To feel hopeless and sad that my 2 and a half year old DD has virtually been written off academically already

[OlderMummy1]

My DD is 2 and a half and has got speech delay. I referred her myself to speech therapy when she was 22 months old as I realised she was delayed when I filled in a developmental profile for her. Looking back I should have referred her earlier as she didn't make as many noises and babble as much as other babies. However, being my 1st I didn't realise how significant this was.

Speech therapy has been useful for giving me hints and tips on encouraging her to speak but we are only seen every 3-4 months. I have tried private speech therapy but she didn't seem as good as the NHS one to be honest.

On her 2nd birthday she was saying only 'mama' and 'dada'. Now at 2 and a half she has about 75 words (some very clear, some not so clear) and can use 2 word phrases 'mummy car' 'daddy gone' etc.

I was reading online last night to try and get some tips on how to start encouraging her to put 3 words together but all I seemed to come across was how children with speech delay are always behind academically which leads to many of them disliking education.

Being a former teacher this upsets me greatly and I feel as if I have completely let her down by not recognising she had a problem earlier. I think I have done everything right to encourage her to speak...as a baby I talked to her none stop, she watches little TV (certainly less than her normal speaking friends) and we have always gone to a baby group/class every day. Maybe I do something wrong that I just don't see.

A few months ago lots of people were pressurising me to get her into nursery as they said this would help her speech. I found her a lovely Montessori nursery but she only went 3 times. She absolutely hated it and cried all day. She went from being a very sociable, happy little girl to a very clingy one. Luckily, after 2 weeks of not going to nursery she was back to her old self and everyone comments how affectionate and confident she is. I did find a nanny to have my 2 children for just 1 morning a week (8am-1pm). She is lovely and comes into our home. My DD loves her and is very happy to stay with her while I go upstairs to get some housework etc. done or the Nanny takes the children to the park.

This leads me to believe that it was the nursery setting that upset my DD, possibly because she couldn't really communicate with anyone. Therefore, maybe it is inevitable that she will go on to have an unhappy school life and be unable to reach her potential academically. I hated school as I was painfully shy so I have done my best to make my DD as sociable as possibly. However, it seems I have condemned her to the same unhappy experience as I had.

I have set up a room as a learning space for her which contains all Montessori equipment, art/craft materials etc. I plan activities for my DD every day and we have a lot of fun. I am so scared of her leaving this place where she is happy, secure and safe and going off to a nursery where she is destined to fail all because of her speech. According to what I have read she will be behind in everything because she has speech delay. Someone even suggested the other day that I claim DLA for her. Has she really got a disability that will affect the rest of her life?

I was so stressed this morning that I frantically tried to get her to say some 3 word phrases. She tried her hardest but didn't do great. We both ended up in tears. I feel like the most dreadful mother in the world. Heaven help my newborn if I can't even help my 1st child to succeed.

I would be interested to see links to the studies that state this too.

Yes,speech delay can be linked to other developmental problems, but not always. The 'Einstein didn't talk until he was....' Thing usually annoys me because it is often peddled out as a balm when people have genuine concerns about their dcs. But it does sound as though you dd is doing ok, 75 words by 2 and a half isn't severe, and children start putting3 words together between 2 and 3, so there is still time for her to start doing this. Plus you have had intervention from speech and language early.

Are there any concerns about her understanding? Or any other developmental concerns? DLA is for children who have needs over and above the needs of normally developing children, many children have mild speech delay.

Wrt nursery, many children struggle at 2 and enjoy it more at 3, and many children need a longer settling in period, a good nursery/ preschool will help your child settle.

This is from a study done by the American Association for the Advancement of Science, with regards to speech development

About eighty per cent of those who are behind at the age of two are simply "late bloomers"

I've read your OP again. Try the nursery again when everything is a bit more relaxed.

My DD had 100 words at her 2nd birthday (I was keeping a list!), so only 6 months younger than your DD. Now at 2.10 she has verbal diarrhea.

Also, my brother had speech therapy as a toddler and is now a very successful solicitor.

Obviously anecdotes are not statistics but honestly, no one is writing off your DD. I'm not even sure why you think she's being written off or by whom?

She sounds like she's got loads of support in place and is very happy. Give her time.

Please remember that lots of kids don't like nursery. It's totally normal. Two of my kids spoke at home and were practically mute at nursery. Even at 5/6 my eldest sons classmates would come up to me and ask me why he couldn't speak.

I hope you get everything sorted soon. I understand it is stressful. There is such a huge diffence between kids at this age.

Crystal
Because it will help her develop confidence and make a huge diffetence
I have seen it first hand many times.
She may even be eligible for the 2 yr funding

Crystal - in our experience the NHS were great at addressing the first letter sound issues - tat / cat etc and even getting 3 word sentances.

But they did not have the resources and time to dig deep and address the underlying issues - for us it was particularly around descriptive language -

For example 6 months ago DS (7) would have looked at a picture and told you it was a house - you would have pulled out your hair getting him to tell you it was a house, with a garden and a chimney with smoke etc. He can do it now. The delays he had have affected his reading, because the words in the books and the way he would speak were not how the books were written.

DS1 has some SL delay. He only had 2 word sentences until he started preschool at just turned 3yrs. Then Bam! It all came at once and now he chats away just like the rest of his playmates. He didn't come out of his shell until nearly 3 though, its like he just wasn't ready til then. If I had put him in nursery at 2.5 he would have stuck to my legs miserably the whole time.

Now, although he is still catching up in terms of social skills and some language his little report card has him on the higher end of the scale in numerical, logical, technical, imagination etc. He's absolutely in line with his peers if not above them in some aspects.

Your DD is not doomed to academic failure. The language will come when its ready, and when it does, it will just explode.

Mine didn't talk until he was well into the 3s you don't need to pile on the pressure, she'll do it in her own time.

I don't think you mention (or I've got Sunday morning wake ups).. have you had her hearing checked?

When DD was born, DS was just over 2 and my parents came to look after him while I was in hospital. I had to write a list of his words/phrases with 'translations' for them, there were only about twenty and none of them were more than two words. In contrast, at the same age, DD was a fluent speaker talking in sentences and rarely stopping for breath.

They are now 26 and 24 and have had almost identical (very successful) academic records throughout their school/uni careers, but DD has always been a talker and DS hasn't.

They were both brought up in a similar way, with the obvious difference that DS was an only child till he was two, but one difference was that DD actually watched much more TV than DS, simply because DS was watching (I relaxed my TV rules to help keep DS occupied when I was feeding DD).

I think you are being too hard on yourself trying to find a 'reason' for your DD's silence, I really doubt it was anything to do with what you have done or not done. I would try to ignore 'helpful' comments from friends and be very wary of what you find online.

my eldest didn't say anything until she was 2.5 and no sentences until she was 3.
She's now in year 10 and predicted an A* for her GCSE's. She's hugely eloquent and has a massive and very sophisticated vocabulary.

You don't have to send her to nursery you know. If she's happy at home and you're happy teaching her then just keep doing what you're doing.

Dd was 2 years old and had never uttered a word. She would just point at what she wanted and if I encouraged her to say the word she would just turn her back and walk away.

I put her in nursery for 4 mornings per week which she didn't seem to mind but again didn't say a word. Then 6 weeks later I went to wake her for nursery. She was standing up in her cot.

"hello mummy is it time to get up for nursery, I do love going to nursery, I love playing with the sand box..."

It was as though she was storing it up until she could speak like an adult.

Ds didn't really speak anything that others could understand until he was 3 1/2 years, now he is a very sociable chatterbox.

I do think nursery helps as they are surrounded by people talking all of the time. Could you try another nursery and stay around for a little while until she settles.

It is a bit like df who went to work in a German speaking company in Germany not knowing a single word of German. As she said for 6 months she never said a word then suddenly it all started clicking into place and now she is fluent in German.

I'm not saying there's no problem at all, and I'm glad you're seeing someone your DD likes.

Still, here in the Netherlands the milestones they look for at this age are:

1. About 50% of speech is understandable to strangers
2. Little one knows 50 - 75 single words
3. Is using some two word sentences
4. Can understand what their family says to them and simple instructions. "Here's your cup, have a sip."

Not sure how it is in the UK, but to me it sounds like your daughter has the points under control, is that right?

No need for nursery if it's stressful. Just lots of chit chat between the two of you is ample at this age. Coaching in anything at 2.5 will leave you both wrung out, you poor things!

My son barely said anything understandable until he was at least 5. He was in special needs classes in yr 1 and 2 for literacy. He's not 2 years into a 5 year doctoral programme. i think he's doing OK.

Now, not not.

In your post you sound very anxious. If you are anxious around your DD (and they can pick up on SUCH subtle body language- which I suppose makes sense evolutionarily) she will be getting the message that, for some reason, the world is not safe. Hence being beside herself when you left her in a new environment.

Unfortunately I think you might be narrowing her horizons because of your anxiety on her behalf. Is it her who is happiest in your Montessori playroom or you?

Are you ok in yourself? You mention a newborn- I believe heightened anxiety can go along with PND? If you recognise that you are having some emotional over-reactions maybe a trip to the GP would be in order?

Seriously, 2.5 is SO YOUNG.

And I know it's hard, but you need to stop stressing about it, your DD will pick up on it. Really, you have totally got everything right except for the patient waiting.

DS started nursery at 3 with 'severe speech delay', and has achieved pretty well despite it. (On the comedy EYFS tick-box sheets )
And he gets on well with the other kids, who don't seem to care that they can't understand him. And he loves it.

I think whoever suggested the DLA clearly has no idea of what DLA is, what it's for and how hard it is to get; and are under the impression you just swan up to the benefits people with some spurious complaint and get money thrown at you. A Daily Mail reader made a similar suggestion to me.

I have only skimmed the rest of the replies, but since you are already home educating her, couldn't you just continue into school age? Either until you feel as though her receptive and expressive language have gotten to the point where she could cope with full time school, or as long as you both would enjoy it!

All of my boys have had a speech delay, the best bit of advice I can give you is relax..our speech therapist told us to encourage not correct but repeat their sentences back correctly.Ds 2 is now working above school levels and is reading brilliantly,he was a early reader,had no problem with sounds .
Remember the child you have at 2.2 is not the child you will have at 4 they mature and her speech will develop and in my case even though my boys speech was not always clear I always understood and you will too.
Both my older boys speak fluently and clearly and ds3 starts reception in Sept and I have no doubts that he will also become fluent.Good luck

I was beside myself with worry about my DS. He has had speech therapy intervention at various points since before he was 2.

At nearly 5 he is still behind where he should be in terms of speech. His problem is now classed as a speech disorder rather than a speech delay (basically because his mistakes are not simply those of a younger child, IYSWIM, they are very unusual). He is also the youngest in his year - end of August birthday so you can imagine how scared I was about him starting school!

However he got a great report and his teachers adore him. He had a few issues in the beginning particularly with behaviour as he is immature compared to some of the others (this may be due to the fact they are nearly a whole year older!).

He is actually roughly where he should be though in terms of phonics, which amazed me. Also he's showing real potential in maths, it's definitely his strong point! Speech hasn't held him back at all in that department.

Worrying is practically the first line of the parents' job description but please try and relax about this.

You sound really worried and I know what that feels like as I was in a similar position this time last year.

DS2 is now 3.5 but when he was 2.5 he wasn't saying anything really...let alone the 75 words your daughter is saying.

He saw a ST and she said be patient with him and give him time...he understands everything so he will speak eventually.

I have to say I didn't believe her but fast forward 6 months and by christmas he had started saying words then small sentences and a year on he honestly doesn't stop talking from the second he opens his eyes to the second he goes to bed.

We have just got his first ever nursery report (he goes to a nursery attached to an infant school) and it says he is a very articulate, talkative little boy. Thats something I never thought Id hear a year ago.

Honestly I wish I could show you a video I made of him in the summer last year...he is desperately trying to say a word (I have no idea what though) and the rest is complete babble. I did it to show the ST.

I made a video of him yesterday...he said "Mummy me would like to sing a song for you. Please put Let it go on You Tube...Me get your phone for you and then you record me and we show daddy? Come on Mummy get on with it". Yes he still says Me rather than I but I don't care!

Honestly please try not to worry...you are doing everything you can for her. I honestly believe some children can't/won't speak until they know exactly what they are doing.

I would get some input from speech therapist but don't catastrophise and write off your DD at this age.

Hanen books are great for getting ideas to help stimulate speech.

I wouldn't go the other way and think its all OK as Einstein was late talker or a few people here had late talkers who were gifted.

Many people here also had late talkers who were not. You cant know how it is so just give her the input.

Plus academic achievement is not the be all and end all of life.

I mean this kindly. I know people mean the Einstein thing kindly too but IMO it is not helpful. He was one of a kind.

There only appears to be one person writing your daughter off.

I completely agree with fanjo - 2.5 is the exact age that professional help (if needed) can make a massive difference.

We have struggled and struggled with DS (and paid a small fortune) - if I had read this thread 5 years ago I may have left it, with the expectation that he would just talk one day - in all honesty it never would have done.

There are some great success stories here, but none of them are your DD and you have know way of predicting if she will suddenly start talking or not.

Please try not to worry. You have not done anything wrong! With regards to putting three words together if she has a vocab of 75ish words I would say she is doing very well putting two words together. Usually a child needs a vocab of about 100 words before putting words together.

Modelling three word sentences at this.point is good for example when.she says bus you say yes a red bus.

Just keep doing what you at doing.