To feel sad - friend notifying people about child's terminal illness as a FB status

[Eastie77]

Sorry another FB post but I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting to this. I'm just quite shocked.

Logged onto FB to see a friend has posted that his child is terminally ill. He has written along the lines of "We are going to lose child x, he has (terminal illness)" There is no context to this in that he hadn't posted previously about the child being ill or anything so this isn't some kind of 'latest development' status. It is really out of the blue.

10 people have liked the comment. I assume they mean to express solidarity with my friend but obviously using the like button in this context is quite inappropriate.

Several people have also posted comments expressing their sorrow but some of the comments come across as so....glib: "Dude, seriously sad news" and "Oh maaaaan, can't believe this is happening!"

I'm not sure why this whole thing just strikes such as sour note with me. I guess my first thought is why would you declare such terrible news on a social network but I understand people use these sites to communicate in different ways. I just find it so odd and incredibly sad that friends are finding out in this way. One of the respondents to the post is my friend's sister who sounds shocked so it almost seems as if this is how she is hearing the news for the first time (I hope not). I'm definitely not going to post a comment but I do want to contact my friend and tell him how sorry I am so was thinking of a phone call.

I work in online advertising and spend a lot of time evangelizing about how online and social media is a force for good but there are days I really wonder...

Hateful thread.

You sound really self absorbed OP.

Their life is falling apart and all you can do is moan about FB use.

I can understand why they've chosen to use FB to cascade the information but I agree with you r.e 'liking' the status, that's seriously odd

Maybe they think people on their FB are actual real friends, who wouldn't judge them at this most dreadful time, but hear them and comfort and support their family.

Guess they were wrong at least once.

And they would rather break the news like this than call every friend up and repeat an extremely painful unbearable conversation over and over.

The daughter of someone I went to school with died recently, it was unfortunatly expected as she had cancer. A couple of hours after she died he updated his personal facebook page to tell the remainder of his friends list, shortly after he updated the facebook page about his daughters journey so the "likers" on there knew the news.

In the time between his personal facebook update and the 'offical' update my FB became full of friends updating their status to share in their grief (and understandably so, she touched a lot of lives). The way social media works people will discuss sad things as well as good things. At least this way the family in question are in control of what is shared.

Anyone who questions how they decide to deal with it would perhaps be best of removing themselves from their friends list, as they are obviously not friends if their first thought was about the use of social media and not the tragedy of the situaiton

We had a family tragedy earlier this year. We told family and close friends and then it was announced on FB. I couldn't have told endless people, it's just too hard.

If anyone would have told me they were upset how they had been told I would have told them to fuck off.

What an odd post, why would you start a thread about a bereft and utterly traumatised parents method of letting others know?! If I knew what those little (arse) biscuit things were I'd give you one - but I don't so I wont.

I think it's interesting that you are informing us about this via the internet

Is it a way of coping with devastation pain?

Do you see what I am getting at?

devastating

So not only do you slag them off for their chosen medium, but you will actually not use it to support them out of some misguided sense of moral outrage? Take your head out of your arse, FFS.

I think you have to allow people to express themselves as they wish in these circumstances. None of us know how we would react unless god forbid it happened to us.
When my baby dd was seriously ill I posted on here just because I needed to share my fear with someone other than dd or dh. It did help, maybe it's helping your friends.

Just lets everybody know at the same time surely? I think I'd rather that than having to ring around and tell everybody individually, going over and over the same thing.

If you are feeling shocked by the news, just imagine how awful his poor parents must be feeling. Telling people heartbreaking news is one of the most hideous things to go through - you have to witness them being upset and then end up consoling them yourselves, plus it is so hard to say the words. A very quick Facebook status saves all of that agro. I doubt the very closest members of the family will have found out that way.

When my son was diagnosed with leukaemia (completely out of the blue) our immediate family were aware, but everyone else found out via Facebook. I didn't have the time, energy or inclination to do it 'the right way'.

YABU

When my son Alex was dx with cancer (which is probably not terminal) I let everyone know through FB except grandparents, our siblings, and a couple of friends.

It was hard enough calling my mum to tell her...I'd have hated to have to do that over and over again. My heart was breaking as it was. Lots of people had been worried about him, and it was the easiest way for ME.

So, in the nicest possible way, don't be a bastard.

'It's not about you.'
^^ this.

No judgement here op, I understand this was probably a knee jerk reaction.

I explained in my pp why I thought it was easier to announce news like this via social media and seem to have x posted with everyone.

I think maybe you should try to get this thread removed? I'd hate to think there was any chance of that family seeing a discussion on this.

I imagine that the closest family and friends have been told privately and this is just one of the many ways by which sad news can be conveyed to other people that may know them.

I found out my Father was dying via a cold text from a SM that was poles apart from this status update. Believe you me, it is abundantly clear when somebody doesn't give a fuck about your feelings and this FB post doesn't strike me as heartless.

You do what you have to do in circumstances like this. Poor them.

Twunk!

So all the posters telling the OP how hateful (that word has been used, among others) she is for thinking this and posting it: you're all better than that, right? Maybe go and look up irony in the dictionary.

The one good point made by these posters is for OP not to phone. They will have enough on their plate. Text them instead and they can respond when ready.

I also agree with the poster who said not to call. You could send a FB message saying you're very sorry and if they want you to call let them know. They will already be having difficult conversations with grandparents and other family.

I can understand why your friend did this. It's much easier than having to tell people individually and deal with their responses at a time when you just want to concentrate on your child.

My son had a near-fatal head injury. I mentioned it as a status update on Facebook in quite an understated, almost flippant way, because I was desperate to avoid sounding melodramatic. I would have hated to have to tell people individually and then respond to all their responses, IYSWIM. I just wanted to be with my son. I would have felt like a drama-queen telling people individually.

I think: fine to think it.

I wouldn't start a thread on it. Although if it has made her think about the other people in this scenario then that's good. I am surprised she didn't think about them before she pressed post, that's all

Pullthebricksdown she is judging someone who has been told their child is terminally ill. Yeah I think that's a pretty shit thing to do.