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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset I haven't spoken to my children.

115 replies

NacMacFeeglie · 01/08/2014 18:59

In eight days. Sad

My ex husband took them all on holiday. I gave it three days then tried to call. Answer machine. Text and asked to speak to them on Wednesday. No reply. Tried calling Wednesday. Answer machine. Text Thursday. No reply. Tried calling tonight. Rang three times and answer machine. Now back on answer machine.

I'm gutted. I really miss them and have no idea what time on Sunday they return home. I don't know why my ex husband isn't answering me either. Last we spoke he text to say the plane had landed and he thought my eldest was unwell. I text back an asked if she was okay. No reply.

I just wanted to see how they were all doing. I have even got myself a little paranoid that he won't bring them back. AIBU to think he could let me speak to them for ten minutes.

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 01/08/2014 19:02

Yanbu I couldn't go 8 days without speaking to my DC.

LadySybilLikesCake · 01/08/2014 19:03

Of course you're not being unreasonable, sending you a huge hug! Thanks It's mean of him to ignore you. When are they due back? Do you know where they are? All sorts must be going through your head if he's said your eldest may be unwell.

Pinkrose1 · 01/08/2014 19:04

Heavens! I would have gone crazy by now. Shock. Could you phone the hotel or the holiday rep?

Original poster
NacMacFeeglie · 01/08/2014 19:04

There is nothing I can do though. My youngest is only four and he is particularly attached to me. He got upset when they were leaving and shouted until his dad stopped the car because he wanted to tell me he loved me. My eldest has aspergers and whilst I am sure they are okay with him I just miss them. I don't know why he is doing this as we are amicable or so I thought.

OP posts:
Original poster
NacMacFeeglie · 01/08/2014 19:06

They are in the uk in North Devon but I don't know where it is they are staying. I have left voicemails and texts but just getting ignored. I do have anxiety and I keep thinking maybe he won't bring them back.

OP posts:
Original poster
NacMacFeeglie · 01/08/2014 19:06

They are in the uk in North Devon but I don't know where it is they are staying. I have left voicemails and texts but just getting ignored. I do have anxiety and I keep thinking maybe he won't bring them back.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 01/08/2014 19:10

It's really unfair of him to do that - unfair on you and unfair on the children. I wonder whether he thinks that if they speak to you, they will want to go home. Even so, he could call you himself to tell you they're OK.

Didn't he tell you where they were going to? I wouldn't let them go in future without a contact address and number.

Will he have been in touch with his family in the meantime? Could you call them?

I wouldn't worry that you're going to get bad news as you'd know immediately if that happened.

PomeralLights · 01/08/2014 19:10

If they are in North Devon, in a rural area he might not have signal. Of course YANBU and he should make more attempt to be contactable but it might just be that he's not picking up much on his phone anyway due to signal so he's just ignoring it for the week, IYSWIM.

SqueakySqueak · 01/08/2014 19:11

It's not hard to send a text or text a photo. He's being an ass. I wouldn't let him take them on vacation again like this if he's not going to check in with you.

That said, when I was a kid and went on vacation, I didn't even think about my parents. My parents left me for a week at my aunt and uncle's house every summer, and when they got back I wanted them to go away so I could keep playing. :) The kids are probably having too much fun to miss you. So if it makes you feel better, they're probably fine.

Your ex though... you need to have some words with him. Angry

Original poster
NacMacFeeglie · 01/08/2014 19:11

I thought that too but it rang three times tonight and he definitely hung up on the call. He could easily send a quick text to say he has poor signal if his phone can connect a call. I would understand that but not knowing why I am not hearing anything is really upsetting me.

OP posts:
WheresClare · 01/08/2014 19:12

Is it possible they're staying somewhere with no phone reception? I spent a week in Wales earlier this year and had no reception for almost all of it. Or maybe he accidentally left his phone charger at home and hasn't really given much thought to you worrying? I can understand you being worried but there might be a straightforward explanation. In general, when there's a real problem you hear about it pretty quick. Poor you though. I bet it feels for ever.

BertieBotts · 01/08/2014 19:13

He is going to bring them back. He's being a bit unreasonable by not letting you speak to them but at the same time, I expect you don't call him every day when you take them on holiday?

Please try not to worry, I expect they're just having a lovely time and are tired out at the end of the day. They'll be fine. Perhaps he wants a total break and has turned his phone off?

ImperialBlether · 01/08/2014 19:13

What is your ex like? Is this typical behaviour? Did he want custody?

It would be quite easy to get police involvement, I would think. I assume he's driven there?

EarthWindFire · 01/08/2014 19:14

Of course YANBU to miss them. I'm sure they are fine.

However would you allow the DC to talk to their dad when they are with you?

EarthWindFire · 01/08/2014 19:16

It would be quite easy to get police involvement, I would think. I assume he's driven there?

If they are still in this country ie Devon and the father has PR the police won't necessarily get involved it is a civil matter. It is his time to have them as they are on holiday.

BertieBotts · 01/08/2014 19:20

Don't get police involvement! FGS how is that supposed to help OP's anxiety.

They have gone on holiday with their father, who is amicable. It's extremely unlikely that he is abducting them. They are not due back for another two days. They are fine!

LadySybilLikesCake · 01/08/2014 19:21

When are they due to come home?

ImperialBlether · 01/08/2014 19:22

How do you know when they're due back, Bertie?

AlpacaLypse · 01/08/2014 19:23

I'm really sorry OP I know this must be agonising for you, but the police wouldn't be able to help you as they're meant to be with him right now.

There are various sensible reasons why he may not have got back to you, and reception out in the sticks and at the seaside can be shite (bitter experience). Or of course he's either being a thoughtless twunt or a cruel (to you) twunt.

Hopefully the children are having a great time though.

RiverTam · 01/08/2014 19:24

even in rural places it's not that hard to find somewhere with a signal to make a few calls. And a lot of holiday cottages have wifi so he could email or skype.

yanbu.

Poseypops · 01/08/2014 19:25

They went on a plane?

EarthWindFire · 01/08/2014 19:26

How do you know when they're due back, Bertie?

It says in the OP that they are due back on Sunday!

Pooka · 01/08/2014 19:26

The op says they're due back on Sunday, so 2 days away.

Horrible if he did put phone down on you. Even of you didn't speak to the kids (perhaps he's worried that it would make them feel homesick) he could at least confirm that all is well.

hellymelly · 01/08/2014 19:26

How stressful op. I do think it is really unkind of their Dad to not have called or sent a text to let you know how they all are, or to get them to call to say Goodnight or Good morning. Hope you hear from them soon.

OneDreamOnly · 01/08/2014 19:29

How long have you been separated and what has happened during previous hols?
Just wondering if he isn't thinking that by ringing you are trying to check up on him when what you want is to talk to your dcs.

Now if that was me, I wouldn't be bothered not to hear about them for a week. I tend to think they are having a nice time wo me and I'm just happy that they can have that chance. I've done that in the past, so has DH but I can see how it's different when you stay at home and you are facing an empty house.