to feel sad at not having own children?

[Nobabynobotherbut]

The worst thing is, I am an only child so I don't even have nieces or nephews to buy things for and spoil a bit!

Obviously I'm not BU to feel like this but it is sad.

[Teds77]

Going back to your original post. YANBU to feel sad.

Before I had my children I found the prospect of being childless incredibly sad and didn't know how I would cope. Now that I have my children, whilst I wouldn't change it for the world I can see more clearly how life might have panned out and I do think I could have been happy and content.

I don't have any advice but if it seems so unlikely you'll have kids I hope you can find some peace with this situation.

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

But as I asked earlier, how old are you? Unless you've actually been through the menopause then surely it's not totally outrageous that you might meet someone & have a child?

[MagicMojito]

You understand that 99% of the posters on this thread have been supportive and understanding towards you?

I get that your sad, I get that your frustrated but you are coming across imo rather arsey. People really have only offered opinions and tried to help you.

for you though, although its not the same before I had dds I went through a few mc's. I remember that yearning feeling. It's really not nice.
Wishing you alot of luck for whatever the future holds for you XX

[Toottootoffwego]

OK YABU.

[Toottootoffwego]

You kind of want them BUT only if you can still continue to buy your own home, continue your career, not use AI, and not foster or adopt.
YABU cos you're choosing YES choosing childlessness and then moaning about it.
Life isn't perfect, we don't all have nicely planned lives.

[Toottootoffwego]

FWIW my kids cost about £30k in fertility treatment and my career is stalled, but I wouldn't change a second.

[HaroldLloyd]

Undergoing fertility treatment to have a baby on your own with no family is a huge step and not for everyone.

It's not as easy as saying your not allowed to be sad because you didn't have treatment and have a baby on your own, is it?

YANBU

[nobabynobotherbut]

Too - I just started the thread because I felt a bit sad last night, that's all :)

I don't mean to come across as rude, but I have had to explain several times over now why certain things aren't an option for me, and it has felt that people just don't want to let me be sad - I keep being pushed to options that I haven't mentioned but others have decided would suit me!

I don't wish to divulge my age because people would doubtless insist I have years which may be true in a technical sense but not in a practical one - I haven't met a man. I think this is unlikely, not impossible but unlikely.

I think I am at peace with it but there's obviously a difference in being at peace and being totally happy with a situation, if you see what I mean :)

[nobabynobotherbut]

Too, give it a rest, okay?

If you want me to be blunt, I will: it goes against everything I believe in to have a baby without a father. It goes against everything I believe in to have a baby with no means of supporting him or her. It goes against everything I believe in to have a baby when I could die and leave them alone: not with a loving set of grandparents, a caring dad, devoted aunt, but no one.

If those reasons aren't good enough for you, and I am still feeling unreasonable for daring to feel sad that my life hasn't quite brought what I hoped it was, then well - what can I say? I just hope your own children have a bit more empathy and understanding that most situations aren't one size fits all.

[Toottootoffwego]

"Not an option for me."

Says who? You, presumably. And you "haven't met a man" - motherhood doesn't have to be that way.

All I'm saying is you DO have options and choices. They might not be perfect, but if course it depends how badly you want something.

If your choices make you sad, make different ones. It really IS that simple.

[nobabynobotherbut]

Says who - me.

I am hardly petitioning the Houses of Parliament about my childlessness, I started a thread on Mumsnet.

If it bothers you, don't read it. I'd actually rather you didn't - you doubtless think you are being refreshingly honest but I am finding you tedious and quite rude.

I did not ask about or mention ai, adoption or fostering in my OP as for various reasons they are not options for me.

[MissSmiley]

I know two people who met husbands on match.com
They both put a huge amount of effort into finding their partners. Have you tried online dating? You have to work hard at it, it isn't easy and you have to kiss a lot of toads to find a prince so to speak but it does work.

I think you should work on this before writing off the baby thing.

[HaroldLloyd]

Why can't OP feel sad about not meeting a partner?

Fucks sake, people aren't robots.

[nobabynobotherbut]

I have toyed with the internet for dating but it is most fruitless. Unfortunately i am a very plain woman! (I consider I have inner beauty!) Just the same, objectively I can understand why men don't really rush to contact me!

It isn't too late altogether but it is unlikely. Not impossible but definitely unlikely. I'm moving towards accepting this now and it would be helpful if people could respect that.

[Toottootoffwego]

Cross posted.

Look, your beliefs are your CHOICE. If your chices make you sad then consider different ones.

You absolutely do have the option to choose something different, but that's often an uncomfortable thing to admit to yourself.

I'm intrigued that you posted on AIBU and then when someone presents a different view, accuse them of lacking empathy, and tell them to give it a rest! I wonder was there a part of you that wanted to read a different view? You sound very hard on yourself in a strange way.

[MagicMojito]

I get what your saying its frustrating when you don't want solutions to a problem and just want to offload/vent about your situation.

Just remember though, that the majority of posters on your thread have had good intentions :)

[nobabynobotherbut]

Thank you Harold

[Toottootoffwego]

Cos she's not sad about not meeting a partner. She's posted about being sad she doesn't have children yet has set herself up to believe that children are only an option within very specific circumstances which may not be necessarily "true".

[HaroldLloyd]

Should go like this

Have you thought about going it alone

No, for various reasons

OK I respect your choice on that.

Not hectoring her about it. It can be a great solution for some but it's not for everyone.

[HaroldLloyd]

It's true for her. She wants a traditional set up, it's not happened, she feels a bit sad.

[nobabynobotherbut]

Too a different view isn't quite what it is. People made suggestions, I explained these suggestions weren't viable and yet they continued. This made me feel a little bit cross to be honest. Yes, I appreciate this wasn't the intention but when you are trying to accept something hard it is difficult when people keep insisting you try this, or that as if it is a revelation.

People like to feel helpful, I realise that, but just the same, when someone says "AI is not for me" I don't think it's unreasonable to ask that people respect that and don't keep pushing it. It's a very, very personal thing and even if money wasn't an issue I just wouldn't feel comfortable with it.

I think I'd prefer to leave the thread at that, now - I really hope it isn't going to turn into how I should go on match.com and try harder and look at fostering, or whatever - I am trying to accept it!

[Toottootoffwego]

More cross posting. I'm sorry you find me "tedious and rude." Perhaps you'd like to write what you'd like to see and then I can cut and paste it.

[Toottootoffwego]

If you're finding it so hard and painful to accept the consequences of your own choices, then make another choice.

[HaroldLloyd]

I think you have banged on about AI far too much to someone who explained reasonably up thread it's not for them to be honest.

I know peoole doing it/have done it and think it can be a wonderful thing, but I wouldn't berate a single person for not doing it to be allowed to feel a little sad! Heavens.

[myotherusernameisbetter]

What brought you to mumsnet OP?