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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask DP to share the state of his finances with me?

110 replies

ParadoxicalCat · 20/07/2014 12:28

Basically we're starting to look at buying a house together and, while he knows exactly how much I've saved up, he won't tell me how much money he has.

Given that I am currently the one doing all the research on houses/mortgages etc, AIBU to want to know how much he has in savings so that I know how much we can reasonably afford between us?

OP posts:
BobPatandIgglePiggle · 20/07/2014 12:31

Are you 100% sure he wants to buy a house?

Fairylea · 20/07/2014 12:31

I couldn't buy a house with someone who didn't share everything with me.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 20/07/2014 12:32

Why's he being secretive about this?

Teeb · 20/07/2014 12:34

Whatever you do, protect yourself in this massive financial commitment. I'd choose to be tenants in common and ring fence my initial deposit if I were you.

Are you sure he actually has been making any savings? Does he really want to buy together?

DiaDuit · 20/07/2014 12:36

So that will be a halt on all plans to combine finances then OP? His choice. If he doesnt want to divulge his finances then he doesnt get the benefit of you combining yours with his. Logical consequences. Please see sense and stop all plans til this is properly sorted. You know his attitude isnt fair dont you? You know if you ho ahead you will be accepting his attitude and permitting him to continue with it.

Original poster
ParadoxicalCat · 20/07/2014 12:36

Oh trust me, this is going to be a complicated agreement between me, DP and our solicitor :) Many many clauses are going to be put in place because although he earns about twice what I do, I know I have more savings.

He did suggest that maybe we should buy two houses, one each and rent one of them out, but that sounds even sillier to me.

OP posts:
DorothyBastard · 20/07/2014 12:37

How are you planning to work the finances once you own a house together?

DiaDuit · 20/07/2014 12:40

OP there should be NO agreement unless you have full disclosure from him!

Original poster
ParadoxicalCat · 20/07/2014 12:41

Tenants in common, basically. We've been living together for ages and have managed ok with finances. We have applied for joint bank accounts but keep on getting rejected Hmm

We want to do this 50/50.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 20/07/2014 12:43

Tread carefully OP.

DiaDuit · 20/07/2014 12:44

You keep gettkng rejected. Have you checked his credit report?

Sounds like you need to be a lot more insistent on finding out what he is hiding before you go any further. Do not link yourself to him financally. And stop applying for joint accounts with him!

Teeb · 20/07/2014 12:45

He earns more than you yet you get rejected for joint accounts? Yep op, he has a murky financial history,. Either massive debts, gambling problem, whole other life. DO NOT HAVE ANY FINANCIAL TIES WITH THIS MAN!

LoveBeingInTheSun · 20/07/2014 12:45

Are you sure he has any savings?

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 20/07/2014 12:45

I still don't know how much money my DH has. I know he has at least xxxxx amount but not how much. It's like a running joke now.

BUT if I ever really asked him, he'd tell me.

What are his reasons for not wanting to tell you? What does he say when asked?

EmptyNestAgain · 20/07/2014 12:46

If you keep getting rejected, that would be a red flag for me. What's he hiding? Be very careful OP
Oh, and no, YANBU

ChelsyHandy · 20/07/2014 12:46

You can't possibly buy a house with him without knowing how much, jointly, you have to spend. My guess is that he doesn't have any savings and that you are his savings plan for the deposit. Meanwhile he will probably argue that if he therefore has to pay more than 50% of the mortgage, he should have more than 50% ownership. He sounds as if he is hiding something. Why would you be rejected for a joint account? You can order a credit check on him you know.

Lweji · 20/07/2014 12:47

I wouldn't invest with a person without knowing all about his credit rating at least.
As you are also cohabiting, I wouldn't buy a joint place without knowing how much they were going to invest in the house.

He doesn't have to tell you how much he has saved, but surely he should tell you how much he wants to put in the house.

hamptoncourt · 20/07/2014 12:48

I seriously would not buy a house with him if I were you.

Actually I don't think I would bother with him full stop.

rose202 · 20/07/2014 12:48

Look up your own credit report OP & make sure that you have no joint finances. If you are being rejected for joint accounts & the problem is not with you then its pretty obvious where the problem lies.

Think very carefully before sharing finances as he's hiding something!

FannyFifer · 20/07/2014 12:48

Why would you get refused from opening joint account? This is a straightforward thing to do.

There is something dodgy going on here.

LewisNaiceHamilton · 20/07/2014 12:49

I have an abysmal credit rating, but can still get a current account. His must be off the scale bad.

Original poster
ParadoxicalCat · 20/07/2014 12:50

We checked our credit history when we got rejected and as we'd just moved house we weren't registered to vote at that address, which gave us both a lower credit rating. When using Experian, they also don't seem to have all our bank accounts - they don't see my second current account or his main bank account.

I don't think he's a gambler and seeing as we live together and work together I'd be pretty impressed if he had a whole other life Grin

I think that growing up it has always been impressed upon him that money is a very private thing that you don't discuss.

OP posts:
mmmuffins · 20/07/2014 12:50

Red flag OP.

How can you share your lives but not discuss in full your finances? He sounds like he is being devious.

NatashaBee · 20/07/2014 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 20/07/2014 12:51

Ooh missed the bit about getting rejected for joint account.

Yes OP, tread very carefully. It has to be quite a hefty black mark to not be able to have a current account.

Has he ever been bankrupt?