To smoke in the garden at a party?

[fber]

I lit up at a family bbq yesterday. Outside, big garden. The hostess (an inlaw) went a bit off her head and jumped from out of her own arse to right down my throat. Very publicly. There were children there, but they were playing a good way away. I have always done this at her parties, but now she has moved to a different, bigger house (it was a housewarming) it seems the goalposts have moved quite considerably. I was angry and upset at being shouted at like a kid. It's a party, right? A boozy housewarming (her words not mine).

Am I a social pariah?

AIBU?

You need an empty mint tin for the butts

She prob thought you were going to stub underfoot and leave debris

I would have asked. Not lit up. Fwiw I read tge the daily mail and enjoy it. You can smoke in my garden til your lungs pop but its polite to ask.

New house 'n' all tha'.

She reads the DM?

Yes I asked her originally. Me and a friend of hers used to smoke in the corner like a couple of naughty schoolchildren.

You should have asked first.

Were you near the house?

Yes just outside - but no closer than I used to be at her old house - further away really.

Good manners to ask.

YWBU, I wouldn't want cigarette smoke blowing in my house.

If you were right at the bottom of the garden away from the house that would have been fine.

She shouldn't have humiliated you though.

YWBU. You should have asked.

Please tell me you at least waited until everyone had finished eating ? ( Yes the smell of smoke does travel, even outdoors).

It's possible from previous parties she's found cig butts left on the grass etc and she hot the hump.

Of course a bit OTT to come screeching at you, but I do understand new house new rules.

Wow. Maybe I'm far too laid back but outside, smoking. ...have people got nothing else to worry about? Unless there was a clear no smoking rule, why is it ok to victimise the smoker? A bit of stray smoke is ok and I'm not even a smoker.

Do these people refuse to walk past streets with car exhausts or bonfire/bbq?

If someone had spoken to me like that, rather than as an adult, I'd have gone & stood on the pavement 1cm from her front path & smoked there - maybe even taken a chair & drink from the garden...

I'd have been tempted to ask if she fancied a drag to help calm her nerves.

People getting their knickers in a knot over someone smoking in their garden?

Ridiculous weirdos.

Arf @ Ogg
Not great to smoke at all; it kills you! However, that's your choice. You were in the garden, not the house. She had allowed you to do so previously. She was being massively unreasonable to tell you off like a child. She's being ridiculous.

Disclaimer: lifelong non smoker who hates the smell....I may be being totally unreasonable!

Regardless of wether ywbu in not asking first or not she handled the situation terribly and should not have spoke to you like that..
A simple request for you to put the fag out would have been more than enough.

She's absolutely entitled to object to you smoking, and you should have asked first. It really is rude to blow smoke over the food and the other guests - they accept the risk and the pleasanter smell of barbecue smoke, but second hand tobacco smoke is just nasty.

However, there was absolutely no reason why she couldn't have asked you nicely to stop rather than making everyone uncomfortable by shouting.

I don't smoke but I always cadge a fag at a bbq/garden party.

A garden has no roof or walls. I'm not sure what the problem is?

Again a MN phenomenon - I've never known anyone complain about smoking outside in any party of any sort ever.

Am an ex smoker and I think the OP is NBU.
Where the hell can you smoke now if not outdoors?

Hmm, smoking in the garden when the party is going on inside is one thing, smoking in the garden when the party is in the garden is smoking at the party, so less acceptable to most people.

She shouldn't have shouted, but you should have asked or gone away from the party (to the front garden).

I would have thought most smokers would know that most parents who don't smoke don't want anyone smoking near their dcs. It's kind of understood that smoking isn't a socially acceptable thing to do in front of dcs anymore.

So where did you put your fag end?