To provide a handy one-word guide to EVERY MN thread

[Haffdonga]

Mumsnet Answers to Everything (for those who don't RTFT)

• Is he having an affair? YES LTB
• Bounty Reps BAD
• Is my MIL toxic? YES - GO NC
• My dog growled LTB
• Fruitshoots BAD
• Breastmilk GOOD
• Rehoming a dog BAD
• Periods? MOONCUP
• Is my SIL toxic? YES –GO NC
• Ham? NAICE
• Co-sleeping GOOD
• Is this a line? YES
• What should I do? LTB
• Child-free weddings? BAD
• Poems asking for wedding money? BAD
• He said I was fat. LTB
• He is fat. LTB
• Wrongly sized bra. BAD
• TXTSPK BD
• Nasty boss? LTB
• OW. BAD
• Kittens GOOD

Please contribute so we can create a cut out n' keep guide.

Gay people: LOVELY
Transvestites: ANTI FEMINIST
Lesbians: OH YES I LOVE JACK MONROE

Mn arse kissing/waving/sucking up - ROYALTY!

Anyone who considers having a child free wedding- King Herod.

Fed up of my kids routine, the monotony, can't wait to have a night off.
Been invited to a childfree wedding BASTARDS.

But wait, guys! Wait!! There's still loads of stuff you don't KNOW the answer to! There's um... Mum Jeans: OK or not? WHO KNOWS! And, errr, what to offer at your swinging party: Pom Bears or penis beakers? WHO CAN SAY??? And um, desperate, when is Gin o' Clock? Eh? We just don't have all the answers yet! Guys?........

Guys?

All good points there Iona !

Gin o'clock for any OP is any time of day, whilst other parents have a spoonful of sherry trifle they are obviously irresponsible parents who aren't capable of looking after their DC!

School gate attire: spend 3 hours getting ready so you look like you just slung something on

Husband: My wife doesn't want to have sex with me ever

Response: Leave her alone you sex pest, you should be making her feel special.

Wife: My husband doesn't want to have sex with me

Response: He's having an affair

Netmums: let's merge with netmums.marvellous they got that obe.no hard feelings

Discuss BAD
Discusting VERY BAD

See attached - mum uniform apparently

accessorised with
www.modcloth.com/shop/scarves/save-my-spots-scarf

Ahh the mum uniform is beautiful

I need a puschair: BUGABOO
I need a puschair costing under £150 - DON'T HAVE KIDS IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD THEM
What bottles are best for my baby - BOOBS
AIBU about MIL? NO
AIBU about DIL? YES
AIBU about child? YES, SEN
AIBU about child without SEN? YES, HIDDEN SEN
AIBU about child with SEN? NO, THEY NEED TO LEARN

The beautiful hypocrisy of AIBU in a nutshell ;)

Should I join the PTA? - They are all bitches.
Should I go to NCT groups? - They are all bitches.
Should I volunteer to help in school? - They are all nosy bitches.
I think other women can be bitches - You are wrong. Never trust a woman who doesn't like other women, she only wants to shag the men.

Come on, people, what about child with pierced ears?

Andrewofogg surely that's what SS are for?

No, call 101.

Sorry, my mistake!

Living on Benefits? - Entitled to buy takeaways and Sky. Why shouldn't I enjoy myself?
PTA - Narcissist Bitches. Avoid.
Private Schools:- How dare you give your child an unfair advantage? Your DC should suffer in a state school just like the rest of us.
Badly behaved children- they have SN/hidden SN
Co sleeping - of course you should ignore medical advice not to do it.
Voting Tory - How dare you. You should be shot.
Current financial situation in UK- it has nothing to do with last Labour government.
Shoplifting - ah bless they might be desperate.
And my absolute favourite...
SAHM = prostitute

Asking for toast for toddler at lunchtime: v. bad.

Controlled crying - call NSPCC and SS NOW
Formula feeding - just as good as breast milk.
Bugaboo - more money than sense.
Jeremy Kyle - oh it's exploitation TV (types while watching it)
ITV - luffs the adverts on t'telly
Big TVs - luffs them. My goat likes it too.

Another favourite
MN Royalty - no such thing apparently. And then the usual MMers aka the very (non existent) royalty weigh in telling you to fuck off...

Can I use disabled toilet even if I'm a bit disabled? No full stop.