about the breastfeeding cafe in Cheltenham?

[NotNewButNameChanged]

Sorry if someone has already done this but I haven't spotted it if so.

I live in Cheltenham and there is a café proudly displaying a sign saying:

"Breastfeeding mums. Pop in and have a free cup of tea if you need a pit stop. No need to eat, no need to ask - please relax "

I am very torn about this. On the one hand, it's great to be supportive of breastfeeding and we know it is illegal to discriminate against breastfeeding mums. But on the other, it's basically discriminating against mums who either can't breastfeed or choose not to. Somehow makes me feel that it's saying breastfeeding mothers are more important and deserving than other mothers.

Am I being unreasonable in being torn?

I think this is a wonderful thing.

As someone mentioned up thread, breastfeeding makes you very thirsty, and you have to sit down comfortably to manage it. especially if you have giant boobs like me

I used ff at times too and often fed ds in his buggy if I couldn't find a patch to cuddle. Couldn't do that with boob.
They aren't excluding or discriminating against formula feeders, they are just offering support and a safe environment to breastfeed.

When ds was first born I would get so panicky about not being able to find somewhere suitable to feed. I would have been so happy to find that cafe sign.

It's one small cafe, making a nice gesture. I don't think they can right all the world's ills.

More generally, I really sympathise with ff mums, some of the stories here are unbelievable:
I have been:
Told to give up my seat for someone who wants to feed their child properly
Told to leave a mother and baby group because they didnt agree with my choice
Been told I am poisoning my child
Told I am not a fit mother
Told I am disgusting

TakeMeUp, that's appalling.

It's gob smacking quite frankly and not the norm surely? ?

Good lord. OP you really need to think more about what discrimination actually looks like.

You can't say that discrimination against formula feeders doesn't exist, when many mums on here feel that they need to justify formula feeding by explaining the health or latch issues, because there is a definite attitude in parts of Mumsnet and many other forums, that breastfeeding mums are better than formula feeders.

I wouldn't go to the cafe, because I wouldn't feel comfortable bottle-feeding there if they're so vocal about their preference for breastfeeding mums. And actually, I've been made to feel bad for bottle-feeding. We get tutting, and sighing, and people shooting looks our way too.

Acceptance and support of breastfeeding should absolutely be there, but not at the expense of acceptance and support for formula feeders too. We exist, we still care about our babies and love them every bit as much as you love yours.

I think some people just walk around waiting to be offended.

I think the sign is a nice gesture (ff mine). I am shocked that mums who ff get hassle off some bfing mums, can't people just mind their own business.

Fantastic idea!

They can take our Banksy, but they can't take our BFing!*

I don't know, honestly. I've been the recipient of comments when I've been bfing in public and when I've been feeding from a bottle in public. Ironically it was expressed breast milk, but I got a right earful from some woman, who then had a proper cat's bum face when I asked her if that "poison" comment applied to the expressed breast milk that was in the bottle... just goes to show that you shouldn't assume that just because someone is feeding with a bottle that it's formula anyway.

I don't see why those who are ffing have to take it as an insult. Women are too quick to tear each other down over their choices. You don't see men getting into arguments about how their child is fed, do you? So sad that women get so riled up about this.

Oh wow..... Your post has left me almost speechless. More perceived 'discrimination'. Are you serious? Really? Totally agree with Happy. Some businesses just can't get it right can they.....damned if they do, damned if they don't.
Go and find something more worthwhile to stew about

YABU in being remotely 'torn' about this, what a nice gesture
I agree with NuttellaLawson, they're hardly inconveniencing FFers. I've done both, it's not the same.

Alice I haven't taken it as an insult but yet another inference that ff is somehow sub standard feeding

Why? wheresthelight

So basically breastfeeders should not be supported, even though many find it hard - not everyone can do it but EVERYONE can FF, because it might upset that great big resentful chip on YOUR shoulder wheresthelight.
Well you know what, tough. Try being a bit more considerate to others.

You are incredibly rude bambamb

There are approved signs to be displayed for places that welcome bf, it does not require this. All mothers feeding babies should be welcomed.

Bf mums are not some precious group who deserve to be treated like some sort of royalty and pandered to (neither should ff). They are feeding a child, it is not some novel prize winning task that requires additional attention

Having breastfed and formula fed 4 children in Cheltenham... I am delighted to see this sign.

It's purely offering support and somewhere nice to go instead of the dark, cramped room in Mothercare in the Regent Arcade!

I went off feeding my babies in cafés because of people's tutting, despite being super discreet.

Just knowing that the cafe/restaurant owners were welcoming breast feeding would've meant so much.

Like someone says earlier 'Damned if you do, damned if you don't!'

Please don't ruin something actually really quite lovely!

Do you know what? I am just sick to death of almost feeling like I have to apologise for the fact that I'm breastfeeding incase it upsets someone who isn't and getting a tirade launched at me about the reasons why they're not as if I remotely care. I should be able to feel proud of what I'm doing without an assumption being made that I'm judging those who are doing something different. Just because you might be a judgey person, dont tar us all with your dirty brush.

And if that sounds rude so sue me. This is years of hacked off ness coming out in one go.

www.breastfeedingsupporters.org.uk/out-about/

It's part of a joint initiative between the Gloucester Breastfeeding Support Network and the NHS. They have a (growing) list of local places.

I work with one of the GBSN organisers and can't tell you how proud she is of this.

I can't believe there are people (women) who would take this amiss. Unbelievably childish / selfish to think there is anything wrong with it!

Bf mums are not some precious group who deserve to be treated like some sort of royalty and pandered to (neither should ff). They are feeding a child, it is not some novel prize winning task that requires additional attention
Please tell me this is a piss-take?

Bambamb Funnily enough, that's how many formula feeders feel. We're sick of doing the best for our children, only to be told that it's not-quite-good-enough by health professionals and fellow mums.

Op I live in cheltenham too, I think it's a lovely gesture. Let's face it when you're breast feeding, you have to get your boobs out! Much nicer to be somewhere that is supportive. And yes it's thirsty work

No its not a piss take.

Why should bf be paraded about like people who do it are some sort of diety to be worshipped? They are feeding their baby - there is nothing spectacular about it.

Exactly moomin

We are all feeding out babies. There is nothing special about either way. It's normal and natural process and does not require such focus.

It may seem like bitterness, or jealousy, or the professionally offended, but the thing is it seems that whatever way you feed a child, you're told you're doing wrong these days. There's always someone to criticize you, but the people who criticise formula feeders are backed up by the NHS, the health visitors, the midwives, the professionals. There's very little support for formula feeding - not from a practical POV, because as you all say, 'anyone can do it' (one of the benefits in my eyes ), but dealing with the guilt and the pressure from health professionals.

It stings when you're constantly seen as not good enough - especially when it comes to something so vitally important for your child, that you've tried so hard to do and not been able to.