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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

513 replies

HattyMonkey · 21/07/2014 22:48

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

OP posts:
PunkrockerGirl · 22/07/2014 22:53

No worse than 'emotive' or 'shame', Picardy

I'm off to bed now. I will, however, resist the temptation to wake the family up to watch me pee.

Childish I know, but after reading this thread I am beyond caring. the family will just have to wait until tomorrow to watch me take a shit

almondcakes · 22/07/2014 22:53

Phaedra, my post was in response to thatitis saying parents should use a whispering voice. I have absolutely no idea what your reply to me is about or what it has to do with my post.

I don't care what people do or don't tell their own kids. The point is that I am not going to avoid talking about periods in front of the children of other people just in case their parents are control freaks.

pukkabo · 22/07/2014 23:03

I once put a whole tampon in it's packaging and everything inside my knickers and went to a birthday party like that. One of the mum's found it when she accompanied me to the loo (I was about three). My DB used to refer to DMs Tampax as mice (the string being the tail). Tampax were always sat just above the toilet in our house and since we always insisted on following DM to the toilet we sometimes witnessed her changing it. As a result periods were just a normal part of life, nothing to be squeamish about and when mine started it never phased me at all.

Now my DC also have the following to toilet habit they see me changing pads. They think it's poo, can't quite grasp the blood idea yet.

You're doing the right thing, not turning it into some massive shameful thing that has to be hidden away. The other mum was BU not you. Bravo for explaining it correctly too and not dumbing it down.

PhaedraIsMyName · 22/07/2014 23:03

almondcakes have I said in any of my posts that I didn't tell my son about periods? Or that I avoided talking periods?

PicardyThird · 22/07/2014 23:03

Night, Punkrocker.

PhaedraIsMyName · 22/07/2014 23:06

I don't understand what is embarrassing or shameful about having a period and your children noticing

Has anyone said that? I don't think so. I certainly didn't but plenty of you seem to twisting what I have said to make it fit that interpretation.

almondcakes · 22/07/2014 23:08

Phaedra, I have no idea. I don't know why you keep questioning me about your life and your posts.

comediewithme · 22/07/2014 23:17

OMG, my DS is 4 and he knows that sometimes mummy wears a nappy because shes doing a 'red wee'. We have told him its just nature and he has accepted that.

He is certainly not traumatised!

PhaedraIsMyName · 22/07/2014 23:29

Almond I quoted something you said about there being no need for this to be talked about in hushed tones. I quoted what you said as I didn't see anyone making that suggestion so why did you bother saying it?

Your first post specifically addressed to me literally makes no sense at all. I have no idea what you were trying to say. Nor for that matter what you're on about in your second.

almondcakes · 22/07/2014 23:34

As I have said, my post was in response to thatitis, who posted a few posts before me.

Not only did I respond to her but MathAnxiety copied what thatitis said and responded also.

Thatitis said words to the effect of people should not talk about periods in front of other people's children and a whispering voice was her preferred way.

None of what any of us said was in response to your posts.

theendoftheendoftheend · 23/07/2014 00:14

Some appear to be missing the fact that it was OP's DD that said anything relating to a period, poor OP only said "that's right". Now, hushed tones or shouted, 'that's right' is a pretty innocuous comment for any parent. Young children publicly vocalize embarrassingly loudly all kinds of embarrassing shit! Surely we've all been there?!

It's got nothing to do with people's choices for introducing their child/ren to toilet habits/normal bodily functions at what ever age they choose to do so. The woman was rude! If she was concerned about her DS overhearing OP and her DD's coversation, that's for her to deal with. It was in no way reasonable for her to 'confront' OP over a private exchange between her and her DD in a locked toilet cubicle!

Sapat · 23/07/2014 00:26

Re: my response, I think you did everything right OP, it is the other woman who seemed to be thinking her son should not know about it. Night everyone!

indigo18 · 23/07/2014 08:17

I think the woman was wrong to confront the OP; it was unlikely, if the exchange between the OP and her child was as described, that the son had deduced much at all.
However, I think it is up to individuals what and when they choose to educate their child on such matters. It needs to be sensitively done and take into account the individual child.
For most children, blood is seen when they are hurt and in pain, and blood in the quantities described by some posters on here would be frightening. I don't think describing it as 'red wee' is great either, nor saying mummy wears nappies.
There is nothing wrong with wishing to deal with bodily functions in private, it's what most adults do, most of the time. Many young children in nappies will seek out a private place to have a pooh.

OnlyLovers · 23/07/2014 09:41

'wave your tampons around in front of whoever you think appropriate.'

'feel the need to share the contents of your pants'

See, THAT is the attitude that's pissing people off on here. The assertion that someone who has to change their sanpro (yes, I'm using that word) is actively seeking to show it off to their toddler.

NO ONE has said that. People are talking only in terms of the occasions when it is necessary for them to have a toddler in the loo with them and there is changing of sanpro going on.

ipswichwitch · 23/07/2014 09:59

^'wave your tampons around in front of whoever you think appropriate.'

'feel the need to share the contents of your pants'

See, THAT is the attitude that's pissing people off on here. The assertion that someone who has to change their sanpro (yes, I'm using that word) is actively seeking to show it off to their toddler.

NO ONE has said that. People are talking only in terms of the occasions when it is necessary for them to have a toddler in the loo with them and there is changing of sanpro going on.^

This in a nutshell.
I don't "find it necessary" to "subject" my 2yo DS to my changing tampons/towels, but it's a reality in our house. He will attempt to batter the toilet door down if I shut it. I certainly couldn't leave him outside a toilet cubicle. He'd either get hysterical at the had dryer, or take off across the shop like Usain Bolt, leaving me to sprint after him with pants around my ankles. Believe me, that sight will make your child lose all innocence long before the mere mention of periods ever will.

I don't care really if you do/don't take your DC into the toilet with you. Not to do with me. But ffs stop with the judging and ridiculous comments about waving tampons in toddlers faces to those of us who do.

ipswichwitch · 23/07/2014 10:00

Bloody italics fail

crashbandicoot · 23/07/2014 10:03

sanpro seems a reasonable abbreviation for sanitary towels and/or tampons (when you are referring to either or both)

Cardriver · 23/07/2014 10:17

For most children, blood is seen when they are hurt and in pain

This was one of the reasons why I explained the blood in an age appropriate way to my DC as soon as they asked questions. I didn't want them to worry that I was hurt or that they would hurt when it happened to them.

RufusTheReindeer · 23/07/2014 10:18

What onlylover said

SirChenjin · 23/07/2014 10:56

If we're going to talk about ridiculous comments and judging can we balance that out with the fact that claims of going to extreme lengths to hide, and that it must be horrible to feel shame, and so on are also pissing people off?

Really - what does it matter? If you choose to let your DC see (or whatever term you want to use to describe that) or if you don't choose to let your DC see then it's all fine. Neither sets of DC will grow up traumatised or ashamed or scared or misinformed by other children or whatever other ridiculous claims have been made throughout this thread.

PhaedraIsMyName · 23/07/2014 13:13

I don't think describing it as 'red wee' is great either, nor saying mummy wears nappies

I thought both were ridiculous, misleading and twee ways to describe periods and explain what sanitary products are.

Igggi · 23/07/2014 13:29

Is there a good word that isn't "blood" though? (Planning ahead!)

babybarrister · 23/07/2014 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LizzieMint · 23/07/2014 13:37

Menses is the correct term igggi

PhaedraIsMyName · 23/07/2014 13:43

Iggi no there isn't a word which means blood but isn't blood. You will have to explain in a manner and at an age which is appropriate.

If you think you have to use terms like "red wee" and "mummies nappies" then possibly your child isn't at the age to know.

What that age is , is up to you, but it seems to me nonsense to use expressions like this. When do you explain that it's not "red wee"?