To smoke in the garden at a party?

[fber]

I lit up at a family bbq yesterday. Outside, big garden. The hostess (an inlaw) went a bit off her head and jumped from out of her own arse to right down my throat. Very publicly. There were children there, but they were playing a good way away. I have always done this at her parties, but now she has moved to a different, bigger house (it was a housewarming) it seems the goalposts have moved quite considerably. I was angry and upset at being shouted at like a kid. It's a party, right? A boozy housewarming (her words not mine).

Am I a social pariah?

AIBU?

Why the fuck do people invite smokers over then get furious if they smoke? OUTSIDE of all places.

'smoking isn't socially accpetable in front of dcs'

So children mustn't know that smoking or smokers exist?

But it's ok for all the adults to drink in front of children at this 'boozy' party?

People smoke. It's not illegal. It's extremely bad for them. But it's their body, their choice. Smoking away from others in a garden is not going to affect anyone other than the smoker.

I don't smoke (apart from about 10 every summer for some reason) but I actually feel sorry for smokers who, quite rightly, can't smoke indoors and are now being told they can't smoke outside with their friends.

Dutch - she's family, it was a family BBQ, they probably didn't get a choice.

For some, it's smoking where DCs can see it. They don't want to explain why Aunty fber is smoking.

Smoking isn't really acceptable at family gathering with children for most people now, rather like getting pissed on a night out is fine, but not in front of children in the afternoon.

A cigarette spoiled the food?

Did you bring your own ashtray a or were you just going to throw your fag end onto the ground ?

Come on.? How did a cigarette spoil the food? Did they flick ash in the coleslaw?

I would always ask. The main reason being that cigarette ends are litter and I wouldn't drop one in somebody's garden, I'd ask them where they wanted me to put it. I'd only expect to ask the first time I visited someone's house, though, but if they moved then that would count as the first time again.

Non smoker (now, although used to nick my friend's mum's menthols aged 12), but I cannot understand anyone getting their knickers in a twist about someone smoking outside, yep even in the same garden as children. If you were peering into the pram of a newborn breathing smoke into its face, maybe, but I assume you're not that antisocial.

I can't say it bothers me a jot if someone is smoking at a barbecue I'm attending.

When I smoked before we all had kids I would have just gone for it. If other people's kids had been there I would not have smoked where they could see me. I would expect the same for ds (all of us have stopped now)

Oh they were blowing the smoke in your face?

It wouldn't bother me at all especially as you were stood away from others. If she wanted you to move she could have asked, she shouldn't have screeched at you.

If she really wants to get her knickers in a twist she should come to my DB 'family' bbq. His delightful friends were stood smoking week next the bouncy castle where the kids were playing. I decided to leave at that point.

as others note, did you ask for an ashtray? Not to do so is unreasonable.

I hate stinky smoke as much as anyone, but if it is a big garden, you stand downwind, well away from the house (not just outside assuming the magic curtain) and you clear up the muck rather than just dropping it, then it is ok.

it's not health implications outside - it is that you smell.

Second hand smoke around people who are eating is gross and inconsiderate.

Her manner towards you was rude yes but I would have found you smoking ruder.

at the idea of victimising the smoker for asking them not to add second hand smoking to the entertainment. Good one!

Smoking is never polite. Smoke is carried by the air so can still be breathed in by the other guests. She might have been concerned about other guests, the smoke blowing into her house, you leaving cigarette ends in her garden if you've got form...

It doesn't matter but her reaction suggests you are usually inconsiderate with your habit.
Plus once you've smoked you smell disgusting to none smokers and third degree smoke is dangerous too.

You should have asked. If you asked at any of my family parties you would have been asked nicely to have smoked outside the garden. If you lit up both my mother and myself would have to get our inhalers. Doesn't matter if it's outside. I understand the hostess view but she should have dealt with it differently.

Seeing as she has asked in the past, was told it was ok and there has never been an issue then I really don't understand why she went so loco at you.

I would have said something first like you have always smoked but if you don't mind can you smoke x or x not in the garden.

Rude to shout at you. She could have talked to you about it first.

Forgot to add Yabu, next time ask...

Another universe

If you invite smokers to a party, and don't wish for them to smoke indoors or outdoors, where are they to go...?

She over reacted!