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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about the breastfeeding cafe in Cheltenham?

349 replies

NotNewButNameChanged · 17/07/2014 11:41

Sorry if someone has already done this but I haven't spotted it if so.

I live in Cheltenham and there is a café proudly displaying a sign saying:

"Breastfeeding mums. Pop in and have a free cup of tea if you need a pit stop. No need to eat, no need to ask - please relax Smile"

I am very torn about this. On the one hand, it's great to be supportive of breastfeeding and we know it is illegal to discriminate against breastfeeding mums. But on the other, it's basically discriminating against mums who either can't breastfeed or choose not to. Somehow makes me feel that it's saying breastfeeding mothers are more important and deserving than other mothers.

Am I being unreasonable in being torn?

OP posts:
runes · 17/07/2014 20:36

Wheresthelight How can I put this, [this isn't about you]! Or any other ff mother, it is about bfing mothers. People who get all offended about things that don't affect them do my head inHmm

PhaedraIsMyName · 17/07/2014 20:37

I did bf , hated it but that sign would have positively put me off going in.

Nomama · 17/07/2014 20:41

So get off your FFing arse and set a support network up and running. Then you too can ask local cafes if they would show you some support.

Cos that is how this came about. Some BFing mums got off their arses and stopped complaining and started doing something. Now they get something back from their work and what do they get on here? ... waaaaaaah waaaaaaaaah what about me?

Ye gods!

Panzee · 17/07/2014 20:43

I didn't BF and it wasn't by choice. I'm fine now but at the time that sign would have really upset me. My logical self would have recognised that it is a nice gesture, but I would still have been upset.

PhaedraIsMyName · 17/07/2014 20:49

Why not say 'feeding babies is supported here, please ask for anything you need. Perhaps if you are breastfeeding that's a top up via a free cuppa!

Tobysmum that's nice.

Bambam you are extremely rude.

dannyboyle · 17/07/2014 20:52

Ok. Sorry if this offends people but I find this very uncomfortable. I was one who tried to breastfed but failed (despite professional help) and ended up expressing exclusively for 6 months for each of my children. I fully support breast feeding, like I support any persons decision on how to feed their child. I also live in Cheltenham and know this establishment.

To many people see feeding as black or white when there is a massive middle ground. I never got the support of the beast feeding network or indeed people in general and felt very sidelined in how I approached feeding my child. I did the very best I could expressing and feeding via bottle, often expressing in some not nice places. I also got very thirsty, however I was not classed as a breast feeding mother. I may be in the minority however I find this initiative and sign uncomfortable and at the time would have been upset that I wasn't getting that same support. Others need support as well and this really needs to be recognised (and in reality it isn't and it upsets me)!

ForalltheSaints · 17/07/2014 21:02

I'm supportive given the low breastfeeding rates and somewhere to make up for all the negativity about breastfeeding elsewhere.

PhaedraIsMyName · 17/07/2014 21:04

I am shocked that mums who ff get hassle off some bfing mums, can't people just mind their own business

I didn't get hassle from other mothers mainly as I only knew one other mother and didn't attend mother and baby groups. My hv and the feeding counsellor were utterly vile however.

The wording suggested by Tobysmum is much more inclusive.

wheresthelight · 17/07/2014 21:05

bambamb you are ridiculously rude and quite frankly your posts are deliberately missing the point.

Bf doesn't need to be shoved up on some glittering pedestal for all to see. Ffs it's a method of feeding a baby. Signs like this and people like you deliberately make a distinction that anyone who doesn't bf is some how a lesser person.

SquattingNeville · 17/07/2014 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBogQueen · 17/07/2014 21:24

I think someone just thought it would be a nice thing to do.

I do 't think it's really appropriate fir people to hop and down squealing discrimination. How much does this impact any of you?

Leave poor cafe owner alone FGS

zeezeek · 17/07/2014 21:25

ICanSeeTheSun - I quite agree. All this sign would do for me (and almost everyone I know) is send us to another cafe.

I have two children - both formula fed because I chose to because I didn't, and still don't, like the idea of breastfeeding. It just makes me feel eugh. But everyone can make their own decision.

I also don't want to sit and have a coffee that I will have paid for and chat, read, whatever, in the vicinity of women feeding babies.

So, in one way it is good that this cafe has made their intentions and preferences clear - that way those of us who don't want to be around babies can bugger off somewhere else!!

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 21:43

YANBU, I think that's horrible. And the opposite sign would have had this thread running to 40 pages of indignation.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 17/07/2014 21:57

On a sort-of same topic, something I've wondered when feeding DD in cafes - is it illegal to discriminate against bottle-feeding mums? A cafe owner could legally ask them to stop feeding their baby, couldn't they? Unlikely to happen, I'm guessing, unless they're anti-formula, but could they do it?

Happy36 · 17/07/2014 22:01

I can see the original posters' point and seeing that sign would rankle with me too. It could say, "parents" instead of specifically "breastfeeding mums".

Am I cynical if I say the caf has put up the sign to detract those who object to seeing breastfeeding in this environment?

Bambamb · 17/07/2014 22:18

Signs like this and people like you deliberately make a distinction that anyone who doesn't bf is some how a lesser person.

I have very deliberately made no judgement on anyone who FF's and you know what? I knew you'd come back with a comment like this. If you feel like a lesser person thats entirely in your own head, nothing to do with me. It is HARDER to BF in public than FF. You have to get your boobs out, latch the baby on, risk milk squirting the person next to you. And most people around you will not be used to seeing it because most people FF. Why would you resent helping out someone who's trying to do this? Selfish selfish selfish.

Bambamb · 17/07/2014 22:25

I think some FF's just love to feel like they're persecuted. Your the one who wants 'special treatment' clearly. Even though you already have the easier job when it comes to feeding out and about, you still resent the BF's getting any extra help because poor you might miss out. Some sections of society need more help than others, deal with it. Stop playing the victim.

FanFuckingTastic · 17/07/2014 22:26

There is so much devision with feeding and how you go about it.

Supporting breastfeeding isn't excluding bottle feeding or judging it to be bad, it just needs the extra support because there are a lot of difficulties and very little uptake on it.

The support is there to allow choice, not to subvert those who choose differently, to stop us losing the ability to breastfeed. It's not always particularly easy, and help establishing it is quite often necessary. Yes it would be nice to see some similar help for those using formula, I don't disagree, that is something that could be developed on, I disagree with any sort of negativity towards formula from professionals, there should be equal support.

Both types of feeding receive negative opinions from small minded people, please don't let the few speak for the many, I hope people being treated negatively in groups or by professionals/health care workers complain as it just isn't on.

I do see signs about bottle warming and free food for babies, this sign is the same, but for breast feeders. I do agree they should be more inclusive and remind people about the facilities for bottle feeding also, but the sign itself is not discriminatory.

I'd write it: we welcome mums and babies, facilities provided for all. Bottle warming, free baby food with your meal, and a free drink for breastfeeding mothers.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 22:26

Don't you sound a charmer, bambamb.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 22:29

But why should breastfeeding mothers get a free drink? You're not a superior species to the rest of us!

I'd like to know how exactly they work that out to start with. Breastfeeding is so discreet for most women! And what about feeding expressed milk?

SquattingNeville · 17/07/2014 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bambamb · 17/07/2014 22:34

Funny I was thinking the same about where

massagegirl · 17/07/2014 22:35

I saw this and thought it was great. Bf makes you thirsty, I thought the cafe were being kind. I combination feed my baby and would have looked at this sign as a 'babies welcome' just a nice touch to give a free cuppa to fb mums who's bodies are producing milk, which makes them thirsty. It's not attacking anyone who doesn't breast feed. It's similar to the signs 'breast feeding welcome here' I didn't feel comfortable getting my boobs out everywhere so whether fb or ff I would have chosen this cafe over a Starbucks type affair.

runes · 17/07/2014 22:35

I think bambamb is spot on. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FF. IT IS ABOUT SUPPORTING BFING MOTHERS WHO GET RATHER THIRSTY AS IT HAPPENS. FFS I hate shouty posts but my god sometimes it is necessary.

SantanaLopez · 17/07/2014 22:37

Of course it has something to do with formula feeding!

If two mothers sat at two adjacent tables, one fed her baby with a bottle and one breastfed, only the second would be given a free cup of tea. It's a judgement and it's wrong.