To feel hopeless and sad that my 2 and a half year old DD has virtually been written off academically already

[OlderMummy1]

My DD is 2 and a half and has got speech delay. I referred her myself to speech therapy when she was 22 months old as I realised she was delayed when I filled in a developmental profile for her. Looking back I should have referred her earlier as she didn't make as many noises and babble as much as other babies. However, being my 1st I didn't realise how significant this was.

Speech therapy has been useful for giving me hints and tips on encouraging her to speak but we are only seen every 3-4 months. I have tried private speech therapy but she didn't seem as good as the NHS one to be honest.

On her 2nd birthday she was saying only 'mama' and 'dada'. Now at 2 and a half she has about 75 words (some very clear, some not so clear) and can use 2 word phrases 'mummy car' 'daddy gone' etc.

I was reading online last night to try and get some tips on how to start encouraging her to put 3 words together but all I seemed to come across was how children with speech delay are always behind academically which leads to many of them disliking education.

Being a former teacher this upsets me greatly and I feel as if I have completely let her down by not recognising she had a problem earlier. I think I have done everything right to encourage her to speak...as a baby I talked to her none stop, she watches little TV (certainly less than her normal speaking friends) and we have always gone to a baby group/class every day. Maybe I do something wrong that I just don't see.

A few months ago lots of people were pressurising me to get her into nursery as they said this would help her speech. I found her a lovely Montessori nursery but she only went 3 times. She absolutely hated it and cried all day. She went from being a very sociable, happy little girl to a very clingy one. Luckily, after 2 weeks of not going to nursery she was back to her old self and everyone comments how affectionate and confident she is. I did find a nanny to have my 2 children for just 1 morning a week (8am-1pm). She is lovely and comes into our home. My DD loves her and is very happy to stay with her while I go upstairs to get some housework etc. done or the Nanny takes the children to the park.

This leads me to believe that it was the nursery setting that upset my DD, possibly because she couldn't really communicate with anyone. Therefore, maybe it is inevitable that she will go on to have an unhappy school life and be unable to reach her potential academically. I hated school as I was painfully shy so I have done my best to make my DD as sociable as possibly. However, it seems I have condemned her to the same unhappy experience as I had.

I have set up a room as a learning space for her which contains all Montessori equipment, art/craft materials etc. I plan activities for my DD every day and we have a lot of fun. I am so scared of her leaving this place where she is happy, secure and safe and going off to a nursery where she is destined to fail all because of her speech. According to what I have read she will be behind in everything because she has speech delay. Someone even suggested the other day that I claim DLA for her. Has she really got a disability that will affect the rest of her life?

I was so stressed this morning that I frantically tried to get her to say some 3 word phrases. She tried her hardest but didn't do great. We both ended up in tears. I feel like the most dreadful mother in the world. Heaven help my newborn if I can't even help my 1st child to succeed.

Fair enough.

I just know how it is to worry about your childs development and thats why I am suggesting she gets professional assessment to reassure her.

As none of us can know.

Didn't mean to upset anyone.

Aww, don't think like that op.

Here's my dd1's little story. Very similar to yours, dd's speed delayed. Very few words. Was being shoved from pillar to post by the Aussie health care system wrt her speech. We moved back to the Uk in October. We immediately accessed a speech therapist through a children's centre for her to say, nothing really going on, just to correct her.

Cue to now...she.will.not.shut.up

She calls herself a chatterbox. Oh, and she's just got het preschool report which was glowing with positivity and she scored above average :)

Chin up x

I didn't speak til age 3 and even then only vowel sounds, as soon as I started school I couldn't be shut up and still haven't shut up now. I have a degree fri

.... From a good university and am generally considered a bit of a brainbox. Obviously not so good with a keyboard though!

A word of encouragement, my dd2 didn't babble and by the time she started nursery school at 3 her only word was ba (which meant no). She had some support from speech therapy and we began using makaton signing with her. When she started school we were lucky enough to get her a place with a dsp for speech and language therapy. Since reception she has had speech therapy sessions several times a week and a lot of support in class. She is now leaving year 1 academically ahead of her age and is being discharged from the dsp. She still has some issues with her speech but considering where she was just a few years ago it's like a different child.
Speech delay really doesn't have to mean problems academically. I do recommend investigating if there is a school with specific speech and language provision and see if your child can get a place there. Sometimes there are specific nurseries with provision as well. Ask the speech and language therapists.

No upset here Fanjo, I agree with you about getting professional input, and have definitely been there too with the worry

hazeyjane, that's a lovely post.

Fanjov v good points, and v valuable to hear from someone whose child didn't just come good.

OP, I also had children late after ivf/miscarriages/etc etc and completely understand the sense of unbelievable good fortune that our children are actually here at all, combined with the very real sense that this incredibly precious child is a complete miracle who will be taken away at any moment.

Over the past few years that sense has lessened and I am less manic anxious, you do sound like an amazing mum to your very young dd (and are you pg again? if so congrats), if she does need support then you are doing wonderful things with her, but you try to relax a bit and have confidence that you are a good mother, doing a great job. Just keep a sensible eye on her.

I totally see why people tell the reassuring stories too.

And I hope OP's DD is another of the stories.

There arn't.

I attended formal speech therapy with my son at 2.
They did very little with him. They took me in hand. I was like you.

My job, as it turned out, was to

-echo and model good speech

• to never ever try and make him say words! EVER!
• to read, chat, laugh, sing and make talking the loveliest thing in the world

My son didn't really speak until he was three. We were told he had a language disorder and would never cope at a normal school.

Well, he is 13 now, and has just won an academic scholarship to an excellent school.

Don't give up, but please don't stress your dd and yourself out. Do have her hearing tested, and if she is prone to ear infections, insist that she has a two week course of a 'proper' antibiotic. This, I am sure, is what made the difference for my ds: he had ear infections every few months as regularly as clockwork. He was generally refused antibiotics or given children's amoxcyllin (sp?) by our doctor. When we changed GP, I explained the situation and ds was given a long course of something stronger. He has never looked back. Although he had had hearing tests and passed them previously, I think this was a fluke (we had taken him when he was well).

My dd has virtually been written off

OlderMummy, read through your OP again. You do realise that it's you who is doing the writing off here, don't you?

I also wouldn't assume OP is constantly this worried and has anxiety disorder.

I know with things like this you have momenta if hugely stressing and it read to me like OP had posted in one of these.

Op I hope you are OK

op your daughter sounds gorgeous and perfect. Youre already doing everything a SALT would do, and the only issue here is your anxiety.

im all for early intervention, but i think the issue here is your anxiety.

However Speech therapy never did anyone any harm, so just sont panix and try to enjoy her xx

I agree with Fanjo tbh.

Of course the very very strong likelihood is that this wrinkle will sort itself out. But it is worth discussing the 'what if' because to ignore it, to pretend that everyone gets the kid who ends up at Oxford just makes one feel worse about worrying and feel more guilty if there isn't the happiest of endings.

Children like mine, who don't suddenly bloom and eventually need help are still happy children with futures. I don't really like the idea that my child is the outcome so unspeakable it cannot be mentioned.

Fortunately the advice is the same whether the child will bloom or struggle with language for some time to come - keep the pressure off and keep engaging in a positive, happy and natural way.

Aargh * moments of.

I need typing therapy.

Ok stop and take a deep breath, you will project your stress onto your child and unintentionally make things worse. I understand where you are coming from but please don't ever let her hear you say that she is academically behind, it will hamper her confidence.

My ds is statemened with global development delay, he couldn't walk until he was 2.5 & talk till 3yrs. It is not the end for your dd, she has barely started her communication journey.

I supported my ds's speech by using picture timetables which helped him understand the concept of now & next. His understand was good but the speech wasn't there so I gave him a set of picture cards for him to point to what he wanted. That built his confidence as the pressure for him to talk was off, he could learn at his own pace & learn language organically. I worked with my SALT practitioner on this & using makaton.

His speech is now very advanced for a 5 year old and his understanding is ahead of his peers so please dont write off your dd.

www.makaton.org/

As others have said it may be one indicator of academic success, but certainly isn't the only one.
Along with everyone else I can think of many people who have had success from not speaking-the child who didn't speak a word until they were 3.6yo, ands then did languages at Oxford, the non speaking 5yo who now is a doctor, the law student whose first words were a full sentence at 4yo...
And I can think of the converse-a child who was full sentences at 15 months and, despite parents spending a lot of time and money on trying to help, only just got 5 GCSEs A-C.

And as for the "not realising she wasn't babbling", dd1 and dd2 didn't babble much. Ds babbled loads, real conversation type babbling. Who was the slowest speaker? Ds.

At 2yo I couldn't leave dd2 with anyone. At 3yo she skipped into preschool without a backwards glance.

Don't beat yourself up and blame yourself. All children develop differently.

And the child who had speech therepy at 2yo because she said nothing, and my dd, who was full sentences at 18 months-at 4yo you wouldn't have been able to tell which had been which as their speech was equally good.

My dd is the same age and similar with her speech as your dd. To be honest I wasn't in the least worried until reading this thread. She has been referred to SALT and starts next month. The HV said it is likely to be a one off appointment, so I am not expecting much. DD was very delayed in all aspects of development, but is doing well now - was discharged from all services a few months ago. I am determined not to get myself all worried again by this current referral. I am just enjoying every minute with my gorgeous girl, doing everything suggested to me, and taking it a day at a time.

All of this:
*They aren't. My job, as it turned out, was to

-echo and model good speech

• to never ever try and make him say words! EVER!
• to read, chat, laugh, sing and make talking the loveliest thing in the world*

No one is writing her off, you've just tumbled down a rabbit hole of panic. My DS was speech delayed and his understanding was limited. It was awful listening to friends' children rattling off multiple sentences and their parents talking to them in full sentences when I was massively simplifying and enunciating exaggeratedly to get any sort of communication. His speech was in the normal range by the time he started school and he finished YR exceeding expectations, including on speaking and listening. His reading and maths are already at expected level for the end of Y1. He is 5 and he beats me at chess FFS. There are some children who continue to need support but others just fly when they are ready.

There are lots of reasons for speech disorders, some are associated with other problems, some are associated with reading problems, other just are. I spent years agonising over how to give my speech delayed child the best chance. I read that children with speech problems have problems learning to read with phonics so was all ready to teach ds to read by learning words. He started school and flew ahead academically so I'd worried needlessly. Now, in hindsight, I realise he has a posterior tongue tie and this has quite likely been the source of his problems.
I would speak with a speech therapist who can give you tips on how to encourage talking. Speech therapy should be play-based and age-appropriate (speaking from experience rather than qualifications).
There is lots of good information online. Google 'Caroline Bowen' - she's an Australian speech therapist who provides lots of useful information and resources.
Most importantly, you have to relax about it and not put pressure on your daughter. Expose her to lots of sounds, we found an improvement just letting ds watch TV. Play story and song CDs, and just talk lots yourself.

My sister had a number of developmental problems when she was younger, mainly surrp

It sounds like you're doing a great job already (probably better than many schools!). She sounds lovely - I love that she is making little houses and giving the ladybird a bath :) just try to relax and keep doing what you're doing.

Oh and dewee is right about the way they change. DD was a clingy little thing at 2. At 3y4m it was like she suddenly grew wings. I enrolled her into a lovely, tiny preschool a month later and she loved it from day 1. Just because your DD wasn't ready for one particular nursery in the past, doesn't mean she's destined to hate it forever. She is still very little. Don't write off nursery/preschool for her when she's older. Both my 2 absolutely loved it.

My son had a speech delay that wasn't resolved until he was around 6/7 (through speech therapy). He is 14 now and predicted 11 x A/A* at GCSE, is particulary good at literacy based subjects and hopes to study law.