about the breastfeeding cafe in Cheltenham?

[NotNewButNameChanged]

Sorry if someone has already done this but I haven't spotted it if so.

I live in Cheltenham and there is a café proudly displaying a sign saying:

"Breastfeeding mums. Pop in and have a free cup of tea if you need a pit stop. No need to eat, no need to ask - please relax "

I am very torn about this. On the one hand, it's great to be supportive of breastfeeding and we know it is illegal to discriminate against breastfeeding mums. But on the other, it's basically discriminating against mums who either can't breastfeed or choose not to. Somehow makes me feel that it's saying breastfeeding mothers are more important and deserving than other mothers.

Am I being unreasonable in being torn?

I think its a great idea. ff feeding mums don't get the same poor treatment or tuts and sighs, dirty looks that even the most discreet of bf mums can get, so to find somewhere that is openly welcoming of bf is fab.

for the vast majority of mums ff/bf is a choice. Yes there are a few exceptions to this, such as low supply or some medical/medicine issue that means that they can't bf, but you can ff feed anywhere without worrying that you might upset someone.

I say this as a mum of 3dc who has both bf and ff. ff was far easier in public than bf and that's from someone who wouldn't be bothered if someone was disapproving of me because I happened to be feeding my baby.

I don't know why people find it so strange to consider that it can be hard to bottle feed in public too. I've had negative comments in cafés about it when dd was little. It made me feel embarrassed and like a shit mum (at the time, before I realised these people are idiots) and I used to avoid feeding her anywhere except one cafe where we only ever had nice comments.

I get that it's not the same as breast feeding because there's no body parts involved but not everyone with a bottle will be confident.

Oh come on, I ff my youngest and had more than a few disapproving tuts and comments, mostly from other mothers.
Why not just have a sign saying Everybody welcome?

I think it's a lovely thing to do. Breastfeeding, especially in the early days can make you incredibly thirsty, and it can be difficult to find somewhere comfortable to feed where you feel welcome - I don't see FFs having the same problem.

I think lots of what you do with small children will get tuts and comments from some people, as in passers-by with opinions they can't keep to themselves.

As in, that baby's too cold/needs a dummy/shouldn't be in a pram/should be taken home if it's making that noise/has too many layers on/shouldn't be having a bottle.

But I do think breast-feeding invites particular discrimination and a sense of awkwardness in some places, and it also requires perhaps a bit more space and time than formula feeding, when the baby's really little. And also, not enough people who could do it, are doing it, so any help is a good thing.

YABU - it's a positive gesture in favour of a section of mothers who are often made to feel unwelcome. How can that be wrong?

When breastfeeding I used to get v dizzy sometimes and sooo thirsty. If I was out this would've been great. Promoting breastfeeding is never a bad thing and isn't a slight against women who can't who don't want to.

I haven't BF for over a decade now but still recall so clearly the raging thirst I felt whenever I fed DCs.

This is simply a nice gesture, probably instigated by a lovely lady who went through the same experience. I'd have been delighted to have been offered a chair and a drink whilst feeding. A pint of tap water would suffice.

But hey ho, some people can manage to be offended by the most altruistic of actions.

ff feeding mums don't get the same poor treatment or tuts and sighs, dirty looks that even the most discreet of bf mums can get

And you know this how exactly!?

I have sat in a cafe amd been tutted at and accused of being selfish for ff and not bf by total strangers. I have been told that i am poisoning my daughter and supporting third world tyranny by western companies for ff. I have had a hv tell me that I am damaging my child and causing her weight issues by ff.

DO NOT think that bf mums have the monopoly on being treated shitty

Why not just have a sign saying Everybody welcome?

Because bfing mother's aren't welcome in a lot of places. Yes, they're allowed by law but day to day bfing mothers will get far more hassle than ff mothers.

Damned if they do and damned if they don't.
It is nice to know that there is a place you can breastfeed in feeling totally relaxed, it is not discriminating against anyone fgs.

And bear in mind that this is a business - what a brilliant way of getting more footfall. Good luck to them

Yanbu and this is rubbish:

Breastfeeding is physically demanding of you, you need to eat more and drink a lot more, so I would assume it's in relation to that rather than that FF mothers aren't welcome.

Take a drink and snack with you then.

I was able to BF but this smacks of the smuggers who like to make such a point about it. If anything they too make the lives of FFers as uncomfortable by judging them (and yes I know several people like this). On the occasions when I used expressed milk in public I felt somewhat under scrutiny too.

What's wrong with simply displaying the BFing welcome logo and expecting everyone to pay for their drinks? BFers are not special little flowers.

Cake - I'm not offended by it, don't be daft! I just know someone who sounds exactly like a previous poster who really wanted to breastfeed and couldn't and has often been made to feel 'less of a mother' somehow by people. As I said in my OP, I think supporting breastfeeding and making it easier and more acceptable is totally and utterly right and to be applauded. But surely that can be done without making some mothers feel upset (and I see one or two posters have said they would be upset about this).

For all the formula feeding mothers who've been asked to stop formula feeding in public, put their bottles away etc, might feel uncomfortable, that would be?

Actually yes..Ive had to ff due to my own business..but you would swear it was everyone elses.. People actively had words with me about it..in the hospital, in a park, in various cafes,,when they asked how I was feeding.

So please dont suggest we dont hear it too.

PS: And I live in Ireland too!

A bfing mother always feels slightly self-conscious to a greater or lesser degree

I didn't. And I've breastfed pretty much anywhere you care to mention (except in the toilets - never in the toilets).

How do you mean 'had words'? Asked you to move, or to stop it?

Agree with last tango. Bf is physically demanding And makes you thirsty. Ff doesn't. No need to make a fuss

This is also reminding me of one of the aforementioned smuggers who is such a natural parent, unlike me, obviously, who was surprised that I was BFing DC2, and even when told that I had BFed with DC1 said 'oh right. I didn't realise that.' Yes, that's because I'm able to just get on with I without expecting a standing ovation.

Sorry that was in connection to my last post.

Oh dear, my personal choice would be bottle/formula feeding. I've heard that now, you aren't allowed to bottle feed newborns when you're still in the maternity ward, which is worrying. I don't want to be forced to BF.

It's just a nice thing to do that makes good business sense, I would think.

A bit like how some cafes will warm a bottle for you.

I think this is a lovely thing to do, I think this is the same cafe whose sign is now doing the rounds on fb. They are simply offering a haven to bf mums, with no need to buy food, and a free drink if you need it. I had to ff my three, and would in no way take offence at this.

numanoid they aren't allowed to refuse your wish to ff. I got told the same so was ready for a fight when i had dd and they were brilliant! Had bottles ready for when I needed but I wanted to at least try and bf but dd wasn't interested.

I suppose if you're the kind of person who looks for offense everywhere on behalf of others, then you might be able to be offended. But I really don't see it...

Yes TheOriginalSteamingNit

I have been told:

Told to give up my seat for someone who wants to feed their child properly
Told to leave a mother and baby group because they didnt agree with my choice
Been told I am poisoning my child
Told I am not a fit mother
Told I am disgusting

This was not every day, this was a culmination of many months, outings, different places. At the beginning, I used to explain my medical condition, but when someone told me I shouldnt have kids if Im disabled, I stopped explaining and just answered with a Fuck Off from then on (which reduced repeat offenders quickly!)

Its not a competition between ff and bf. At least it shouldnt be. But OP is right, that sign should say, we welcome bf and if you need to pop in to feed your baby regardless of method, come on in, we have a cuppa waiting for ya.