To think this is a busy site and as such

[strawberrydreamcake]

Show respect for your own privacy and that of other people's?

I am not going to say which one, so don't ask and I'm going to ignore any guessing games as well as they aren't the point of the thread and I find them a bit pathetic. But I am almost positive a 'friend' has been discussing my situation on Mumsnet.

She's obviously meant no harm but I am very recognisable.

If you want to post about someone else, change a few details or similar. It just isn't fair on the person you're posting about!

Here is a topical reminder why people need to be careful.

MUMSNET thread about 'hilarious' wedding poem. Includes uncomplimentary comments about bride and groom etc etc

Yesterday's Guardian with the poem printed in all it's glory.

Hopefully MNHQ will change the OPs name as she has a long posting history.

People are incredibly indiscreet on MN. Its one thing if its about your own life, it is quite another when discussing 'friends' or even people you work with (I don't mean colleagues).

Those OPs about NDN with their free cars and big tvs and 4 children, one who is supposed to be disabled. Details of where in the country the OP lives, what sort of street it is and as they get more and more outraged that not everyone is agreeing with them that their NDN is a scrounger, they give out more details to try and prove their point.

Then you get the teachers, TAs and support workers who think its hilarious to discuss the parents/children they work with. The ghastly names they have, the things they spend their money on.

Seriously, if someone has a mind to they can find out who you are from your posting history.

That is your lookout if you are telling people about yourself. Its not fair if you are doing it about your friends, colleagues or service users.

There are ways of discussing things without using identifying details.

how is your kitchen now op?

My kitchen is fine, but of course you're not remotely interested in my kitchen, are you?

I presume you think you know the thread or who i am and I don't think that you do since to my knowledge nothing remarkable has ever happened in my kitchen and since it was installed when we bought the house there was no drama in buying it either.

Devere - exactly. Thanks.

oops, well of course you have a point.
you are normally a mumsnetter i take it OP?

surely the chances of finding a thread about you msut be very remote. cant you message the poster concerned?

Slarty, that wasn't the point of the thread - I will have a little chat with friend next time I see her.

The point is that lots of people talk about their friends and colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances - and it doesn't take as much detail as people think to recognise yourself or somebody else.

Strawberry I agree with you. There was a very funny thread recently (about free spirited children) that I had an absolute classic of an example I could have added.

But I didn't because it involved a friend (who I'm fairly sure is a MNer) and she would have been so hurt if she'd worked out who posted it (either through the details or my posting history)

I name change regularly because advanced search reveals an awful lot about a poster that can be used to I'd them if you know them (though simple things like pet phrases, stories they've told etc)

I have a stonker of a stealth boast on a child's party invite that I would love to share.
But I can't

It would be bad and wrong.

You lot would love it though

Also I think you are being quite restrained, if I told a friend something in confidence and she shared is (however anonymously) with millions of people I be fairly peeved to say the least.

I once read a post that could have been me. I searched the posters posting history and she could have been my ExSil.

I eventually stumbled across a few posts from about 6 years previous and some details in there made it clear it was not my ExSil at all. You may be reading to much into it. If you don't like it ring your friend now, ask if it was her and request it be removed if it was. If it's not important enough to actually sort out now then it obviously doesn't bother you that much.

Do you also go around local pubs and coffee shops requesting that everyone who knows you avoids talking about you? Or is it just normal human conversation on MN that bothers you?

I don't get it. Sure, someone might know who you are. If you don't want people to know embarrassing personal details, don't share those details and don't embarrass yourself in public.

??

I haven't embarrassed myself in public - or have I? Shared with one friend something that was awful to our family but certainly no ones fault and not 'embarrassing' - personal I suppose but not embarrassing.

As I've said there is a difference between a conversation in a coffee shop and one on here. Ones on here stay for months and years. Ones on here are shared with millions.

I might chat about somebody in a coffee shop but I wouldn't do it in front of them ...

Anyway no point continuing it as I've said I'm not the MNHQ :) so post what you want, really. But it's worth bearing in mind (I think)

I get you OP.

I've posted on another part of Mumsnet under another name to ask how I could support my friend through a difficult circumstance - I made sure I changed a few minor details (our location for one as that had no bearing on the situation).

I've mentioned before that I recognised a poster from RL due to a combination of very specific circumstances and some personal information she'd previously posted - anyone who knew her would have known it was her if you see what I mean? Now that is absolutely her look out but she called into question the professionalism of about 5 people I know as well. THAT was bang out of order as anyone who had identified her would have identified them as well (also, she was completely incorrect in what she was saying about them). I was very conflicted. I felt sorry for her as she was obviously in a bad place but I also felt bad for the people she had made very clearly identifiable. I did nothing except for gently point out to her she might consider x, y, z which went down like a lead balloon. I feel I did the wrong thing by the other 5 people though.

If you're not embarrassed, then what on earth is the issue?

It just comes across as a mixture of naive and patronizing to do a huge thread about it.

I sort of get where you are coming from. I know someone on here in RL and she posts a fair amount but has made herself very identifiable (eg. Posting links to things from her real life, same photos on here and FB etc). Sometimes I do a bit of advanced searching come across her posts and I am astonished at the things she writes on here. It's obvious who she is if you know her in real life and while I have never seen her post anything truly sensitive or controversial, there are things that I am pretty sure she doesn't share in real life.

I actually recognised a situation she posted about once - it wasn't about me but I was there. Lets just say she exaggerated a little bit.......

There is at least one current thread where the OP has posted details about a third party who would recognise herself very quickly if she were to read it.

Oh gosh lrd - I'm not, exactly, starting a thread about me but using my specific example to illustrate a general point re privacy.

A lot of people seem to understand that and have given examples of where they've seen it but others have just made me feel heckled and cross, with comments like 'stop embarrassing yourself in public' (?) 'hilarious' remarks that I need to stop smoking weed, clever and smug posts that think they've 'found me out' - I'm just left baffled, honestly, that it's a contentious point in any way shape or form.

But clearly for some of you it is - but I don't know why! It's not me, I'm not that fussed about 'me' and my issue but the next person might be and I just think it's fair to remember that!

YANBU OP. People should be more careful.

I've recognised a couple of people on here, and I haven't got a particularly wide social circle. Both the ones I spotted were on the kind of threads which invite you to share anecdotes or unusual experiences. Think about woo threads ... if you've had a woo experience, the chances are you've told a lot of people in RL about it.

I do love reading those kind of threads, but am very cautious about posting on them myself.

I also haven't 'liked' Mumsnet on Facebook - too dangerous!! Might as well walk around with a badge saying 'I post on Mumsnet ... look out for me.'

Ok then.

There's a thread ATM about a Mner who met a lady in a park with her tantruming DSD and asking how she could help her. There was lots of detail.

If I was the lady in the park and I saw that thread, I wouldn't respond to texts from the no doubt well meaning Mner.

That's the thread I was referring to Politelydeclining

I agree with you.

Thanks sooty

The lady's age, age if the children, specific things she'd said about her DP and his job. If you happened to know the lady concerned I'd think you would know instantly who she was, have all the details of an embarrassing public incident, how apparently useless her DP is and what she (privately) thought afterwards.

I'd be furious.

How very timely,op there's a thread people harrumphing about privacy and intrusion
A wedding poem discussed on mn has been replicated in guardian

Thanks for posting this, I have also been upset by recognising myself. It's not just about embarrassment or gossip.

A poster mentioned the death of my DC, in combination with some other things which made it jump out at me. She didn't do anything bad or wrong, but it felt shocking to see it. It seemed so thoughtless. Of course everyone posts about their own lives, naturally with their own personal feelings at the centre of their account, so here was this devastating part of my life presented in an unfamiliar way, detached from our family and with far less attention paid to our anonymity than hers (though I could tell who it was). I felt unable to articulate to why I didn't like it in any way which seemed reasonable, and I didn't want some big "I saw you on MN" exchange I hadn't asked for, so I just left it. Posters do need to take care with sharing other people's stories, especially when those stories are very personal.

Obviously if you know certain topics will upset you then you take care to avoid them or just accept that this is what it means to live in a social world, and you develop coping strategies. But there is a difference between reading about a scenario which resembles yours, and reading about your specific family in a chatty post when you are already coping with a loss you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.