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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to expect my SAHM iron my shirt.

202 replies

burgatroyd · 22/07/2014 07:35

We are having this discussion over breakfast and I have borrowed her tablet and mn name to pose this question.
She has a three year old at part time nursery and a five month old. I work full time in an office. I offered to iron my shirts but she does them. They are often creased, my opinion, but she feels they are good enough.

For instance one shirt had a creased line down the buttons and I had to wear a tie. I pointed this out.

Am I being unreasonable pointing out the creases?

OP posts:
canweseethebunnies · 22/07/2014 09:04

Do those of you who think the SAHP should all the housework and childcare really think that they should do everything from crack of dawn to bed time seven days a week whilst their dp just has to go out to work?

I cannot imagine the luxury of simply having to go to work and having everything else taken care of. I must get myself a wife.

HavanaSlife · 22/07/2014 09:07

Does she know you are using her account?

SleepRefugee · 22/07/2014 09:09

The SAHP should do as much housework as they can reasonably fit in during the WOHP's office hours. At all other times, the housework and childcare should be shared equally.

ithoughtofitfirst · 22/07/2014 09:09

canwesee made me laugh Grin

When I was writing my post my dh walks in to ds's room where I was and said 'don't suppose you could Iron my shirt I don't have time' after telling me half an hour earlier that he stayed up til 1am playing FIFA

Dickhead!

I ironed it. Of course. I'm a twat.

Numanoid · 22/07/2014 09:09

Do those of you who think the SAHP should all the housework and childcare really think that they should do everything from crack of dawn to bed time seven days a week whilst their dp just has to go out to work?

I haven't said so myself, but I don't think they should do everything. The majority of housework and childcare, yes, but not all.

Poor OP should just have told his wife he'd take care of his shirts, to be honest, rather than posting it here.

SanityClause · 22/07/2014 09:13

I'm a bit confused by your post Numanoid.

I think if the OP's partner had posted that her DP criticised how she ironed his shirts, but had offered to do them himself, the overwhelming response would be, "let him do it, then!" Which is what we have here.

I see what you mean about the "doing it poorly, so he ends up doing it himself" attitude, but if that was her strategy, why wouldn't she just have agreed to him ironing in the first place?

ZanyMobster · 22/07/2014 09:17

I don't think a SAHP should do everything 24/7 but I equally wouldn't have expected DH to come home after working 8-6 and then start cleaning the bathroom or hoovering when I had been at home all day.

If I had been out all day with the DCs or had a particularly difficult day with them then of course he would help and also helped clear up after tea, bathing the kids etc but the majority of the main housework I would do during the day when I was at home whilst he was at work.

I do have friends whose OHs would complain about how clean or tidy the house was which would have made me furious, one even left a post it note on the door saying 'Dusting today please!' - grrrrrr!

arethereanyleftatall · 22/07/2014 09:18

Bunnies - I think the sahp should do all hw and cc whilst the wohp is at work. This should be enough time for the weeks hw to be done. Evenings and weekends, childcare and any hw created during that time should be equally shared.

DarklingJane · 22/07/2014 09:19

But how was the placket ?

Are you saying you wear cheap shirts ?

For the avoidance of doubt have not read all posts
Am assuming a wind up .

Numanoid · 22/07/2014 09:21

I see what you mean about the "doing it poorly, so he ends up doing it himself" attitude, but if that was her strategy, why wouldn't she just have agreed to him ironing in the first place?

I don't think that was her strategy (well, it might have been but I wouldn't guess so). I think that instead of posting, he should just have said "no, I'll iron my shirts" and stuck to it.

I was just confused as on another thread, so many posters are complaining about how their husbands/partners don't do things right, and they're always having to correct them or tell them not to do it as it isn't up to their own standard. Other posters (not all, but most) laughed, agreed and said "that's men for you", etc. So why is burgatroyd's DP being criticized for saying exactly the same thing?

Numanoid · 22/07/2014 09:24

one even left a post it note on the door saying 'Dusting today please!' - grrrrrr!

That's rude! I would have read that as to mean "whatever you do, definitely don't do the dusting today". Grin Leaving a post-it note would just have made my mood worse.
I ask DP to do some things when I'm at work if he isn't (shifts - sometimes he'll finish before me/be off when I'm in) and vice versa, but it's never more than "could you do the hoovering if you have time?" I wouldn't leave him an instruction.

Original poster
burgatroyd · 22/07/2014 09:27

I have decided to post now! I am the sahm, not his mother. He has gone to work now. Yes, I did ask him to post on mn as we were having a friendly quibble over breakfast after a sleepless night with our baby. I thought I'd be nice and iron his shirts but he is very fussy and I am open mouthed (but not angry, perhaps a little outraged) at this and wondered what mn thought out of interest.
He does offer to do ironing but never gets round to it and I do feel sorry for him when he goes into work looking like a crumpled paper bag. Though I am no master ironer I thought my attempts would be an improvement on situation but I realise now the have to be entirely crease free, which i simply dont know how to do, and dont have time, and frankly cant be bothered, to do.

He can now iron his own shirts.

OP posts:
BlinkingHeck · 22/07/2014 09:29

Yay!

LittleBearPad · 22/07/2014 09:30

Birgatroyd is being criticised for referring to his partner as his SAHM. Referring to her children, let's assume in the absence of him saying otherwise that they are also his.

Finally the Yoda speak is spot on.

wowfudge · 22/07/2014 09:30

I thought this a weird reverse - take them to a launderette where they'll wash and iron them for you. Problem solved.

LittleBearPad · 22/07/2014 09:31

Cross post!!

Lala83 · 22/07/2014 09:32

Ha ha burgatroyd, well said! He may think before he speaks in future! :-)

TheRealMaryMillington · 22/07/2014 09:32

Are you the 3 year old?

(if its your SAHM?)

You must be very advanced if you can use a tablet this well and wear a tie.

SanityClause · 22/07/2014 09:33

Okay, I see what you mean.

The "oh, that's men for you" attitude is just rubbish - as if their penises somehow get in the way while cleaning the bath, or frying some chicken?

I think, in this instance, the OP's partner is doing something specifically for him. I think, where it is cleaning to a certain standard, for the good of the household, it needs to be done properly, and pointing that out is reasonable. Of course, there is the other extreme, where nothing a male partner does is good enough to his female partner, and that's not acceptable, either.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 22/07/2014 09:36

Good plan, burgatroyd.

It's interesting that when he has to do it, he doesn't bother it does it very badly; when you do it, he complains about something less than perfection.

One reason the ironing gets done when both DH and I are home is safety - he can shut himself in the bedroom with TV on the laptop and power through whilst I stop the kids from going anywhere near!

HumpsForHalfMile · 22/07/2014 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joysmum · 22/07/2014 09:45

I think the title says it all, he think you are HIS SAHM.

eddielizzard · 22/07/2014 09:47

'my sahm'

maybe return your sahm and ask for another?

have read whole thread - yes, i would get him to iron his own shirts.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 22/07/2014 09:48

A pile of shirts hanging on the back of a chair for days would get on my nerves. Clean clothes that need ironing are stored in the tumble dryer (so the rest of use don't have to look at them).

OneDreamOnly · 22/07/2014 09:51

he does offer to go the ironing but never gets around to it

Do you really believe that??
Let him iron his shirts AND ask him to do all the rest too. Then you will be able to 'correct' him and offer ways to 'improve' too.
Seriously he would be happy to go to work in a crummed shirt but feels he can criticise you because it's not good enough to his liking? Arggg