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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset I haven't spoken to my children.

115 replies

NacMacFeeglie · 01/08/2014 18:59

In eight days. Sad

My ex husband took them all on holiday. I gave it three days then tried to call. Answer machine. Text and asked to speak to them on Wednesday. No reply. Tried calling Wednesday. Answer machine. Text Thursday. No reply. Tried calling tonight. Rang three times and answer machine. Now back on answer machine.

I'm gutted. I really miss them and have no idea what time on Sunday they return home. I don't know why my ex husband isn't answering me either. Last we spoke he text to say the plane had landed and he thought my eldest was unwell. I text back an asked if she was okay. No reply.

I just wanted to see how they were all doing. I have even got myself a little paranoid that he won't bring them back. AIBU to think he could let me speak to them for ten minutes.

OP posts:
SweepTheHalls · 02/08/2014 21:36

I would be livid at not being informed the same day as an accident like that happened. Is the oldest big enough to have their own mobile/ tablet so you could message independently of ex hole they are away next time?

SweepTheHalls · 02/08/2014 21:38

I would be livid to not know about n accident like this on the day it happened. If your oldest responsible enough to have a phone or tablet so you can message the children independently of you ex next time they are away?

SweepTheHalls · 02/08/2014 21:39

Doh!

Hurr1cane · 02/08/2014 21:47

It'll be fine. He'll have a cast on, pain killers and he'll just get on with things. Only thing is you can't get the cast wet so showers with a bag over the cast and his arm stuck outside the shower, or a sponge bath.

Optimist1 · 02/08/2014 21:58

I hope his assurance that your little boy's OK to fly came from a HCP. If the arm's been plastered I think they don't accept passengers till at least 48hrs after plastering. Fingers crossed for you, OP.

FreudiansSlipper · 02/08/2014 22:03

Oh no poor little pumpkin hope he is ok I am sure he will love having the plaster drawn on

He is being an idiot thankfully they are home tomorrow for lots of cuddles Smile

hiddenhome · 02/08/2014 22:03

Fractured skull? Broken arm? Hmm

I'd be taking this back to court to see whether he's fit to look after them. It's also emotionally abusive to prevent contact - including phone contact - with the other parent.

He sounds like an utter pile of shite.

MexicanSpringtime · 03/08/2014 00:32

I think he has to check about bringing a child with a plaster on the plane. I had to fly with a plaster and it had to be cut open (for health reasons) for me to be allowed on the plane

Gruntfuttock · 03/08/2014 00:35

hiddenhome "He sounds like an utter pile of shite."

Oh, I think he sounds much worse than that!

middleeasternpromise · 03/08/2014 00:41

You seem to be working so hard to be 'reasonable' and I am not sure you should be! He doesn't respond to your request to speak to your children on Wed night and goes no contact till now and suddenly your child has a broken arm in two places which err happened on err thurs but he only noticed today - none of it sounds right and none of it sounds like good care. Your instincts were singing from wed at least and they were right, don't ignore them - something is very wrong.

BertieBotts · 03/08/2014 00:48

Oh no :( Well he'll be a hero in his class for sure! I'm sure they won't be pushing writing etc in the first few days.

I feel bad for my earlier comments now. I was trying to be reassuring, but it sounds like you did have reason to be worried.

GothMummy · 03/08/2014 00:54

I dont normally approve of mobiles for primary aged kids but if I were you I would make sure my eldest had one next time they go away too.

Also I would be furious at not being told of anything that involved a hospital visit!

Castlemilk · 03/08/2014 02:38

I would be documenting all this amd this would be the last time they go with him on holiday, unless he wanted to get a court order. Weed, drinking, violence, injuring the children through carelessness... and not even attuned enough to their basic needs to call you so an attached four year old can talk to his/her mum.

That's not a good dad or a good carer. Next time he can do day trips.

Chiana · 03/08/2014 02:58

ITA with Castlemilk.

SqueakySqueak · 03/08/2014 04:36

I'm trying not to be angry.

You should be angry! He didn't contact you all week and then broke your child's arm! It took 2 days of your poor child being in pain to take him to a doctor to have it looked at?

I would document this and take him to court. He already fractured a baby's skull, broke your youngest's arm... Next time it might be something worse.

Tinkerball · 03/08/2014 04:58

Be angry !!!!

ZenGardener · 03/08/2014 06:07

I think you need some time after this trip to really re-evaluate things and whether he is capable of looking after the children again. He has really broken your trust.

I definitely agree with the poster who said that if you do let him take them again then they need a mobile phone of their own.

He has really let you and the kids down Sad

Pugaboo · 03/08/2014 07:12

How exactly did he fracture a 7 mo's skull?? This is a man who has been violent towards you... And now the non contact and broken arm?

I would be very very angry with him.

Hakluyt · 03/08/2014 07:16

If he's an arse then he's an arse. And he sounds like one,

But Mumsnet is full of people who haven't noticed that their child has broken a bone. And I broke my son's finger when he was a baby. Sad

So make sure you focus on the right things to be angry about.

MimiSunshine · 03/08/2014 07:38

I'm sorry I think something's off there. Too many inconsistencies:
No contact, he tells you signal is poor but achknoekedges he got your text and said you could have called any time? You did and he was clearly dropping your calls

Your child has a broken arm in two places but was apparently unaffected enough or at least not in screaming agony for it to go unnoticed for two days?

1 fracture I could believe, 2 breaks I don't. And it happening by his arm getting a bit squashed going down a slide?

Monday morning is be taking your child to your GP, don't mention it to your ex at all, have your child checked out and ask your son to tell the Doctor exactly how it happened so he can check it's all healing ok.

Original poster
NacMacFeeglie · 03/08/2014 07:43

I had a friend that broke his arm. He didn't know it as broken until nearly a week later. My eldest asked me how I felt when I heard my son had a broken arm. I told her that I felt very upset that I was so far away and couldn't make sure my son was okay and have a cuddle. I also said I felt angry that he had been hurt but that it was an accident and me being angry won't help anything.

With her skull he took her out of her car seat and sat her on the actual seat and stood having a smoke beside her. I was in seeing a gp and they were waiting for me. My daughter fell to the side and out of the van onto her head.

I've text him to find out about the cast also.

He has cleaned up his act since we split and doesn't drink the same and completely quit the weed.

OP posts:
WitchWay · 03/08/2014 07:44

Assume your DS is 4 so most likely a greenstick fracture with not much swelling & probably would have been able to use it fairly normally. Kids are tough! Most likely will be out of plaster in 3/52.

Much more worrying about the baby's skull fracture Sad

ivykaty44 · 03/08/2014 07:46

North Devon is very bad for mobile service. You drive round a corner and up a hill and suddenly three text come through all at once. Then two minutes later the signal goes again, Exmoor is dire

Hope everything is OK and know you will be glad they are sleeping in their own beds tonight...

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/08/2014 07:47

Try and stay calm. Certainly see what the children say about telephone contact with you and the broken arm.

I used to go for holidays with my grandparents and my mum recently told me that I wouldn't come to the phone or would just say "I'm busy playing" and then hang up, I clearly couldn't cope with talking to her while away. Ex is certainly an arse though, if he were considerate he could have easily given you updates about how the children were and what they'd been up to.

combust22 · 03/08/2014 07:56

"With her skull he took her out of her car seat and sat her on the actual seat and stood having a smoke beside her. I was in seeing a gp and they were waiting for me. My daughter fell to the side and out of the van onto her head. "

Shock That is horrific!! Total neglect!