to ask DP to share the state of his finances with me?

[ParadoxicalCat]

Basically we're starting to look at buying a house together and, while he knows exactly how much I've saved up, he won't tell me how much money he has.

Given that I am currently the one doing all the research on houses/mortgages etc, AIBU to want to know how much he has in savings so that I know how much we can reasonably afford between us?

And nothing scary on it?

Hopefully now he can get over himself and you can have an adult conversion!

As far as my untrained eye can see, there's nothing weird

Don't know why he was being such a big baby. The amount of consistent savings he had is surely impossible if you have debts or his debts are being very well managed. I guess anything else would come out in the wash at the mortgage advisors.

Well that's good! Some people think it makes them vulnerable (to greedy grabbers) if they open the door on their financial status. However as partners it is only right you both have that info to make informed decisions about your joint (or not) future. Make sure you both cover your asses should the worst happen (death or separation) so that neither will be feeling shafted or left paying the other's half of everything.

I intend on making sure that redundancy, illness, death and separation are all covered. Worth paying solicitors to make sure all angles are covered.

Yes absoloutely. Glad he's not the arse he was appearing to be. Still, protect yourself. Good luck with house buying!

Please don't just agree to be the sole bread winner when kids come along. You might find you want a couple of days with the kids yourself. The depth of feeling when babies actually arrive can be quite a surprise.

Don't worry, I'm sure that if and when DCs come along everything will be re-evaluated :)

When kids come along, the power balance in a relationship changes.

You'll be less powerful, he'll have more power.

Just bear that in mind.

Last September we got our accounts.

I wouldn't wait for dc to re evaluate. Even if you were married or going to be, treat the house purchase as an investment, which it is. No one can see into the future.

I was given this advice just before buying a house/ marriage with my v open dh. I ignored it ( marriage, debt free, openness) BIG mistake. And omg am I paying for that now.