To provide a handy one-word guide to EVERY MN thread

[Haffdonga]

Mumsnet Answers to Everything (for those who don't RTFT)

• Is he having an affair? YES LTB
• Bounty Reps BAD
• Is my MIL toxic? YES - GO NC
• My dog growled LTB
• Fruitshoots BAD
• Breastmilk GOOD
• Rehoming a dog BAD
• Periods? MOONCUP
• Is my SIL toxic? YES –GO NC
• Ham? NAICE
• Co-sleeping GOOD
• Is this a line? YES
• What should I do? LTB
• Child-free weddings? BAD
• Poems asking for wedding money? BAD
• He said I was fat. LTB
• He is fat. LTB
• Wrongly sized bra. BAD
• TXTSPK BD
• Nasty boss? LTB
• OW. BAD
• Kittens GOOD

Please contribute so we can create a cut out n' keep guide.

What do your kids take for lunch: hummus, rice cake, ethically sourced sushi, bottle of angels' tears.

Dp has female friends:red flag!stop him seeing any female as he needs to respek his woman
Neighbour smoking in own garden:call police
Mil said gravy was lumpy: ban her seeing weans,demand dp cease all contact immediately

Carrot sticks. No lunch box is complete without them.

Bunting - cunt.

Is he having a bad day? EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Stepmom? CHILD ABUSE
Discipline child? ABUSE!
Don't agree with someone else's parenting? CALL CPS!

:)

Someone comments on your child's lunch box contents - LUNCH BOX POLICE

Someone else's child has chocolate spread white bread sandwiches and Barney Bears - CALL SOCIAL SERVICES.

My husband's OW just attacked me with a flamethrower: Why are you so angry with her? Your anger should be directed at your husband. She's entitled to do as she wants.

Bread - EVIL

Met a lovely new man RED FLAG
He treats me really well RED FLAG
He said he loves me after 2 months RED FLAG!!!
The kids adore him THEY'VE MET HIM ALREADY???? WORTHLESS MOTHER
At the restaurant last night the waitress wasn't looking what she was doing and tipped scalding soup into his lap. He didn't leave her a tip. OMG RUDE TO WAITING STAFF BIGGEST RED FLAG EVERRRRRRR

Aibu? no! awww fanks.youse great andto all affirmative answers.happy if agreed with
Aibu? yes youre a drunk cow bag.everyone hates you.unhappy if disagreed with

No children - WHY ON MN?

Unmarried female cohabitant: he lacks commitment,give him marriage ultimatum
Dp on a night out,not home 22:00:lock him out,chuck out his suits

I called my DH a cunt for breathing loudly and now he is leaving me. HE MUST HAVE ANOTHER WOMAN.

Everything else - REPORT HIM/HER/IT/THEM.

Thread containging quite obviously nasty stuff......

Warning - Potential Trigger

No shit?

Dicky plumbing - PigletJohn

DH getting pissed on a night out - why are you still with him? Any redeeming features?
DW getting pissed on a night out - have fun! You deserve it.

Dh didn't put the bins out -LTB
DH regularly visits his elderly mother -mummy's boy LTB
Dh never visits his elderly mother - lacks empathy LTB
Dh expresses an opinion contrary to yours -do you have ANYTHING in common? LTB

Elderly man comments on how cute your dc is -pedophile
Elderly man talks to your dc - call the police, demand armed response.

Mnetter misspells paedophile -call grammar police

Any food not obtained from Iceland's freezer cabinet-Middle class.

My baby won't settle - Sling
My baby feeds all night - Cosleep
What do you put in lunch boxes - humus
I have to walk 5 miles a day with my two year old, should I get a buggy - No
Should I take a gift to a wedding - No

Cereal: SHIT IN A BOX
Cornichons: BREAKFAST
Fruit juice: CRACK
Squash: DILUTING JUICE

Breastfeeding: NATURAL
Formula feeding: DO NOT JUDGE DO NOT JUDGE

Dicky plumbing - PigletJohn

I think that PigletJohn should publish the MN book of how to deal with plumbing problems. (Actual plumbing, not lady plumbing)

Asda COMMON
Tesco EVIL
Sainburys WANNABE MC
waitrose MC
Iceland SCUM
Aldi/Lidl 50/50 COMMON/MC