To think this is a busy site and as such

[strawberrydreamcake]

Show respect for your own privacy and that of other people's?

I am not going to say which one, so don't ask and I'm going to ignore any guessing games as well as they aren't the point of the thread and I find them a bit pathetic. But I am almost positive a 'friend' has been discussing my situation on Mumsnet.

She's obviously meant no harm but I am very recognisable.

If you want to post about someone else, change a few details or similar. It just isn't fair on the person you're posting about!

Sparkling have you been shown the same door as me?

Getting trigger happy with the details and 'AIBU to ditch my friend after seeing her come out of Greggs eating a pasty' is going to get a totally different response to 'AIBU to ditch my Croc wearing friend after seeing her come out of Greggs eating a pasty'.

Innit?

OP, I do understand your point and I have wondered if this had happened. I don't discuss this sight in real life and haven't told anyone I post on here.

No one needs to get their coat, I'm just not sure how I have been transformed into a ranting raging person who should report friend to MN

I'm not really bothered about my case, but thinking about posts from just the last few hours (totally made up but along the lines of)

'My friend is being evicted and has lived in this house for 5 years but only has two months to find somewhere near her child's school and he is in year 1.'

'My friends parents died when she was 18 in a car crash and she inherited half a million, although some of that was in compensation. She said at her wedding last year nothing could replace them being there, although she did have her son last month who she named after her dad."

'My friend bought a Toyota yaris last month, a 2013 model. She's had loads of trouble with it, although admittedly not as much as she's had with her new boyfriend and it'll get worse now she's pregnant!"

Okay those examples and especially the last one, are exaggerating my point a bit but I'm trying to say and obviously failing miserably, it's really easy to give away enough information to give the person, or someone in the know, the heads up.

Sienna ruin a friendship? Betrayal of trust?

I get what you mean. Assume who you're posting about would like privacy. Simples.

Vicar's recent situation spooked me to be honest.

I agree with OP. I see loads of posts in which a third party would be identifiable from the details given.

Obviously, you'd have to know the person to make the connection. It must be very odd to read about yourself on here. I'm sure I wouldn't like it.

That's a good thing though? If your friend takes the piss out of you, it's good to find out and ditch them.

If they are talking to a bunch of anonymous people on here to try and get advice about how to help or deal with a situation, then that's not a bad thing either.

In all those examples above that OP gave, the person it's about might realise but no one else would without the same initiate details that they'd already know to recognise it.

There's always a level of anonymity.

FWIW I understand what you are saying too - I have held back from posting about things in the past because I realised that if the person I was talking about read it, they would recognise themselves and I didn't want to put them in a position where they felt I would happily share their personal details online.

They may be one step removed, it may not even be a case of them recognising themselves or being recognised by others, but the knowledge that someone is sharing personal details about you online does make you feel as though you have to be wary of what you share and leaves you feeling a little violated.

I am a pretty private person generally, and although I have shared details of my episiotomy, light-hearted tales of petty arguments with my husband, details of my son's medical conditions and other relatively inconsequential personal details fairly casually with my friends and family, I wouldn't want to think that anyone was posting about me online in an arena where someone else could potentially put together the details and learn something about me that I wouldn't have wanted to share with them.

See, if it was along the lines of "AIBU to be well jell of my gorgeous pal who is completely amazing, well read and can bake fantastic scones?" I would be chuffed

It wasn't flattering or non flattering and again, I have actually answered that point. It was some facts about me which in the context of the thread were relevant and harmless enough.

But I didn't massively want them shared.

Sienna, as to how it could affect your life - well yes, it could, if someone was posting about their friends extra marital affair, their precarious finances, the awful trouble they'd had when they were cautioned by the police. It doesn't actually take that much imagination to realise some things, if spilled out and recognised, could be pretty embarrassing at best. (I am sure the penis beaker lady, the original one, was embarrassed at how her thread took off and that was a thread she posted and had to take responsibility for, in a sense, much worse if it was about a friend! Although I'd hope that friend in question wouldn't discuss that sort of thing but who knows!)

And sparkling, you were on the pinned post saying you had hidden AIBU as it was just so nasty. Well - why stir up trouble by making me out to have gratuitously insulted you by pointing out I'd answered the question you were asking already? AIBU is what you make it, and all that.

There is something happening in your life that is so unique you are the only person in the world it is happening to.

This. Especially as there are people on MN from all around the world.

If I ever got 'outed' on MN I would just deny it and say it wasn't me. Nobody could ever be 100% sure it's you, even if they suspect it. That's why people often write 'are you my DH' or 'are you my mum' because some circumstances look exactly like someone you know, only it isn't. Even funnier is when people write 'are you me?' because somebody else just described exactly their life, only it isn't!

They'd have to include a heck of a lot of detail to make anyone certain it was someone they knew though. But I get your point. If they did include every single detail about the persons life, it might ever so slightly possibly out them. You'd have to include a heck of a lot lot lot of details though!

Like names, ages, locations, jobs.

Not the average posts you see on here at all. Maybe once in a blue moon do you see something like that.

I see your point, and agree, but I'm not sure it is a case of 'afford them the same courtesy'.
I have tended to see that people fall in to two broad camps - open and closed.
So the people posting about friends or family in recognisable detail are more likely to be those who are less obfuscating with their own details.
Of course there is a feeling of almost 'double' anonymity - no-one knows me & so definitely can't identify who I might know - that might drop guards slightly but I do think you either are aware or not.

It comes up repeatedly that we slip here, we're too open and people are outed. More as you can connect to personal social media without quite realising how blurred that can make your separate ids.
I think the message is more of the same that keeps cropping up - be careful, be aware and remember that MN is public. You may need a login to comment but anyone, anywhere, can read your posts, search and possibly recognize you. Be that someone on a different continent or your dc's teacher, or even a stalker or ex. Also MNUser99 could be the lone parent from the NE but is just as possible to be anon pervert from London.
Of course it's bad form to air a friend's recognisable dirty laundry (although to some extent agree with MaryZ how unique is unique really in many threads - not very) but it follows on from thinking a screen name confers anonymity even though you basically spell out your life online. It's an extension of bad internet safety rather than stand alone.

Sienna, I have recognised two people just from a couple of details.

One was somebody who had a relative pass away in quite unique circumstances: the other was a lady who had two DDs within 9 months of each other. In the same post as mentioning her age gap and the fact both her children were female, she said roughly where in the UK she lived, then in the next post happened to mention her husbands profession.

That's all it takes. We are unique, or at any rate we often have things which make us unique. That's fine when you're posting about you, but when it's not you - it's just a good idea to bear that in mind, I think.

I always wonder about the wedding threads, especially the ones with rude funny invites. They are often quoted word for word. If the invites are as outrageous as posters claim them to be there must be dozens and dozens of people who could identify the happy couple.

I always disguise my details even on the most innocent of threads.

OP YANBU

I've been supporting a friend through a horrendous situation recently. I doubt very much that she uses the site but people she knows might. I wouldn't dream of posting about it as the details would render her identifiable very quickly.

No need for names, locations etc. if the situation is described in any detail then that's often enough.

I continue to agree with op.i think the informality of the medium lowers folk guard
They think they're amongst friends/like minded types when in fact its big ole internet

Maryz, honestly, I am not being a tit. I'm really, really not.

But I have explained the point of the thread. It is to point out to people that the people they are posting about can be recognised, and may not be overjoyed about this.

To go back to my earlier example - loads of pregnant people in York? - yes. Loads of pregnant people whose husbands recently moved there due to a promotion? Narrows the field a lot. Pregnant people who gave birth in June who recently moved to York following DHs promotion? Probably a tiny proportion. Pregnant people who ate in X restaurant with friends, who then gave birth in June, who were I. York because of DH s promotion? I bet that OP would have known it was them!

So what I'm saying is, it's easy to be blasé and think 'oh yeah, loads of people live in York, loads of people have a cat who has had kittens, loads of people inherited money when their parents died" but totally without malice, it's very, VERY easy to slip in further details that can identify someone who doesn't want to be identified.

That's IT, really!

Ive read threads here and thought,aye thats G12 alright

In York, not I. York.

I am not York

And strangely I almost certainly know one of you. And you're lovely. And hello :) (same username from another forum from years ago)

I have never recognised myself or anyone I know on here-I don't pay that much attention.

I have only recently unhidden AIBU topic. It's not going well so far.....