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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about the breastfeeding cafe in Cheltenham?

349 replies

NotNewButNameChanged · 17/07/2014 11:41

Sorry if someone has already done this but I haven't spotted it if so.

I live in Cheltenham and there is a café proudly displaying a sign saying:

"Breastfeeding mums. Pop in and have a free cup of tea if you need a pit stop. No need to eat, no need to ask - please relax "

I am very torn about this. On the one hand, it's great to be supportive of breastfeeding and we know it is illegal to discriminate against breastfeeding mums. But on the other, it's basically discriminating against mums who either can't breastfeed or choose not to. Somehow makes me feel that it's saying breastfeeding mothers are more important and deserving than other mothers.

Am I being unreasonable in being torn?

OP posts:

NoodleOodle · 17/07/2014 13:20

Just get a MyWaitrose card and have a free cup of tea, even if you don't even have ta tas.

mrstiggy · 17/07/2014 13:25

It does seem a bit odd for people to want something taken away from someone just because they can't have it. If I see a cafe advertising a 'pensioners special' I dont feel hurt because I'm not old so don't get it. If I see free baby jars with a meal I don't feel upset that I don't have a baby of the right age for them so I can't have one. Why is this different?

BF is something that causes a lot of people to make unkind remarks and generally seems to invite unwanted attention when in public. Now one tiny cafe try to be nice and then people who arnt bf start shouting 'that's not fair.' I really wish people would drop this defensive infighting.

waterducksback · 17/07/2014 13:25

I would be annoyed if, as a customer, I had to pay for what I ordered and yet a breastfeeding mother gets something for nothing.

Everybody should be treated as valued customers. And any business that fails to follow this simple rule deserves to go out of business.

waterducksback · 17/07/2014 13:31

Icanseethesun:

^Tbh as a mother of school aged children I would avoid that cafe. My mother would and also a lot of other child free people I know would.

I know that because when going out for lunch or coffee we research the least child friendly places.^

I know a lot of people that would do this (myself included) :)

Bambamb · 17/07/2014 13:35

Uuuuuughhhhhhh YABU!!!

Honestly someone tries to do something nice for a section of society that could do with it (it can be daunting breastfeeding in public for some of us) and a load of people screech "but what about meeeeee?". Get over it. FFS. Why can't people just be nice?

Bambamb · 17/07/2014 13:38

And why is it that on any discussion on breastfeeding all the indignation cone out about "poor me I couldn't breastfeed due to medical issues wah wah."
I feel for you, that must suck, but excuse me for feeling happy about the fact that I was able to. I cant run a marathon for medical reasons, doesn't mean someone who can shouldn't be chuffed with themselves.

NutellaLawson · 17/07/2014 13:43

It also clearly insults people who don't have a baby to feed. It implies childless or parents with weaned children are second class citizens. And it only applies to mammals. And what about fathers of breastfed children.

YABU. the sign is a nice gesture that wants to make it clear their support of breastfeeding within their walls is more than just lip service.

It's not as if they are offering a drink to bf and a poke in eye for ff.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 17/07/2014 13:57

A google of 'bottle warming cafe' brings up a sad lady who had to pay 80p, some netmums moaning, and a lot of cafes' websites assuring you there are bottle warming facilities.

That's not fair, is it? They shouldn't offer to warm a baby's feeding bottle, but not my tits, or else they're treating me like SCUM!

Exactly as NutellaL says - the sign is a nice gesture that wants to make it clear their support of breastfeeding within their walls is more than just lip service

sezamcgregor · 17/07/2014 14:04

I think it's a lovely gesture.

I'm not sure of the cup of tea though - with the whole hot drink and a baby - but glass of water would do the trick.

When ever I've worked in catering, I always offer BF'ing mums a quiet corner and some water.

AscoyneDAscoyne · 17/07/2014 14:15

Some days I come on here and my head hurts from all the overthinking!

Yabu, it's a nice gesture for a small section of society who can be made to feel awkward when out and about. I have bf and ff my dc's and bf'ing is thirsty work in this heat.

Honestly, I can't believe you could see a sign like that, take umbridge and then come on here to worry about the discrimination.

Mouthfulofquiz · 17/07/2014 14:15

It's a lovely gesture. Breastfeeding rates are appalling, partly because many people don't consider it to be 'normal'. The more places that encourage it the better. Then more people will be seen to be feeding while out and about, therefore more people may at least give it a shot. Personally, I feed out and about wherever I am - BUT I am a 32 year old woman who is confident and knows her own mind. If I encourage one 20 year old to try it because she sees me doing it in a public place with no drama then that is nothing but positive. Bottle feeding just doesn't need that kind of PR overhaul.

AscoyneDAscoyne · 17/07/2014 14:20

And yes 100% to what mrstiggy said.
Right, I'm off to my local pub to complain about their 20% off for OAP'S lunchtime special. How dare the old folks get all the discount?

beccajoh · 17/07/2014 14:21

Nice gesture but a free cup of tea isn't going to make people breastfeed if they don't want to.

I always managed to take my own drinks and snacks out and about when I was breastfeeding.

poppy1973 · 17/07/2014 14:28

I am not far from Cheltenham, and when I was bf with my lo I would have been so happy to have seen this sign.

It is nice that some cafes are trying to encourage mothers who bf to feel relaxed and welcome in shops. Some places are awful and you feel as though you are odd when you bf in some cafes - huddled in a corner with a shawl on hoping no one will notice you.

If you are bf - yes you do need to keep up the fluids yourself - especially in hot weather - so it is nice that the cafe had this sign up offering a free drink.

They are obviously trying to be positive - so please don't take offense. If you don't lie it - go to a different cafe.

dannyboyle · 17/07/2014 14:32

Know exactly where you mean as just down the road from me and slightly surprised me from them, didn't expect it.

You are not unreasonable, it made me feel uncomfortable as neither of mine breastfed, and at the time last year, rightly or wrongly it would have upset me (exhaustion has much to answer for). For me it's a bit too proactive on breast feeding. If they are going to do it then it should be for all mothers feeding babies, I needed to sit down to feed mine (and prepare a bottle) as much as some breast feeding.

MonstersBalls · 17/07/2014 14:40

It's not about having a nice sit down while you feed your baby though is it?

It's about welcoming a section of society that often feels unwelcome/awkward in cafes and that can only be a GOOD THING.

micah · 17/07/2014 14:40

I would have been delighted with a sign like this.

My own mother hated me bf, and frequently told me to go to the toilets to feed, or that I can't feed in this place, there's men/it's too nice/what will people think.

I'd have taken her there, pointed at the sign, and not have to have yet another conversation about why I couldn't breastfeed in there.

sashh · 17/07/2014 14:41

Runes - positive discrimination is just as bad as negative.

No it isn't, which is why it is allowed by law. That's why some people get a blue badge and others don't. That's why pensioners pay less tax than working people, that's why children get free education and adults don't.

It's like a cafe having a toilet that is free for people to use, they are not discriminating against anyone who doesn't use the toilet.

bleurghblah · 17/07/2014 14:46

YABU. And mean. Ff isn't the same as bf and you need to drink and eat more. people who can't or don't or won't bf who bang on and on and on about how unfair it is for those who have to ff do my head in just the same as people who bf and bang on and on and on about it.

Nutellalawson you made me laugh out loud there xxx

Mim78 · 17/07/2014 14:49

Yabu.

This is a nice thing. Please don't spoil it.

Bf makes you thirsty and tired. You can't do it on the move. Plus bf mums arevoften made uncomfortable.

Mouthfulofquiz · 17/07/2014 14:51

A cup of tea won't make someone breastfeed - obviously beccajoh but It's not about the tea. Seeing people breastfeed, is what it's about. And encouraging those that feel slightly less able to do it in a public place to do so. It's welcoming and as I said, a good gesture.

Mim78 · 17/07/2014 14:51

it only applies to mammals

Love it!

runes · 17/07/2014 14:51

Sassh I didn't say it was, I was challenging another poster who did! I'd love to be given some freebies for bfing

AnnaLegovah · 17/07/2014 15:00

Havn't read the whole thread but has anyone pointed out that its actually a Brasserie Blanc restaurant, not a cafe?

I think its great, just wish they'd had it there when I was BFing.

They can take our Banksy, but they can't take our BFing!

Dutch1e · 17/07/2014 16:16

I think it's a lovely sign.

It's true that no matter what you do, there will always be someone tutting about it. But it's a little easier to defend/ignore/discuss when you don't have your tit out.

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