To be upset I haven't spoken to my children.

[NacMacFeeglie]

In eight days.

My ex husband took them all on holiday. I gave it three days then tried to call. Answer machine. Text and asked to speak to them on Wednesday. No reply. Tried calling Wednesday. Answer machine. Text Thursday. No reply. Tried calling tonight. Rang three times and answer machine. Now back on answer machine.

I'm gutted. I really miss them and have no idea what time on Sunday they return home. I don't know why my ex husband isn't answering me either. Last we spoke he text to say the plane had landed and he thought my eldest was unwell. I text back an asked if she was okay. No reply.

I just wanted to see how they were all doing. I have even got myself a little paranoid that he won't bring them back. AIBU to think he could let me speak to them for ten minutes.

I think everyone needs to calm down.

My eldest son once fell off a bed in my car as a baby and my youngest son had a similar fracture in his leg which we didn't discover for a week- again sustained whilst under my supervision.

It was annoying that he didn't contact you but it was his time with the children and it's perfect true that mobile reception in Devon is shocking.

Can you imagine the uproar on here if a child was injured through an accident whilst in the care of it's mother and the Dad decided to take the mother to court or deny her sole care of the child due to that accident.

Kids have accidents. Fact. And people need to stop winding the OP up and making more of it than it is.

DD3 managed a greenstick fracture falling from the bottom rung of the climbing frame when she was two. These things happen and they heal quickly. She was out of plaster (just a backslab, so no problem with flying anyway) within five weeks, ready to fly long haul to the UK.
The only problem we had was that the cast was used as an offensive weapon against her sisters who had to develop fast reflexes to avoid being hit!
It is really worrying when you don't hear from them when you're expecting to and all sorts of scenarios go through your mind, but lack of reception in Devon seems a reasonable explanation. I really don't think that men (generally, not all obviously) understand the need we have to make sure our kids are happy and safe. My eldest (19) is in Japan atm and I 'talk' to her every day on fb. My oh, her father, doesn't understand my desire to know she's ok, as well as hearing about her adventures.
I would say don't worry, but you will until they're home safe.

I would see what information he volunteers and then ask what the doctors said about caring for the fracture. Also ask if there were any other health issues that you need to know about (if one of the dcs was unwell in the near future and you were asked about their recent health by doctor).

It will be interesting to hear the dcs account but don't force it. It is probably worth asking other adults who the dcs trust to tell you if they say anything. My ds had a head injury while away with the ex but had been told not to say anything to mummy. Luckily he told another adult (ds very logical) and there was a bruise (hidden by hair) that fitted with the story. I documented it but didn't raise it with ex as he would just have started telling ds not to say anything to anybody. Horrible choice but I think it was the better option.

With my ex and I we generally minimised phone calls on holidays. Often reception is bad and it can upset the kids particularly if the absent parent starts telling them how much they love them and miss them. We used to get them writing postcards to practice their writing but otherwise just phoned if the kids asked to phone or if there was a problem.
If you're away with the kids do you always try to get them phoning their dad?
If yes and it had been agreed you'd phone then he could have made more of an effort or got the kids to dictate a text to you that would have gone when he did have reception.
When the stepkids were young we'd look for a payphone for them to phone their mum, but they were often maudlin afterwards having been cheerful before so it can be a negative thing for young kids.

I think because he is my youngest my baby as such I just want him home to know he is okay.

I'm not angry. It's an accident and that's that. I won't be involving courts etc. I will be making it clear I am unhappy with the lack of contact and will be making sure in the future that I can get hold of them.

They are home for three pm

I have never been away with my children Rebecca. Sadly. The kids on occasion ask to speak to their dad in the week and I have no issues with that. I would also expect my ex to make contact once should I be away because he does miss his children too.

In a few days I will be inviting him out for a coffee and a chat. I'd like to address a few things and also discuss some form of maintenance. He doesn't contribute at the moment which was an agreement between us as up until my ill health at the start of the year I was working full time and he took the kids every weekend.

However I am unable to work currently but starting college next month. I have the kids alternate weekends now and struggle financially which means I am never able to do anything fun with four children. Last time I did something for them I took them to the funfair and within an hour a hundred pounds was gone. The rest of the week was horrendously tight. I just can't afford holidays and cinemas etc

Practically you need to buy a limbo here which will help a lot.

Poor thing and poor you what a worry.

tryharder-

"
Kids have accidents. Fact. And people need to stop winding the OP up and making more of it than it is."

""With her skull he took her out of her car seat and sat her on the actual seat and stood having a smoke beside her. I was in seeing a gp and they were waiting for me. My daughter fell to the side and out of the van onto her head. ""

That is not an accident- that is neglect.

OP, I do think that your plans to speak with your ex re access and maintenance are a really good idea.
I'm not defending the indefensible at all, but for perspective, I grew up in North Devon and in certain areas there is no mobile signal at all. When I visit my mum I can occasionally get enough signal to receive a text but only by hanging out of the window

I broken my arm as a child and it was VERY painful. Leaving a child in pain for 24 hours is neglect, sorry. Poor kid would have been guarding it, it's a reflex, and for no one to pick up on this is just It's not looking good for the father to be honest. He takes the children on holiday for a week after telling the OP that one is unwell. Then he doesn't call the OP to let her know how her children are and he returns one with broken bones. He seems rather thoughtless and I'd be very wary about leaving my child unsupervised with him.

I hope they are home, OP

I think what he did is wrong. Your kids need to have reassurance you haven't abandoned them.
The same way you are allowing them to keep in touch with him and that is simple.

And yes to court order where he will see on a piece of paper that he has to let kids speak to you on the phone as he clearly is doing what he thinks he can get away with to hurt you.

Goodness

The incident with the babies skull is terrible! Was this looked into my social services?

I have a mind game playing ex who does things like ignoring calls/text messages and understand how frustrating it is - designed to upset you I think (BTW am not talking constantly, maximum twice a week).

Now saying that I have no concerns about DC being in any danger with him and trust him to get care of its appropriate.

However the broken arm which was missed for two days alongside the previous incident (cracked skull) is much more concerning. I know kids have accidents but not getting care ASAP is for a child who is in a lot of pain is a terrible thing to do. It looks like he can't be trusted to care properly for your DC. There is such a thing as being too reasonable so please get your DC checked out ASAP.

I'd be wondering about the drinking/smoking too.

Social services were not involved. I came out of the doctors minutes after it happened. Knew immediately something was wrong.

I suspect my ex is very possibly aspergers himself like my eldest. Like her he seems to have little concept of danger.

I also struggle to see how they couldn't have noticed but I have heard of that before.

He has had letters before. One for not putting a seatbelt on my eldest and telling her not to tell me. Being aspergers she was very distressed that the seatbelt wasn't on and as soon as she got home I knew something was wrong.

Another for letting my youngest then two play on a road with him too far a distance to stop accidents occurring. It wasn't a busy road but considering it was me that nearly ran him over that was enough to raise concern.

Finally for allowing our older two girls to go swimming unattended in a river. My eldest climbed a tree out over very deep water and became frightened. She stayed there until an older boy came along and got her down.

I hope that maybe explains a little why I may seem overprotective and wanted to speak just once with the kids whilst away.

He does dote on his kids.

Op, I am sure with some careful budgeting an planning you can take the children out for fun days, it can be done! There is no need at all to spend £100 at a funfair in an hour :-O You could have all went to a big park like blackpool pleasure beach for that :-O And spent the whole day! When going somewhere like that, just bring a limited amount of cash and divide it up fairly letting them know how many rides/games each can do.

Some of our best days out have been to free places to be honest.

Enjoy seeing your kiddies later :-)

Unfortunately where I live there is not a lot for children. I also don't drive currently which is very limiting. I'm not saying I never have fun times with them. I do it just makes me sad sometimes that he can do more. Not jealous as I am glad the children get treats etc. just sad that I can't do the same.

I would also add that the course I am starting is part funded. The rest I am paying in instalments which leaves me pretty much broke. However it's a career move and I am taking the financial hit for the prospect of a well paid job at the end of it all. Hopefully.

I've been talking to my mum who regularly has contact with the children and a huge amount of experience with children having been a social worker and now working for woman's aid which obviously includes working with children too.

She and I both feel there is more to this than is being said. The breaks in my sons arm are in two far apart places and one is supposedly a clean break the other is a split. I struggle to believe that my son was surrounded by so many adults and they weren't aware something was wrong with his arm. Having to put clothes on and off and the fact he is right handed would surely have caused pain. The not being in contact was unusual and the fact my ex was certain my son was okay to fly despite the flight company requiring the cast needing to be split if two days hadn't past since it was applied

That suggests to me this happened on the Thursday and they knew it was broke on the Thursday and it was cast on the Thursday so it would be fine for him to fly today. It also makes sense that the kids would be unwilling to speak to me if he had tried to get them to keep it a secret until the end of the holiday as he has had them try to keep secrets before and they hate it. They haven't been brought up that way.

I am going to speak to my gp and once she has the report from the hospital ask her to call to find out exactly what went on as I don't believe I will get the truth from him and I won't interrogate my children.

I will then want to make sure it's documented that the breaks occurred in his care as due to my breakdown in January it was madatory for child concerns to be raised at that time. I don't need more added as I am well on the way to recovery.

I feel very much as though something isn't right here.

I trained as a radiographer and a children's nurse (so have child protection knowledge), Nac. The bones in the lower arm form a circle shape, so it's perfectly normal to have 2 breaks, one in each of the arm, so it's not necessarily a sign of mistreatment. If does depend on the type of break though.

Thanks. It's not that I am suggesting it's mistreatment. It's more that I suspect the timescales he is giving me is lies. I suspect he kept it quiet until the end of the holiday.

Didn't he call you on Thursday? He could have mentioned something then.

No I text Thursday but had no reply. I spoke to him and my eldest yesterday afternoon. All was fine. No mention of concerns or accidents etc. then called back four hours later to tell me my youngest had a broken arm.

He's hiding something.

Sorry, I'm trying to work at the same time. He could have and should have told you ASAP. It seems odd that he didn't mention it the first time you spoke. Maybe he was trying to stop you from worrying? It's hard to say, you do need to speak to him though.

That is my thoughts too com. There was no reason not to contact me and say what had happened. It's the fact he appears to have left it till the last moment that makes me wonder the reason why.