To think this is a busy site and as such

[strawberrydreamcake]

Show respect for your own privacy and that of other people's?

I am not going to say which one, so don't ask and I'm going to ignore any guessing games as well as they aren't the point of the thread and I find them a bit pathetic. But I am almost positive a 'friend' has been discussing my situation on Mumsnet.

She's obviously meant no harm but I am very recognisable.

If you want to post about someone else, change a few details or similar. It just isn't fair on the person you're posting about!

Id hope people are circumspect and sometimes yes they give way too much incidental detail away

Aren't you doing the same thing though?

If you think someone's posting about your situation just drop her a PM and tell her off you'd rather she didn't.

I wouldn't change the details if I was posting about something because the devil's in the detail on MN.

Pm or text her and then namechange?

Since I'm not discussing friends finances, children and marriage on here but saying mine were, I don't think I am doing the same thing! I'm a bit confused about how you came to that conclusion to be honest!

There are a lot of posts about 'my friend ...' And some of them are recognisable. My friend meant no harm, she hasn't said anything bad about me but just the same it's personal stuff that I'd rather wasn't dissected by strangers.

I agree too, occasionally someone will unwittingly give out enough details for people to put two and two together and work things out. It can't be very nice reading something about yourself either.

It really depends on the situation though - someone could relate a story that sounds familiar but gives a completely different take on the situation, so reading about yourself under those circumstances could be a real eye-opener and give some insight into the other person's motivations or thoughts on the matter.

In some cases, hearing other people's thoughts on a situation can completely change how people feel about things, which can also be beneficial.

Changing superficial details can be helpful, but then if someone is after advice on a specific set of circumstances, then that may not be that productive, especially given that they then have to remember which bits they have changed if they are asked follow-up questions. People are very quick to spot inconsistencies and inaccuracies which can make it a bit daunting to try and change too much for fear of being thought a troll, or getting advice which doesn't actually apply.

In what way do you think the poster is being unfair in your situation? Is it that you are concerned you could be outed in real life? Do you think their take on the situation is incorrect? Have they misrepresented their own position or yours? Are they leaving out important bits? Or is it just that you would rather not have to read strangers' thoughts on something that is happening to you?

Unfortunately, it's hard to say without knowing the situation (and I completely understand your point on guessing games etc) but although I can completely understand why you would feel exposed if you think someone's talking about you on here, I am not sure if there is a catch-all solution which would prevent it happening.

I will talk to friend next time I see her.

But my point is, if you're talking about a friend - don't assume they will want their marital problems, precarious finances or whatever all over one of the busiest sites on the internet!

Is it this one OP?

Agent I'm not clicking on that link as I don't want this to even start, I think I made it clear in my OP I wasn't going down that road and if that's where the threads going then you're on a highway to nowhere as I'll just hide it.

Op no one knows who the hell you are

You've no idea if this poster is your pal

What on earth are you blethering on about?

Does it have details that would make you really identifiable to others or are you just cross that someone's talking about you?

I read an aibu,she disclosed her own location,the exwife location,details dh
You'd definitely be able to recognise them if you knew them
I dont think people mean harm,its the informality of medium.forgetting its all public

Hahahaha @ agent

You been on the funny stuff op?

Haha Zigzag. Going by your username, that thread is more likely about you!

How rude bogqueen. 'What the hell I'm on about' is a thread that is, quite blatantly, about me and my situation.

I have already said I'm not playing guessing games, but it certainly isn't 'I know a lady with 2 DCs who bakes cakes' - a tad more personal!

Picnic, my point is that a lot of people post about their friends on here and it can be quite personal. It's also very easy to recognise yourself, or someone you know, and that may well not be what your friend wants.

It isn't the end of the world. I'm not angry with friend. But I can't pretend I'm not perturbed at the fact a personal anecdote about me is on a very busy site - and others will recognise it too.

That is "what the hell I'm on about."

All I am saying is - people don't post personal details about themselves, mostly - award the same privacy to your friends, and their families.

but nobody knows who you are!

Oh, I think it would make my dreams come true if I found a thread about me. I'd savour it and slowly make the person realise I knew and watch them squirm. And then murder them. Joke. Or not.

Yes exactly scottishmummy. I'm not coming on here ranting and raging about "how dare my friend write about me on Mumsnet" but I am saying people are careful with their own security but sometimes lax with that of others.

If there is a thread that you honestly believe is written about you and your family, maybe send an email to MNHQ and ask them to deal with it?

It is probably better than creating this new thread because it wont help your situation when we are likely to ask you questions you dont want to answer (because your post is quite confusing).

I don't actually think the OP is being all that unreasonable. People on here post a shocking amount of personal information which if someone was determined enough, could easily identify them. And they don't just post their own information, they post that of their neighbours, partners, friends, colleagues and relatives.

Seriously, think before you post personal stuff.

If it is so personal and you are easily spotted/outed then ask MNHQ to delete the thread OP.

PM your friend ad explain how you feel then ask her to request that her thread be deleted for the above reasons.

No, bog queen, people DO know who I am.

YOU don't, but people in my town do. People I work with do. People I know from hobbies and similar do.

If any of them are Mumsnetters, if they wished, they would recognise me from a description and know a couple of things that are generally considered fairly personal/private pieces of information.

No harm meant. Nothing malicious intended. Friend was told this in confidence and hasn't, as far as I can see, breached this as she hasn't named me and she hasn't named herself.

But I am still recognisable to anyone who does know me

I absolutely agree with you.some people are somewhat indiscreet.probably unintentionally
But do bear in mind the mn have non-exclusive copyright,it can be replicated elsewhere
Ive read threads here and yes def recognise places,wondered about people

I do get what you are saying - I think people get carried away. A touch of superhero syndrome maybe.

What you need to remember is that you are recognisable to you only. I have read threads and thought "is that so and so?" And then pretty much forget because no situation is fully unique.

The problem is you have now piqued an interest . . . It will blow over and no one will remember or care apart from your friend.

Flossy I have dealt with it thanks.

I intended the thread as a general point not advice on my personal situation. I'm confident friend meant no harm but there are a plethora of similar threads - this has happened to my friend, my friends DC did/said this, my friends DH does this.

They can be pretty recognisable, especially if the poster doesn't namechange and you can put it into the picture with other posts. People don't always do this maliciously - I was searching for a thread once and I remembered the name of someone who posted on it and did a search. Over a three month period, she'd posted her teenage DD's fairly distinctive first name, where she went to school, her bra size and date of birth. Nothing horrible, nothing mean - just chit chat. But it's possible to give away a LOT of information like that.