To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

[HattyMonkey]

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

[OnlyLovers]

Bailey, I wasn't defending the OP or challenging you – I knew you weren't referring to her. I was just referencing some of the silly things people have said. Sorry I wasn't clear!

[BaileyWhite]

Only

I wasn't referring to the OP but to some of the other posters. Apologies for not making that clear OP.

[OnlyLovers]

Bailey, I suspect the middle ground here is for those who are 'anti' the OP to stop using silly terms like 'waving your sanpro around' and 'showing your children used sanitary towels' and just accept that her child asked a short question, to which she gave a short, quiet, totally devoid of gory information answer.

She wasn't advocating 'sharing everything' with her DD. Some people took her point of view to mean that and ran with it, but that's not her problem.

[BaileyWhite]

Only on Mumsnet will you get the opinion that unless you share everything with your infants/older kids, they are bound to grow up repressed or damaged.

My son never saw me do anything like this. My husband never saw his Mother do this. I have yet to meet a more relaxed, sensitive and intelligent male around women's body functions than my husband. My son is the same. Over normalising can actually have a converse effect upon the way they relate to these things too.

Where's the middle ground here?

[HattyMonkey]

Wow, been away from MN for a couple of days and come back to this. Firstly I was neither waving any pads, tampons or God forbid sanpro in dd2's face. She wasn't in the cubicle with me as an attachment parenting display it is just that we do if we both need a wee. The conversation was seconds long and had no more than ten words, yes dd2 does have a loud toddler voice but I answered in a quiet voice using 2 words. I did not describe the whole menstrual process.

I don't believe there is a right or wrong way of dealing with ablutions in regard to children.I choose to do it my way and those that choose to teach privacy are as much in the right as I am. I do feel the thread took on a life of it's own in regards to choices and accusations of prudish parents and pad waving crazy folk.

Thank you though for giving me my first thread past 50 odd posts after nearly 5 year here.

[Igggi]

Millymae I was that woman recently when my ds asked me what was in the machine - only this machine was full of durex! Had no quick idea what to say, fudged it with some stuff about plasters and toothbrushes (as another machine we'd seen recently sold these). What should I have said? He's six, knows babies come from seeds and eggs but not how they meet up!

[nooka]

I read this thread mostly because 'Mummy you have blood' reminded me very vividly of my dd's comments at the same sort of age.

I'm not a very private person and don't tend to be too bothered about shutting doors etc. Had one adventurous child and one who liked to be very close so them squeezing into the same cubical as me when toddlerish was fairly normal. Funnily enough 10+ years later neither remember the occasional sight of menstrual blood at all.

[mathanxiety]

Did somebody say guest tampons??

[millymae]

I've come to this thread late and couldn't be bothered reading it all but I'll tell you something OP I wish you had been with the child whose mother wouldn't give him a straight answer when he asked what was in the sanitary towel machine whilst I and many others were standing in the toilet queue.

She gave a master class on what not to say and dug herself into an ever deepening hole. I much prefer your approach - I'm sure if your child had asked the same question the answer you would have given would have been far more sensible and truthful and would have saved me and everyone else who was waiting a whole lot of ear-ache.

[FidelineAndBombazine]

What do you mean her son shouldn't have been in the girls' toilet?

[leeann85]

No you didnt her son shouldnt of been in the girls toilet and one day he will learn about periods and babys stupid woman..

[Delphiniumsblue]

The main thing people are forgetting is that you have no control whatsoever over other people's conversations in public loos -or public places in general- much as you might like to!

[OxfordBags]

What a lot of people here are forgetting is that many parents use wraps, slings and baby carriers. When out and about with a kid (or even kids, plural) in one of those, you will need the loo, and yes, even need to change a pad or tampon. And you have to learn how to use the loo and deal with periods with a kid strapped to you. Although babywearing is actually a good way of ensuring that the child doesn't see anything, or much! Changing Sanpro with a toddler strapped to your back in a tiny public toilet is harder than many Olympic events

I've hardly ever used a pushchair. Ds has usually walked or been carried in a sling or carrier. I think it's important that children aren't kept out of certain areas of the normal flow (ho!ho!) of life. And I am an intensely private person. I just see no big deal about small children knowing about what bodies do. Children can learn about privacy and appropriateness perfectly well at the same time as knowing about bodies, etc., in fact, IMHO, it's the obvious way to do it.

[bragmatic]

Yes, ok.

The OP engaged in a perfectly normal personal activity, in a public bathroom while in the company of her child, which is also perfectly normal.

Bystander was being VU.

Case closed.

[SirChenjin]

Whatevs . No way I could have gone round the shops with a strapping toddler and baby at five foot and a bit without the double pushchair.

Anyway, back to the OP...

[bragmatic]

Well, this is dangerously close to a discussion about how old kids were when they ditched the pram.

Ain't nobody got the stomach for that shiz.

[SirChenjin]

As I said, my 2 year was in a pram. Much easier for getting around the shopping centre on the odd occasion I felt like venturing out with a 2 year old and baby. They were older when they were able to stay put for the minute it took me to change a towel, as I said in my previous post.

[bragmatic]

Well, there you have it. A toddler who does what it's told and stay where it's put.

A rarity in the wild.

I'm sure they're fine and I wasn't suggesting a kid wouldn't be. I've yet to meet a parent who (pants down and half way through changing a sanitary product) would have trusted their darling 2 year old to 'stay there and wait for mummy'.

[SirChenjin]

When mine were toddlers they were in buggies, so if I went to public toilets they stayed outside the cubicle in their pram. As they got older they stayed outside and put their foot under the door. What on earth was going to happen to them?

So - who would? I would.

They're OK btw - no lasting damage and well into their teens.

[bragmatic]

My kids didn't come to the loo with me when at home. If they'd made a fuss, then I'd not have had a problem with them coming in. Pick your battles...etc.

That said, I wasn't about to lock them out of public facilities when they were toddlers. I mean, who would?? So yes, they saw, they asked. And frankly, they forgot.

I've just explained it to them all over again, as they're now 8/9. Old enough to know, and old enough to have forgotten about asking about it in the first place.

[SirChenjin]

It is! Apparently one of my earlier posts was passive-aggressive - which was news to me

Outraged?? Really??? With children dying across the world, you choose to be outraged about my lack of mooncup mentioning??

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

I am now outraged that you didn't mention mooncups!

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

This thread is a masterclass in the passive aggressive post though isn't it.

I am learning a lot!

[SirChenjin]

I know you were

To be fair though, no-one accused anyone of being an incompetent parent, but there are been accusations of being ashamed of our periods, or feeling shame about our bodies, or of having children who will grow up misinformed if we lock the door and don't let our children see our used sanitary ware - which is both silly and unfounded.

But yes, I agree with you - as I said upthread a couple of times, I really couldn't give a fig whether or not you look the door or not, or whether you let your children see (or however you want to describe the process) your used towels/tampons

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

I was trying to make peace, but actually, I did find Punkergirls posts a bit off.

If your 2 year old will try and batter the door down when you're in the loo, maybe it's time said 2 year old learnt the word 'no'.
My two were always told no, they could not come into the bathroom with me. If they kicked up a fuss, they were told no again - try it, it works.

Still, it is just semantics. I don't care what you do with your kids in the loo, and I'm sure you don't care what I do with mine. Genuinely.

(And there's not a passive aggressive subtext here)