AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

Maryz

HotPinkWeasel, I couldn't agree more.

I hope these are size 6-8 lederhosen weasel

yes. You are. I'm gorgeous.

I am distraught now.

Thanks weasel

Zombie likes to banter. She doesn't like goady fuckers.

Reports weasel for people shaming.

Garlic; yes you're right

Good lord, shake, can I have that on a framed certificate, please? What a reasonable expletive you are

But, Zombie, you're nice. Most of us are - well, some of us are - well, I am a cunt twat prick arse goady fucker seething mass of impotent rage, finding scant deliverance through cursing at strangers.

You're the necessary counterbalance :)

shake, it's not that long ago that 'fuck' was considered as bad as you think 'cunt' is. Give it a few years, and everyone on tv will be saying it.

Which is a good thing. It pisses me off that cunt is *the^ worst swear, why should it be considered so much worse than prick.

Anyway, back to AIBU, let's just nuke the GFs

Something else I've noticed, when I joined several years ago bringing up things about a poster from other threads was Not Done, but it does seem to be happening more now and I don't think that helps things.

I promise this is relevant to the original post and not just me jumping on the bandwagon with my favourite pet peeve much but can we PLEASE report and be listened to when someone hasn't RTFT? Because not only is it sodding annoying, but it leads to situations where the OP says, quite reasonably, 'Oh, I hadn't seen the situation like that, thank you. IABU' and most of the crowd cheers, and then some utter idiots come on all 'Have only read the OP, but OP you are a vile piece of filth. HTH!'.

Grrrr.

Shakethetree

Yes - It's s parenting site. Which means its for adults doesn't it?
I didn't stop saying rude words because I became a mother .
I like rude words and I see cunt as no worse than fuck or twat.
Of you are on a site that permits swearing that rather is it. It's not a site that permits swear words you are ok with.

I don't like 'bumsex' in thread titles much but it's not really my view that counts.

I also find that incredibly annoying tortoise! If it is a long thread you simply can't read the OP and pile in- things move on. It is very tedious to have to point out that OP changed their mind 2 pages back had they bothered to actually read.
I am not inclined to report personal attacks - I had a horrible one a while ago and I thought it better to keep it in and let everyone see what sort of person it was than get it hidden and glossed over.

I really like banter and goady fuckers are very boring. Has the site really changed that much? I've been a member for yonks now and this is raised all the time, oh it was so much better in the old days. I know I've moved to the other side of the world and see most threads long after they were exciting but on the whole things seem pretty much the same to me.

I've been on MN since 2008 and seen little change other than less of the twee backslapping lists of fabulous MNers.

I have been here since 2011, and I think it's changed. Maybe some of us are more sensitive to it than others?
I think there were more threads started just for fun with no point to them and that seems to be very frowned upon now. There has to be a mega serious point to every thread it seems.

You can't tell someone they are wrong and a terrible person on a fun thread can you so people don't like that.

I've been here about 6 years and it definitely has changed - there always have been angry impatient arses, but there's a critical mass issue where too many of them means people who need a bit of kindness get yelled at instead.

It makes the site very difficult to recommend.

Echt. Then you get a slow, heavily moderated site if that happens.

I would recommend it for robust debate, but I would tell people to keep away if you want support and helpful suggestions.
There is a thread at the moment where a pregnant woman is feeling hard done by and very down but she is rich - and talk about putting the boot in!!
There is far too much instant response without the thought that it is a real person. Some people must be in total shock at the way their thread goes.
MNHQ like to think they have a kind and nourishing site and promote that part but often 'nest of vipers' is more realistic!
I would never ask for advice or give personal details.

I think the general tone has changed, driven by some posters, and I think it does stem from AIBU and the whole 'nest of vipers' reputation that gets bandied around. It's as if people feel that they have to behave in a sneery, bitchy and sarcastic way, as opposed to thinking about the person behind the post first and foremost.

There was some pretty unpleasant cliquey stuff going on when I first joined - all the calls to join people on MSN for a private chat, but announced very publicly on a thread - but generally the tone wasn't like it can be these days. And there was a lot more wit, i.e. intelligent humour, evident than there is these days. Martianbishop was a classic case in point - her posts were legendary.

I think a 'like' button would be a great addition because often someone is frightened to post but they could press 'like' to show support for someone who is getting a hard time. Threads get skewed so that a minority view seems like a majority view.