To smoke in the garden at a party?

[fber]

I lit up at a family bbq yesterday. Outside, big garden. The hostess (an inlaw) went a bit off her head and jumped from out of her own arse to right down my throat. Very publicly. There were children there, but they were playing a good way away. I have always done this at her parties, but now she has moved to a different, bigger house (it was a housewarming) it seems the goalposts have moved quite considerably. I was angry and upset at being shouted at like a kid. It's a party, right? A boozy housewarming (her words not mine).

Am I a social pariah?

AIBU?

smoking isn't socially accpetable in front of dcs

this thread is hilarious. Thanks, I needed a laugh.

You people really are very fortunate if all you have to get your knickers in a twist about is someone smoking where children can SEE it. I thought expecting guests to smoke at the bottom of a garden (behind the shed, under the rose bush, on top of the wheely bin) was intolerant enough.

But, to forbid it in case your DC should SEE it. I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life. I pity these poor children being brought up by such obviously intolerant parents as children learn by example.

I also hope you forbid your children to ever see a vehicle exhaust when the engine is switched on.

Poor kids.

Crazy parents.

'If you invite smokers to a party, and don't wish for them to smoke indoors or outdoors, where are they to go...?'

To hell in a handcart apparently.

I just hate people smoking near me non stop - even if out doors. Even outdoors, the smell can be overwhelming and carries - it makes me feel like heaving and. I can't help get pissed off at the smell. Brings back crap childhood memories of a chain smoking mother who put her smoking over everybody else's well being.

People getting their knickers in a knot over someone smoking in their garden?

Ridiculous weirdos.

^This^

So many over-reactions I've got an image of some harridan catching a glance of you smoking, dropping her plate of food, pushing people out of the way en route to you. All the while having a manic look in her eyes and screeching "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

All in slow motion.

Ridiculous.

I think if you are visiting non smokers you should assume that they will NEVER be happy about you practicing your disgusting habit on their property even if they make polite noises.

What a sweeping statement that us. I am a non smoker never have smoked but I don't mind it and I know others that don't either.

Don't assume what other non smokers do or don't tolerate.

I think I live on a different planet to MN at times

And there is nothing more annoying than a smokers smoke blowing away from them and into your face - boak!

On the rare occasions I have a smoker visiting, they tend to say "do you mind if I smoke?" Does being a smoker mean you lose your manners?

Hostess should have handled it better mind you.

Were you taking your clothes off and having a wank at the same time...?!

If not, of course YANBU! Yes, smoke is a bit grim but it's outside, a party, and you've been 'allowed' to smoke in their company before. Sounds a bit over the top to my

usual - do you really drop your ash in plant pots? In other people's gardens? I'd be radging if someone put ash in my plants that I've spent months, years etc caring for and bringing on! Some plants are really fucked up by cigs.

I smoke sometimes and I always just go outside the garden and into the street if it's an outdoor occasion. I will ask the host "Where can I have a cigarette and do you have a plastic bag that I can wrap the ends in?"

This is because I don't want them to have a stinky bin and I would never presume to smoke in someone else's garden. Never have honestly.

People usually say "Oh don't worry! Here's an ashtray, have a fag here!" but sometimes they are happier with me on the drive or whatever...and I respect that.

The right thing to do in that situation is to quietly go out of the front door and smoke in the street

So if 5 kids at the bbq could potentially be scarred for life by seeing someone....oh dear god....I just can't type the word....help me please....SMOKE..... (forgive me god for I have sinned mentioning THE unholy word)

and here you are, advocating smoking outside the front door...on a public street, where potentially 50 children could be emotionally scarred for life. How very very dare you! A bus could drive past, filled with kids coming back from the school trip to the zoo, and they see a smoker....at a front door...oh my god. I see the national helpline numbers for victims of the tragedy appearing on my tv screen right now. Please pray this doesn't happen. Ban smoking at front doors now ! Our children need us !

I think if you are visiting non smokers you should assume that they will NEVER be happy about you practicing your disgusting habit on their property even if they make polite noises

speak for yourself Mrs Intolerant 2014. Smoking doesn't disgust most people with a degree of tolerance for others.

CarryonDancing - Smoking is never polite. - yes, this. this is the bit that most smokers don't get. It used to be socially acceptable, but over the last 20 years, it's shifted and it is no longer a thing that polite people do.

Smoke in the front garden if you really can't cope for a few hours without smoking. Definately check with the home owner before smoking anywhere on their property.

it think it wasn't the cigarette that the bothered the OP's sister-in-law

it was the fact that it was the post "really-good-sex-with-massive-loud-orgasm" cigarette that bothered the poor dear

(and the other guests, their dc, the neighbours, passing traffic, planes flying overhead and people watching the sunset at Beachy Head)

If you've always allowed smoking at your parties it's a bit ridiculous to go from nothing to raaaaah raaaaaah raaaaaaah.

If you have changed your mind let people know. Innit.

I'm a non-smoker but if I had a party and knew full well my friends/relatives smoked, I would assume they would smoke and put appropriate ashtrays out in the garden. I would want to see my friends, and that means to me accommodating their needs. I might not smoke, but I wouldn't impose my beliefs on them.

I have a large family, most if which smoke. At large gatherings they always go outside, rain or shine to keep the smoke away from the kids. My ds is an outdoors boy, and yes, gets caught up in the smoke sometimes.

And although I can't say I'm ecstatic about it, a couple of hours in a large space with a whiff of smoke isn't going to kill him. It's their house.

Yep same as Harold. And I wish there was a like option, some of these posts are hilarious 'ash in the coleslaw' ha ha.

I would hate it if you lit up in my garden without asking.
It would have been nice to check first.

usual - what the fuck? you said 'We use a plant pot for an ashtray.'
In a thread about smoking in other people's gardens, it's not clear that you meant specifically your own.