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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

513 replies

HattyMonkey · 21/07/2014 22:48

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

OP posts:

JohnFarleysRuskin · 22/07/2014 19:23

Noooo, people who don't aren't prudish. People who do aren't attachment parenting (necessarily!)

weeblueberry · 22/07/2014 19:25

*What do you mean hidden behind a door?

Is that an attempt to make 'doesn't take child in the cubicle with them' sound punitive ?*

Not at all. :) It's just the phrase that came to mind because they're completely hidden from view. I know I definitely wouldn't do that with DD who's 15 months and I'm not sure what else I could do with her? She'd be off in a flash if I left her behind the door...

RubyGoat · 22/07/2014 19:33

Igggi - snap. It was 3 months before I realised what was going on.

I will make sure DD understands what's likely to happen & doesn't think a) it's anything to be ashamed of, or b) that toilet roll is the only option.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 22/07/2014 19:37

There is a surprising lack of imagination here. Circumstances and location and the personalities involved will mean a range of ways to deal with questions about periods and using public toilet cubicles with young children are possible and equally valid. I have v heavy periods and often can't go out on the first day for reasons of pain and yucky stuff to manage. sometimes though I had to take three children aged 4 and under, out and had little option but to use the public loo and manage as well as I could.

I am pretty matter of fact about bodily functions and so are my children as they are like me. Getting to know my ocd mil and the nightmare she has functioning in the world with her phobias about dirt, toilet, body fluids and germs I am bloody glad about that! That is not saying that people who don't let their kids witness period related stuff are ocd... just that seeing my mil hang ups makes me appreciative of my ability to be laid back

Pagwatch · 22/07/2014 19:43

I think at 15months mine were probably in buggies and I rarely find loos have doors to the floor.
I also had DC that wouldn't run off.
So my circumstance are particular to me but, for me, it was really straightforward .

We all mostly do what feels natural don't we .

sr123 · 22/07/2014 19:43

If I use the toilet for whatever reason and I am out on my own with ds who is 7 then he has to come in with me as his severe sn means he cannot be left on his own. He's not interested in what I am doing though.

PhaedraIsMyName · 22/07/2014 19:47

We haven't any locks on the doors in our house so that situation is impossible to avoid

Well apart from asking/telling people not to barge in when you're in the toilet.

saintlyjimjams · 22/07/2014 19:48

Yeah I'm afraid my 15 year old comes in with me to the disabled loo if I'm out and about on my own with him - he's usually potentially too tasty to leave alone with my younger sons & I can't leave him alone. Good job I don't have any hang ups!

saintlyjimjams · 22/07/2014 19:53

My most embarrassing moment was when 3 year old ds2 asked why there was a man in the ladies, I said there wasn't, he said 'yes there is look it's a man' -pointing. It was a woman.

Omg give me other people's period questions to explain day.

SirChenjin · 22/07/2014 20:00

I have 3 kids - none of them have ever seen me change my pads or tampons. It's perfectly possible - and lo! They have emerged well balanced and well informed, unscathed by my preference to keep my periods my own business.

If you choose to show your DC your used towels, fine. If you don't, equally fine.

mathanxiety · 22/07/2014 20:02

I think the woman was right to complain. What you choose to show and tell your children is up to you, but other people also have the right to decide when and how to tell their children about these things. I would have used a whispering voice telling my child that I will explain later because it private and we are in a public toilet.

That imo is ridiculous.
The family that objects to the discussion of bodily functions is equally able to tell their small children that their questions will be answered in due time.

If a family intends to keep children from noticing bodily functions of others then it would probably be smart not to go to the loo when out and about, to make the children wear blinkers in order to avoid seeing women breastfeeding, couples kissing, etc...

And actually, if you read the OP, you will see that it was the small child making all the running in the conversation, probably speaking in a normal, small child tone. ['I replied quietly (I thought) 'that's right'']

Should the OP therefore have never mentioned periods or anything about babies at home, in private, for fear that the child would pipe up with a question or an observation that would offend someone while they were out?

You can't anticipate what a small child is going to come out with, in a good clear voice, when you are shopping or just living your life among other people.

OxfordBags · 22/07/2014 20:03

Way to be ridiculous and passive-aggressively suggest that people whose children have seen them using sanpro are actively desirous of showing them used towels, Chenjin.

ScarlettlovesRhett · 22/07/2014 20:03

I'm another who's never been in a situation when I had to change a tampon when the kids were old enough to ask questions.

By about 2 they would usually wait outside the cubicle with their foot under the door so I could see it, talking to me whilst I was in there. At home, or on the occasions when they were in the toilet with me whilst out, I always said when wiping up after wee/poo to "look away, you don't want to see Mummy's poo!" (not that I poo in public toilets - I can't! ).

I don't think this makes me a prude, I don't think my kids are damaged - similarly I don't think that parents who approach it all differently to me are damaging their kids either.

Idontseeanyicegiants · 22/07/2014 20:41

It's not a question of choosing to, I never particularly wanted to share any of my toilet habits with my kids, I'd rather shit in peace with a good book quite frankly but if they see it and ask the question it's pointless to fob them off.
Anyway the older DC's see my Sanitary Protection (just to soothe the Sanpro haters) when they pull the clean ones out of the washer. What do I tell them? It's a toy airplane ??

CheerfulYank · 22/07/2014 21:00

Wtaf are you on about? Sanpro is NOT an American term. I have never been out of the US except for day trips to Canada, twice.

I have never heard the word Sanpro anywhere but Mumsnet.

And please, think about "Chrimbo" or whatever it is before you try to slag off every word you don't like as "American".

OP yanbu. I don't change my tampons in front of my DC but don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Only1scoop · 22/07/2014 21:03

I've only ever heard sanpro on MN .... Hate the word....

Pagwatch · 22/07/2014 21:12

at the gorgeous cheerful yank losing her shit over sanpro being American ...

ScarlettlovesRhett · 22/07/2014 21:15

I've only heard sanpro on MN, too. I always think it sounds a bit 'jolly hockeysticks' (and that's the sort of accent I read it in, in my head!).

It's the sort of thing I imagine being used in an Enid Blyton boarding school book.

PunkrockerGirl · 22/07/2014 21:18

I managed to take my 2 Ds out and about all over the place without ever subjecting them to the sight of used sanitary protection (refuse to use the expression sanpro). They have gown up fully aware of female bodily functions.

Why on earth would you feel the need to share the contents of your pants with anyone, let alone a toddler. FFS show a bit of self respect and dignity and hopefully your children will follow suit.

mathanxiety · 22/07/2014 21:19

Sanpro is a trade term, a shorthand to avoid having to use 'sanitary protection' every single time and make form filling easier.

CarmineRose1978 · 22/07/2014 21:20

Idontsee, what kind of sanitary protection are you using that a) can go in a washer and b) looks like a toy aeroplane?

CheerfulYank · 22/07/2014 21:21

:o Pag

Is this my "I AM AMERICAN" moment ala SGM?

Only1scoop · 22/07/2014 21:21

Scarlett....

"Now have you packed your Lacrosse stick?....plenty of tucker in your tin....lashings of ginger beer oh and of course your sanpro being so jolly grown up and all"

Idontseeanyicegiants · 22/07/2014 21:22

There is a huge difference between waving a used towel or tampon under a child's nose and a child catching a glimpse of it while in a public toilet cubicle. The OP and many of us who agree with her have done the latter.
I would imagine we all have enough self respect, but also respect our children's intelligence and will answer questions asked as honestly as possible.

hiccupgirl · 22/07/2014 21:22

it's exact situation has happened to me just without the annoyed woman at the end and with my DS.

He's 4, he comes into the toilet with me when we're out and about because he normally needs to wee too. I don't put him outside the door because I want to know where he is. Therefore he regularly sees period type things and I have explained the blood in the same way. He also has a 'lovely' loud carrying voice that asks questions like 'why are you bleeding mummy?' If I tell him to turn around then there will be 'why?' over and over. Tbh I don't see the problem with him seeing...it's a normal part of life.

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