Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset - wedding guest related.

186 replies

BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 08:41

Yesterday we were at a wedding of BIL and his partner. DS (2 yrs) and DD (1yr) were page boy and bridesmaid - not the only ones. DH and DSIL were witnesses.

It was in France so first civil ceremony, then church. The civil was important, not just bureaucracy.

So, DH and kids, DSIL and her husband who was taking photos for the ceremony and DMIL and DFIL and I all arrive together. We're running late. It starts raining and we've got to walk about 500 metres to get to the ceremony. Everybody had umbrellas, apart from DH and I (didn't have any with us as when we packed to leave, it was supposed to be sunny). Everyone was standing outside, with umbrellas or under the lid of the boot sheltering. I realised the time and that they would be really late if they didn't leave then, so said I'd wait with DD (no rain cover for buggy) until it stopped raining then come up. DH hesitated, the rest turned and went.

Up until here, I have no problem.

By the time they arrived at the registry office (equivalent) the rain was harder and it was clear that it wasn't about to stop any time soon.

I ended up staying in the car with DD for the whole ceremony. There was absolutely no way we could come without coats or umbrellas.

I think that it would have been considerate to ask someone in the extended family to nip down with some umbrellas so we could join, when it was clear that the rain wasn't going to stop. They'd have missed 10 mins max of the ceremony if they'd come when DH etc arrived. They did ask someone in extended family (DH couldn't leave after the ceremony apparently) to come after the ceremony had finished.

So WIBU to be a bit upset at being left in the car? DH says I volunteered, so how did they know I didn't want to be in the car Confused and I think that having driven 10 hours to get here with two young children, it was obvious that sitting in the car alone with DD wasn't my plan.

OP posts:
LIZS · 07/08/2014 09:15

So in that 40+ minutes you weren't able to get her there yourself in time for photos?

kali110 · 07/08/2014 09:16

Yabu your responsibility! Not fair for your dh or another guest to miss part of the ceremony.

MrsWinnibago · 07/08/2014 09:16

Why didn't your DH come back with an umbrella?

pinkdelight · 07/08/2014 09:16

But what do you think to what everyone has said - that it was all down to you?

LittleBearPad · 07/08/2014 09:17

You could have been dropped off outside the venue.

Your dd could have been carried by someone with a brolly.

You could have run for it.

Sorry I think you're being a bit unreasonable.

MrsWinnibago · 07/08/2014 09:17

Since DH was a witness he could have asked someone else to return for you with an umbrella. It all sounds a bit silly.

WhatTheHellDoWeCallThisBaby · 07/08/2014 09:18

Everyone here is really enjoying jumping all over you and being terribly prim and smug. Your family drove for half a day to attend a wedding and not a single person thought you and your bridesmaid daughter might want to actually SEE the ceremony?! Bullshit. Of course you've got the right to be angry about it.

All this "but you said you'd wait till the rain stopped" nonsense is a total red herring - all it would've taken was for your husband to a) give a shit and b) inconvenience himself for ten minutes to ensure his family were all at the family wedding.

Mrsjayy · 07/08/2014 09:18

Look you missed somebodies wedding because you were being quite frankly daft this is nothing to do with anybody else why your husband didnt help you is strange but you decided to sit and sulk in the car.

Oriunda · 07/08/2014 09:18

You said someone would have missed 10mins of the ceremony to come and get you - 10 mins from a 40min ceremony is still a fair chunk and they might have missed an important bit. I would have stuck a cardi or something over your DD and made a dash (but I am the idiot who always makes a run through even the most torrential rain rather than wait it out).

MidniteScribbler · 07/08/2014 09:18

Sounds like someone was a bit sulky that they weren't the centre of attention.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/08/2014 09:21

Are you the Wicked Witch of the West? Will you actually melt in the rain?

If not, YABU.

MrsWinnibago · 07/08/2014 09:22

Callthisbaby* is right...your DH is the one to blame really...you too as you didn't bring an umbrella. Most people in this situation would have made a run for it. You could have put a bag on your head or something to keep the rain off. That's what I'd have done.

magpiegin · 07/08/2014 09:22

Why didn't you make a run for it?

Cheeky76890 · 07/08/2014 09:23

Could you have phoned him or other guest.

I personally would have just run for it. It's only rain even if heavy. I would probably have put a jumper over our heads

hatsybatsy · 07/08/2014 09:23

and surely you still made the church ceremony and reception?

IME the church element in France is very formal - its the other bits that feel more like a wedding as we know it in this country.

YABU.

Cheeky76890 · 07/08/2014 09:23

500 yards is a tiny distance

m0therofdragons · 07/08/2014 09:24

I'd be really annoyed as the bride if my bridesmaid missed my wedding because her precious mother wouldn't take her in the rain. You were running late so if your dh came to get you he would have missed part of his brother's wedding. Just make a run for it like everyone else would!

HappyAsASandboy · 07/08/2014 09:26

I'm with the others. I can't believe you sat in the car for the 40 mins of the ceremony, plus however long it took to take the photographs, without ringing your DH or making a dash for it.

Complete martyrdom and making it all about you.

I hope your DD wasn't too disappointed. Will you be there for the church service?

allisgood1 · 07/08/2014 09:26

This is ridiculous. WHY couldn't someone have dashed back out to grab you while everyone else was getting settled and ready? If it was that close to the building then it shouldn't have been a problem. Surely taking 2 minutes to go get you would be ok before starting the ceremony. YANBU.

hercules1 · 07/08/2014 09:30

Why didn't you just leg it in ?

kali110 · 07/08/2014 09:30

Yabu your responsibility! Not fair for your dh or another guest to miss part of the ceremony.

WafflesandWhippedCream · 07/08/2014 09:30

Presumably by the time your DH realised you weren't coming, he was busy actually taking part in the ceremony. Maybe he thought you were lurking at the back and was watching his brother get married, so couldn't spend the whole time watching the door like a hawk to see if you had arrived.

You chose to wait behind.

You should have picked up DD and run for it - or driven closer.

PorkPieandPickle · 07/08/2014 09:30

Are you allergic to rain?! Don't understand why you sat in the car. I might do that if it were a trip to the shops, but not someone's wedding! You should have just got wet, you'd have dried of FGS.

Mrsjayy · 07/08/2014 09:31

Everybody else managed to get to the wedding including a little boy without fuss the op decided to sit in the car not them. The bride and groom had a slot to get wed it is ridiculous what went on.

emsyj · 07/08/2014 09:32

You should have just got wet. Staying in the car for 40 minutes and missing the entire ceremony because you're expecting someone to come back for you with an umbrella (if that's what you wanted/expected you should really have said that instead of that you would follow on) is a very strange thing to do IMO. If I were the bride (or another relative) I would find your behaviour very very very rude. Nobody was focussed on you - and rightly so.