To provide a handy one-word guide to EVERY MN thread

[Haffdonga]

Mumsnet Answers to Everything (for those who don't RTFT)

• Is he having an affair? YES LTB
• Bounty Reps BAD
• Is my MIL toxic? YES - GO NC
• My dog growled LTB
• Fruitshoots BAD
• Breastmilk GOOD
• Rehoming a dog BAD
• Periods? MOONCUP
• Is my SIL toxic? YES –GO NC
• Ham? NAICE
• Co-sleeping GOOD
• Is this a line? YES
• What should I do? LTB
• Child-free weddings? BAD
• Poems asking for wedding money? BAD
• He said I was fat. LTB
• He is fat. LTB
• Wrongly sized bra. BAD
• TXTSPK BD
• Nasty boss? LTB
• OW. BAD
• Kittens GOOD

Please contribute so we can create a cut out n' keep guide.

[CaptChaos]

work in Asda: must be a thick cunt with no life experience or education.
Repeat for all retail ad nauseam.

No, I don't work in retail (anymore)

[Icimoi]

WIBU to complain about neighbours' smoking outside our windows? YABU, it's perfectly legal.

WIBU to let my dc make a noise outside by way of retaliation? YABU, you inconsiderate cow.

WIBU to ask neighbour's children to play more quietly or play somewhere else? YABU, it's perfectly legal

[appealtakingovermylife]

YABU- Get told
YABVU-Get very told
YABVVU-Get very very told
YANBU-I agree, but still get told
#there should be a sitting on the fence option too, SOTF#or if posh
#sitting on one's fence, SOOF#

[IntellectualLlama]

Baby crying: SLING
Baby not sleeping:CO-SLEEP
Sleep training:BRAIN DAMAGE

[PersilOrAriel]

What should I buy in Lidl/Aldi? EVERYTHING

[phantomnamechanger]

wedding invite poem - BRIDEZILLA
expensive gift list - BRIDEZILLA
child free wedding - BRIDEZILLA
colour 'rules' for guests - BRIDEZILLA
you 'saved the date' but we have decided not to invite you after all -BRIDEZILLA
please decorate my venue but don't come to the do - GLUEZILLA

[MrsDumbledore]

Gina ford -wash your mouth out!
Attachment parenting / baby wearing / blw/ Co sleeping -the only possible way to raise your child if you care about them at all

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

DH doesn't clean: Lazy fucker, LTB.

DH cleans: He's doing it wrong, LTB.

DH cleans and cooks better than you: Controlling fucker, LTB.

MIL: Insane hellbeast

SIL: Picky namestealing hellbeast

BIL: Gropey hellbeast

DIL: Unworthy of him

Son in law: Unworthy of her

Cousins: Banjo plucking inbreds/snooty DM readers.

Is he that bad? He's MUCH worse than you think, run like fuck.

[MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom]

Baby names special...


Jayden: CHAV
Ermintrude: GREAT
Millie: NO
Millicent: BETTER
Noah: POPULAR
Nature names: HIPPY
Names even our great great grandparents would've laughed at: NAICE
Names with more than one 'y' - WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN
Welsh names on English babies - WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN
Welsh names on Welsh babies - WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE POOR ENGLISH
"I want a modern name for my DD, something new and current': GLADYS
"What sibling goes with these: Morgan, Lexi, Cory and Tia": CLEMENTINE
"What name goes with these: Caiomhe, Aoife and Ruaridh": CLEMENTINE
"What name goes with these: Sam, Matt and Josh": CLEMENTINE
"What name goes with these: Perdita, Leopold, Barnaby and Beatrice": BRAD

[StealthPolarBear]

" Add message | Report | Message poster trufflesnout Sat 19-Jul-14 00:28:50
Daily Mail - EVIL BUT HERE CLICK THIS LINK"

:o

[Delphiniumsblue]

It should go in classics.
A huge shortcut to anyone new- it tells you anything you need to know about MN!

[backbystealth]

My neighbour entered their garden and SPOKE after 9pm CALL 101
My neighbour's dog looked at me CALL 101
My neighbour's dustbin is encroaching on my drive CALL 101
My neighbour rang on my doorbell before 8am CALL 101
My neighbour had a party for their dd's 18th CALL 101

NB DON'T WHATEVER YOU DO ACTUALLY SPEAK TO YOUR NEIGHBOURS TO CLEAR UP ANY ISSUES BEFORE GETTING THE POLICE INVOLVED.

[MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom]

Cats: AMAZING
Dogs: SCUM
Neighbours: FREAKS
Teenage mums: IRRESPONSIBLE
Older mums: FABULOSO
Blogging: SELF-CENTERED
Posting all about your life on a forum: FINE
Having a helium balloon for a child's birthday: WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE MRI SCANNERS


Adding to the 'CALL 101' instructions:

I live next door to students: CALL 101
The students are perfectly kind and responsible: CALL 101 JUST IN CASE
My neighbour was watering his flowers yesterday and a droplet accidentally landed in my garden: CALL 101
My neighbour walked past my house: CALL 101
There's a spider in my house: CALL 101
There's a spider in my house, look at this picture: OMFG CALL THE ARMY

[Somewhereinthecountry]

Fed up with MN. TWITTER.

Would of. IT'S HAVE YOU THICKO

Teenager playing up KICK THEM OUT

[BOFster]

"TXT SPK- BD"

I see what you did there

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

Just a quick tidy will do: FILTHY MARE.

I like everything shiny: DID EMILY DAVISON DIE FOR NOTHING?

[BOFster]

There's a man in a flasher mac at the local park- "It's a free country"

DC's grandad tries to kiss them goodbye- "Trust your instincts, NC"

[BOFster]

Same threads, different day:

There's a man in a flasher mac at the local park- "Trust your instincts, call 101"

DC's grandad tries to kiss them goodbye- "It's a free country, how sad, YABU"

[BOFster]

I enjoy a glass of wine while my DC play in the garden with rusty farm equipment- "Benign Neglect"

My neighbour drinks wine and lets her DC play in the garden with rusty farm equipment- "Call SS"

[MrsCakesPremonition]

(lighthearted) - Fuck off.

[scottishmummy]

Not getting your mn arse kissed enough:mn gorn to the dogs.
Don't recognise any mn names:mn not like auld days
Haven't made outfit for school play:get busy with bubble wrap,make a rocket
Picnic: naice ham
Tumultuous life event: haircut,or spa day

[Waltermittythesequel]

See neighbours kids watching TV - SOCIAL SERVICES

See neighbours kids eating anything other than carrot sticks or broccoli on a stick - SOCIAL SERVICES

See neighbours kids in character clothing - SOCIAL SERVICES

Getting buggy on a bus - FOLD INTO A 2x2 SQUARE OR WALK THE SIXTEEN MILES YOU LAZY COW

[Anarchy99]

I have asked MNHQ to move this to Classics as it had made me roar with laughter!

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

Disagree with me-goady fucker
I disagree with you-you are STILL a goady fucker.