Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

513 replies

HattyMonkey · 21/07/2014 22:48

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

OP posts:
bealos · 23/07/2014 14:20

The woman sounds like a mentalist. IGNORE!

You should not be embarrassed about periods and you can't help what your daughter says.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 23/07/2014 14:42

What does the word mentalist mean bealos ? I've heard it before but I've not been sure of its exact meaning.

EZGreen · 23/07/2014 14:56

Its really tricky...DS is 7 now and I only had to tell him about it all recently because I forgot to flush the toilet one time.I guess its a natural process but I managed to hide it somehow. No shame or anything, just that he doesnt like blood and I saw no reason to show him.I think the woman was more shocked than her son and was using him to tell you. I do find it quite shocking I must say, but each to her own. I cant imagine your child has been harmed...and I dont think hers was either.I think you'll have to put it down to experience and accept that we are all different. And I still take DS into the ladies(after the time that little boy got raped in McDs bogs actually.)

Twonewcats · 23/07/2014 15:42

I have a 3yr old DS and have managed to last without him having a clue what a period is. And he comes into the cubicle with me regularly.

I think there are millions of things that 3yr olds dont need to know about yet, but that doesnt mean they're "dirty" or something to be "ashamed" of.

Blood is more commonly associated with someone being hurt, so I dont feel that a 3yr old seeing this is particularly necessary.

And other DSs overhearing that the mum in the next cubicle has blood pouring out of her (when he has no idea what a period is) is also not awesome.
But presumably all of my post suggests I'm a prude or somehow not correctly bringing up my ds, as I am not being completely open with him about everything to do with the human body. Hmm

saintlyjimjams · 23/07/2014 15:52

Mentalist was used by Alan Partridge when he was kidnapped by his stalker. I think he introduced it to the UK (it is a funny episode).

I think Americans might use it to mean someone clever at remembering things.

I agree with whoever said if they're not ready it goes over their heads. I have explained facts of life to ds3 a few times (& bought him age appropriate books) - he refuses to believe any of it is true (and calls blood red wee - which is fine by me, I've explained it, he doesn't want to know). But with no locks & a severely autistic teenage brother who has no issues with nudity or privacy really most things are on show in this house.

OnlyLovers · 23/07/2014 16:21

And other DSs overhearing that the mum in the next cubicle has blood pouring out of her (when he has no idea what a period is) is also not awesome.

I really can't imagine that he could have understood or cared enough about the (short!) conversation for it to be shocking.

And no one said she had blood 'pouring' out of her! I imagine the DD said 'you have blood' in a very matter-of-fact way (if loudly Grin ).

And EZ, for the nth time, no one has talked about actively 'showing' children bloodied sanpro or the mechanics of changing it for the sake of it! The DD in this scenario saw a sanitary towel as a consequence of being in the cubicle with her mother using one.

I'm really fucked off about the implications of exhibitionism and performance parenting on this thread.

gordyslovesheep · 23/07/2014 16:40

maybe that would have been the perfect point for mum to say 'well DSs once a month mums do bleed - it's normal and nothing to worry about ...now who wants a sausage roll'

OP all 3 of my girls have walked in on me - all have seen blood or seen me mid tampon change - none was traumatised and guess what - all 3 will have periods - I think normalising it as a none event is pretty sane

I find period blood makes some women get in a bit of a twist - like it's some dirty secret - makes me wonder if they kissed their new borns or made then be bathed in bleach first Grin

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 23/07/2014 16:49

Thanks saintly. Alan Partridge completely passed me by.

PunkrockerGirl · 23/07/2014 17:54

If your 2 year old will try and batter the door down when you're in the loo, maybe it's time said 2 year old learnt the word 'no'.

OxfordBags · 23/07/2014 18:32

If someone thinks that merely learning no will stop some children, or that a small child will only try to open the loo door because they've not parented well enough, then maybe they need to learn more about toddlers. And manners.

Cockadoodledooo · 23/07/2014 19:34

I had to have a conversation with ds2 (4, starts school next term) yesterday about periods for the first time. We were in the loo at the doctors and mine had started unexpectedly, I needed to put a tampon in but didn't want him looking whilst I did it - happy for him to know what it is and why, but he really doesn't need to see the process!
He said it was ok, he'd seen my bum before, but I told him this was different and asked him to turn away. He did but still wanted to know why, so I explained. He wasn't traumatised. He listened, then said "Ok, can I have an ice cream now?"

I'm sure there'll be more questions eventually, but he seems satisfied for now. Can't remember at what age I told ds1, but he just rolled his eyes and said he knew all about it already (he was a voracious encyclopaedia reader from a young age!).

I don't think we do our children any favours really by hiding things from them, I think it's better things are 'out there' with them in an age appropriate way.

ipswichwitch · 23/07/2014 20:06

If your 2 year old will try and batter the door down when you're in the loo, maybe it's time said 2 year old learnt the word 'no'.
He knows and understands the word no perfectly well thank you very much Hmm
What he does have is separation anxiety and a real fear of being shut in/out. I have absolutely no problem telling him no umpteen times a day if necessary, but I'm not going to distress him unduly when I can simply leave the toilet door open so he knows he can come in. Especially not when I'm not bothered if he's in with me or not. When we have visitors/we're visiting others he's ok as he's not left alone.

Now can we stop with all the judgemental shit please, on both ends of the spectrum. Having your toddler in the toilet with you is not going to damage them any more than if you don't. You do what works for you don't you.

comediewithme · 23/07/2014 20:28

Phaedra, 'red wee' and 'mummies nappies' are my sons own 'nonsense' as you put it, terms.

When he barges in on me in the toilet I am not about to explain to a 4 year old that Mother menstruates every 28 days and sheds the lining of her womb.

"You are doing a red wee, mummy."
"Yes, darling."

Im also not about to lock the door to my 4 year old because in this family we are not ashamed of our bodies.

PhaedraIsMyName · 23/07/2014 20:59

comediewithme there are plenty posters on here including the OP who have said what is happening in simple terms to children that young. It is your choice but to me "red wee" is a bizarre explanation.

I see you couldn't resist getting a dig in about "being ashamed of our bodies;nice one.

Frankly "red wee" sounds exactly one might say, or leave him to think,if one did have an issue about menstruation.

PicardyThird · 23/07/2014 21:08

Phaedra, I know we disagreed further up, but I very much agree with you about 'red wee'/'mummy's nappies'.

Yy OnlyLovers to this: 'I'm really fucked off about the implications of exhibitionism and performance parenting on this thread'.

I have no idea where 'blood pouring out of her' came from. It's rhat sort of exaggeration of what was actually said/going on that implies those of us who have no problem with our children seeing evidence of our periods are somehow doing sometbing disturbing.

PicardyThird · 23/07/2014 21:13

comediewithme, genuine question - why not explain to a 4yo that you shed the lining of your womb every month? It's what I did with mine. It went something like this:

'Mama, why is there blood there?'
'It's called my period, darling.'
'What is a period?'
'Every month my body gets ready to perhaps start growing a baby by letting an egg out of something called my ovaries to my womb. The womb gets ready to grow the egg into a baby by making cushions for it to burrow into. If the egg doesn't turn into a baby this time, my womb gets rid of the cushions it won't need, and they come out as blood.'

It doesn't seem to have done either of my sons any harm.

Munn83 · 23/07/2014 21:23

How utterly ridiculous for someone to be offended by a conversation between a mother and child, which she was essentially eves dropping on. Having heard some of the profanities that come out of people's mouths, I even heard a mother refer to her 7 year old by saying 'c'mon b!' I have no idea what there was to be offended about in the first place. I would never lie to my son who's just turned 4, we talk openly about all sorts of things!

PhaedraIsMyName · 23/07/2014 21:27

Picardy I kept towels and tampons in a wicker basket in the bathroom as there was not enough room in the bathroom cabinet. I do recall these being turned into "teddy's nappies" when my son was around 3. I honestly can't remember what explanation I gave but it was no big deal he'd been playing with them, they were never hidden.

FidelineAndBombazine · 23/07/2014 21:32

Oh good we can rerun the tampon-basket thread Grin Smile

PhaedraIsMyName · 23/07/2014 21:35

Oh ffs what was that? My basket was small , with a lid, on the floor, not in the least bit hidden and very easy to open. Is that wrong?

FidelineAndBombazine · 23/07/2014 21:37

I kind of lost track of the many objections to my apparently minority tampon storing behaviour, but it was a classic Grin

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a2092633-AIBU-to-not-have-guest-sanitary-protection-in-bathroom

FidelineAndBombazine · 23/07/2014 21:39

(Disclaimer: it wasn't only tampon baskets that caused outrage. Apparently)

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 23/07/2014 21:51

Not the guest tampons again......

FidelineAndBombazine · 23/07/2014 21:53

Oh come on, who didn't love the guest tampons?

LittleBearPad · 23/07/2014 21:58

Phaedra you could lose days if you read that thread. It was bizarre.

Swipe left for the next trending thread