised the time and that they would be really late if they didn't leave then, so said I'd wait with DD (no rain cover for buggy) until it stopped raining then come up. DH hesitated, the rest turned and went.

Up until here, I have no problem.

By the time they arrived at the registry office (equivalent) the rain was harder and it was clear that it wasn't about to stop any time soon.

I ended up staying in the car with DD for the whole ceremony. There was absolutely no way we could come without coats or umbrellas.

I think that it would have been considerate to ask someone in the extended family to nip down with some umbrellas so we could join, when it was clear that the rain wasn't going to stop. They'd have missed 10 mins max of the ceremony if they'd come when DH etc arrived. They did ask someone in extended family (DH couldn't leave after the ceremony apparently) to come after the ceremony had finished.

So WIBU to be a bit upset at being left in the car? DH says I volunteered, so how did they know I didn't want to be in the car Confused and I think that having driven 10 hours to get here with two young children, it was obvious that sitting in the car alone with DD wasn't my plan.

OP posts:
WitchWay · 07/08/2014 09:33

I'd've got wet & made the best of it.

kali110 · 07/08/2014 09:34

Still think yabu. Don't think your dh should have missed any of the ceremony!
The rain wasn't going to hurt you. You could have ran for it rather than sitting sulking in the car.

allisgood1 · 07/08/2014 09:35

I would hope that if this was my family I wouldn't have to ask for someone to come back--they just would.

KnackeredMuchly · 07/08/2014 09:37

What is wrong with rain?!

If someone missed my wedding because they didn't want to look like a drowned rat I'd be furious. Even more so if my bridesmaid did!!!

But yanbu if you have a medical condition that makes you prone to getting v poorly so you didn't want to get wet and catch a cold or something?

diddl · 07/08/2014 09:37

If you had bothered to get out of the car, someone might have lent or shared an umbrella?

sparechange · 07/08/2014 09:43

You wouldn't dash a minute in the rain, and now want to blame everyone else? Confused
YABU

diddl · 07/08/2014 09:48

It does surprise me that no one with a brolly offered to take your daughter.

Her GPs for example??

I'm thinking that SIL & her husband were carrying cameras?

Others I assume went as they were already in danger of being late after waiting for your party to arrive.

But as an adult I don't see why you woulkd expect others to wait for you or come back after you'd made your decision.

elvenbread · 07/08/2014 09:48

I can't believe you missed the wedding because of rain and you're now annoyed about it. Would you keel over ifyou got wet. Ffs.

Original poster
BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 09:50

The phrase "the skies opened" was literally what happened. In the time it took DH to get the buggy out of the back, his shirt and tshirt under were soaked through (on his back). The other children (DSIL) were under umbrellas nobody was without one. We're staying in the middle if nowhere, the wedding was first thing and there was nowhere to but one before. We thought we were leaving in plenty of time, but DFIL had to stop at groom's house to get some cheese (we were following him - think windy little French countryside roads that everybody was getting lost in, so we were all in a convoy and he decided to do a detour before the ceremony rather than stop as we passed on the way to the reception)

I certainly don't think and didn't want it to be about me. Nobody there thought it was reasonable for anybody to go in the rain without something - it was truly torrential!

We checked the weather forecast when we packed and it was a week of sunshine and 26C. We weren't staying for the week, but there's a limit to what you can fit in a car with four people, a buggy, a high chair and clothes (were asked last min to bring our high chair as wedding venue had none). I brought a cardi for the wedding and when we left the gite there was blue sky. I was busy getting kids in car and only saw the others had umbrellas when we got out. As for getting wet, I'm outside in the rain a LOT, I don't mind getting damp. This was like walking 7 mins through a power shower.

It seems that none of you would be bothered being stuck in the car? It was supposed to be for about 10 mins - when they left it looked like it would stop soon. Very shortly after they left it was clear it wouldn't.

I felt that there wasn't much point in making the effort to get DDs clothes, do a 10 hour trip etc if they're not bothered that we weren't there.

I also know that if it had been one of them in the car that I would have found a way to get them up.

I did ask if we could drive up to the reg office and DFIL said no. When I arrived later, it was clear that we could have, dropped everybody off and then just the drivers come - with umbrellas - in the rain.

OP posts:
TheGoop · 07/08/2014 09:50

didn't they notice a bridesmaid was missing?
Weird.

Personally I would have thought getting a bridesmaid into the ceremony was important and so I think YANBU - it would have made sense for them to send someone down with an umbrella.

Don't they like you?

Original poster
BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 09:51

I got the distance wrong - it took 7 mins to walk (less than 10 more than 5) - so whatever that is in heels.

OP posts:
KnackeredMuchly · 07/08/2014 09:56

So everyone was late, you wamting them to miss 15inutes of the wedding to get you because you're too precious to get wet. I know, really wet. But still, absolutely no excuse.

It's water not poison.

Original poster
BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 09:57

I didn't have other people's numbers on my phone.

It's amazing that I'm assumed to be totally incompetent, just because I didn't want to get totally drenched!!!

I wouldn't have wanted my bridesmaid spending a day in soaking wet clothes because nobody would take her up!! It's not just the mother! There's her aunt, uncle, father and grandparents.

Just to be clear NOBODY thought it was unreasonable to avoid the downpour. None of the people in the car park. That's not even a question - it was BAD and then VERY BAD! The people who live in the town all drove up, dropped the people in their cars off and the the driver came up alone. It was very very wet!

OP posts:
Original poster
BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 09:59

And the church, for this couple/family was the formal, get it over and done with part - but that's another thread.

OP posts:
PleaseJustShootMeNow · 07/08/2014 09:59

Your last post really makes it sound like you were making it all about you. ie if they were bothered about me they would have come, but they weren't focused on me and now I'm upset. You should have put your big girl knickers on that day, got wet and got to the wedding. It wasn't all about you.

diddl · 07/08/2014 10:00

I suppose by the time they realised it wouldn't sop they didn't want to miss the wedding?

Grooms brother, parents, sister & another photograper(?)

Who were you expecting to come back for you?

IScreamForIceCream · 07/08/2014 10:02

Of course they would avoid the rain if they could.
But if they couldn't, surely they'd have jsut got wet?

It's August, you'd have dried off in no time.
Re heels, you could have taken them off if walking in them was an issue. Quick wet wipe of feet when you're there, and shoes back on.

MidniteScribbler · 07/08/2014 10:02

But why it is every other guest's responsibility to sort you out? Your husband could have dropped you and the kids at the door and drove off to park. That would have been the sensible thing to do. You have no one to blame but yourselves.

Heels99 · 07/08/2014 10:03

You say when they left it looked like it would stop soon so presumably they as well as you thought you would be joining them in a couple of mins. So they wouldn't be coming back for you, you said you would wait in car till it stopped. It was your choice to stay in car when it didn't stop raining. You made the wrong choice and no doubt you are upset to miss the wedding but you can't blame anyone else for that. Not sure why you thought it would stop soon when it was 'like a power shower'. I would be hacked off with you if I was the bride and groom.

Mrsjayy · 07/08/2014 10:04

Really you are pissed off that your fil didnt drop you off, did you not take spare clothes

milkysmum · 07/08/2014 10:05

I think you are being unreasonable to be honest. I would have just made a run for it. Or sat in the car and not moaned afterwards!

PleaseJustShootMeNow · 07/08/2014 10:06

Nobody thought it was unreasonable to avoid the downpour? And yet they all ventured out in it to get to the wedding. Except you. You prioritised staying dry over your BIL's wedding. YABU but this it clearly one of those threads. OP: AIBU? MN: Yes! OP: No I'm not!

hatsybatsy · 07/08/2014 10:09

There is no way your story of how French wedding services work is right. The civil ceremony is formal - there is no way to personalise it. There are no real photo ops - it is just form filling.

To describe the Church as nothing to this family is nonsense - the church element is purely optional - you don't do it if you don't want to!

Surely once they were all inside they had no idea what the weather was like ten minutes later? How can you be angry because they didn't realise it was still raining?

You could have put a bag together with your heels and some dry clothed for dd and then grabbed her and legged it in some flats? surely as time ticked on you realised that no one was coming back??

WhatTheHellDoWeCallThisBaby · 07/08/2014 10:10

"It's August, you'd have dried off in no time" - this. is. absurd. If it really was as heavy as the OP says they'd both have been utterly drenched, then left to sit inside a wedding venue for 40 minutes (probably steaming slightly in that odd way which happens when it's hot and rainy).

I really hope everyone on this thread who's enjoying putting the OP in her place has to walk 7 minutes through a rainstorm to a big family event sometime soon. I really don't understand why she's getting such a hard time, especially about the "why are you so disorganised? tsk tsk" shit - it sounds like everyone was! The husband, the couple, the FIL for prioritising pre-wedding cheese ffs! Why is it only the OP who's being chastised?

ApocalypseThen · 07/08/2014 10:10

If the rain was that bad, surely an umberella wouldn't have helped, and whomever came back for you would have missed 30 minutes and would have been sapping wet too? Who do you think should have done that?