To smoke in the garden at a party?

[fber]

I lit up at a family bbq yesterday. Outside, big garden. The hostess (an inlaw) went a bit off her head and jumped from out of her own arse to right down my throat. Very publicly. There were children there, but they were playing a good way away. I have always done this at her parties, but now she has moved to a different, bigger house (it was a housewarming) it seems the goalposts have moved quite considerably. I was angry and upset at being shouted at like a kid. It's a party, right? A boozy housewarming (her words not mine).

Am I a social pariah?

AIBU?

God, I've clearly missed a huge piece of social etiquette.

I smoke, and have done for years. When I was in my teens it was generally accepted when I was at friends' parents' houses that I would smoke outside which was fine. (unless they were cool parents who let us smoke inside!)

However I have never considered asking permission, either as a teenager, or an adult about whether it's ok to smoke outside during things like BBQs. I've always made an effort to stand away / clear of people who aren't my close friends and I know don't mind, or other smokers, so I'd have been gobsmacked to have been asked this!

Apart from the litter aspect (I'm fastidious with my dog-ends anyway, and always source a suitable place to stub out and bin them) it wouldn't have crossed my mind anyone would care!

I wonder how many hosts I've pissed off?

I think Mary has it! They have been a silent seething mass about it, got too drunk and let rip.

Mind some people don't need much of an excuse when they've had too much ale.

The hostess should not have jumped down your throat so violently / in front of everyone, she should have had a quiet word and politely asked you not to smoke if that was her wish.

As it is her house though, you should respect her wishes.

Yes I asked her originally. Me and a friend of hers used to smoke in the corner like a couple of naughty schoolchildren.

So you are aware that it's an unacceptable practice.

The social attitude towards smoking has changed considerably in recent years and is now strongly against it, particularly in front of children.

Your smoking will not have caused anyone there any harm, particularly amongst the barbeque smoke. But it is the example to the children that you should have considered, and at the very least asked first at this new house.

Having said that the hostess ought to have spoken much more discretely to you.

Is this for real?
Talk about over reactions.

Outside at a boozy bbq and people getting their knickers in such a god awful twist.

I hope it keeps fine for you

Yes, being exposed to someone else's cigarette smoke can cause ill-health. But we're talking considerable exposure here, not just a few odd whiffs of smoke coming in your direction over the course of an entire childhood.
I think that reactions to cigarette smoking have becoming quite ridiculous. I would have no problem with someone smoking in my garden, especially if it was a large one and they were not right by other people who might not like it.
I hope that those who feel so strongly about people smoking, outside, some distance from children, should consider whether they ever allow their children near a road, eg while in their parent's car. Diesel fumes are dangerous too.

If I had a friend / family member who got so uppity about someone smoking in their garden at a party, I wouldn't go quite frankly. The chances are, they would be a right royal PITA and uppity about many things.

That always makes me laugh as well.. those who get all lemon lipped about cigs are the ones who mostly likely run a car and poison their kids that way.

Then one pipes up you don't smoke a car.. well that's all right then

This thread is making me want to take up smoking and run amok puffing like a lunatic through all the pearl-clutching posters' gardens.

'Oh my God!! There's a cigarette - sheild Gracie and Oliver's eyes NOW darling!'

'Call 101!'

'Get the gas masks!'

I think you should have asked but her reaction was unreasonable.

She over reacted but I would be annoyed if I was relaxing at a barbecue and someone started smoking beside me. You should really have gone out the front to have your cigarette.
So she was rude and you were inconsiderate, in my view.

Complete overreaction on the part of the hostess (and several on here as well).

I am a smoker and if the host is a non-smoker I will usually go out the front and smoke where I can't be seen especially if there are children around. If there were other people smoking and the host says it's ok then that's different but I wouldn't light up without checking.

How did a cigarette spoil the food? Did they flick ash in the coleslaw?

Cigarette smoke stinks - smell your hair and clothes if you've been anywhere where people smoke indoors. I wouldn't want that over my food.

I didn't realise that smokers were so hated - it's quite incredible. I suppose it makes a change from the usual hatred spouted at fat people on MN.
There is no logic to this level of fear and disgust about a bit of 2nd hand cigarette smoke.
NB if you feel this way about cigarette smoke and live in Cornwall (or many other places) you are kidding yourselves. Ever heard of the dangers of Radon gas?

That always makes me laugh as well.. those who get all lemon lipped about cigs are the ones who mostly likely run a car and poison their kids that way.

Not that old argument. The fact that there are other sources of pollution doesn't excuse them being added to unnecessarily. Moreover, for most people, running a car at the very least makes their lives considerably easier. Smoking doesn't have any utility at all.

Ici, it does if they're addicted to smoking.

It would have bothered me as cigarette smoke makes me vomit currently.

So if a guest asked, it would be much better, unfortunately I would direct them to our front garden at this point. But our back garden isn't large.

Ahh so it's ok to poison yourself, your kids and anybody else walking next to the road because cars are convenient? Okie dokey then.

come on gamerchick, either you worry about toxins or you don't.

Judging about all the comments about etiquette upthread I don't buy all the 'health concerns' talk.

I think it is quite anti-social to smoke at an outdoor party unless you have asked first. I wouldn't be happy with my guests smoking, and my 2 sisters go for a walk round the block rather than smoking in the garden when at my house.

BUT, shouting at you in front of other people and not telling you the rules have changed seems a bit off.

It does if they're addicted to smoking.

But that takes us back to first causes, ihategeorgeosborne. What utility is there in getting addicted in the first place?

Fantastic name, BTW.

Ahh so it's ok to poison yourself, your kids and anybody else walking next to the road because cars are convenient? Okie dokey then.

Tell us, gamer, do you ever travel in motorised transport?