about the breastfeeding cafe in Cheltenham?

[NotNewButNameChanged]

Sorry if someone has already done this but I haven't spotted it if so.

I live in Cheltenham and there is a café proudly displaying a sign saying:

"Breastfeeding mums. Pop in and have a free cup of tea if you need a pit stop. No need to eat, no need to ask - please relax "

I am very torn about this. On the one hand, it's great to be supportive of breastfeeding and we know it is illegal to discriminate against breastfeeding mums. But on the other, it's basically discriminating against mums who either can't breastfeed or choose not to. Somehow makes me feel that it's saying breastfeeding mothers are more important and deserving than other mothers.

Am I being unreasonable in being torn?

Because it is divisive and unnecessary. It might be a breast feeding support initiative but if it is carried out in a public place, it engages with all types of mums and therefore it does connect to the BF/ FF debate.

Erm, OF COURSE IT IS moom!

It's a business, they are not breastfeeding counsellors!

Mums - daytime trade - cake.

And this would have had my name on it, I breastfed for years.

See now there's two completely different answers - one that of course it's for commercial reasons, and the other that it's a breastfeeding support group initiative

I don't think they give a shiny shite about breastfeeding - it just looks good when it goes viral on Facebook.

Ye gods!

I'll leave you all to it. I just don't see why you would find a need to feel offended because a café did a nice thing - for whatever reason. It seems to be quite a self destructive act to me.

the cynical side of me thinks this is all a marketing ploy

Of course it's to do with marketing. It's a good business idea because when you're breastfeeding it can be hard to know where to go to feed for fear of ending up in the news because you got kicked out of somewhere. If you know for a fact a place welcomes breastfeeders, you will go there every time. Brilliant.

I have never read a story about a bottle feeder being kicked out of somewhere for bottle feeding. It doesn't happen. You may feel society judges you but that's not true. If you are judged it is by a minority nasty few who aren't worth your attention. Society as a whole is comfortable with babies being given bottles. They are much less comfortable with women's breasts being used to feed their babies. You bottle feeders have the whole city at your disposal for feeding your child yet you resent the breastfeeders this one small safe haven. Shame on the lot of you.

This cafe is not saying bottle feeding is wrong - that's your own insecurities showing. I think the only people having an issue with this are those who have not made peace with their own feeding method. And some of you have said that you tried breastfeeding and couldn't for whatever reason - in which case you have FIRST HAND experience of how hard it can be, maybe you lacked good support yourself. But you reaction is to want to withdraw support to those following behind you.

The bullied become the bullies.

the bullied become the bullies

Didn't you just contradict yourself there?

I spent my feeding years feeding anywhere to prove that I was equalto formula feeders. Not deserving of anything less or anything extra.

I agree that there is only a tiny minority of people that would judge anyone for bottle feeding, and they are not worthy of attention.

It's the same group of people that will judge you for every little bloody thing, weaning, sleeping, how you transport your baby.

I know it feels shitty when you plan to breastfeed and it doesn't work out, because I've been there, but that was my issue and I realised no one else really gave much of a shit. Apart from the above ^^ and I avoid those people at all costs.

Didn't you just contradict yourself there?

No? How? I don't think I've ever said that FF'ers don't get judged by a small nasty minority. In fact I quite clearly said I believe that they do.

Nice try though.

You resent the breastfeeders this one small safe haven

Of course we don't! What a ridiculous statement to make. We haven't said the breastfeeders should clear out, we've said that we probably wouldn't feel welcome at the cafe because it seems like out-and-out favouritism towards breastfeeding. Which is fine from a health professional, but from a cafe, it'd probably lose my custom.

When breastfeeders are criticised, they at least have the support of research, and the healthcare system behind them. They can rest easy knowing that their baby is getting the best nutrition. Formula feeders don't have that. When we're told we're poisoning our babies, we're on our own. And we can have as many support groups as we want, that won't stop the fact that the people who see fit to criticise the way we have to or choose to feed our children are backed up by research and health professionals.

I think it's a nice idea and I am not offended by it.

I do think though if they had a sign saying need to give your baby a bottle pop in for a free cup of tea it would have went viral by now and a mass breast feed sit in would be descending on them fairly sharpish.

It reads as though the bullied breast feeders are now bullying the formula feeders.

It reads as though the bullied breast feeders are now bullying the formula feeders

Yes. Remember at school, those bullies who stole your lunch money, flushed your head down the toilet, beat you up and .... didn't give you a free cup of tea? Bastards.

And we can have as many support groups as we want, that won't stop the fact that the people who see fit to criticise the way we have to or choose to feed our children are backed up by research and health professionals.

No it won't. And no matter how much research a breastfeeder can spout it doesn't stop people saying, "why don't you express and then use a bottle"....or whatever. But that's life isn't it?

But no-one can deny that overall breastfeeding is the HARDER option for many, breastfeeders are in the MINORITY, breastfeeding publicly is LESS READILY ACCEPTED by society as a whole, and that it can only be GOOD THING for breastfeeding rates to increase. Therefore breastfeeders should be supported.

And I'm mostly at peace with my feeding method, because my baby would've starved had I persevered with it, but it's pretty difficult to be 'at peace' when a small vocal minority remind you that you're 'poisoning' your baby at every turn. That doesn't make me want to take anything away from breastfeeding mums, all I'm doing is pointing out why they may lose custom, and why it stings a little because it feels like (and yes, that's my problem, doesn't make it any less real) we're second class mothers. Again.

This is a great article that sums up my feelings on the matter.

Moomin, I am nodding at your post. It's a shame number 7 on your link can't extend to a free cup of tea though.

Any sharper, Bambamb....

That's why I was confused, Nit, it didn't make any sense!

Because it's all about equality, Bamb, is that really so hard to grasp?

(and that isn't me saying I don't want breastfeeding women given their precious cup of tea; it's me saying that your sarcastic comments are unwarranted)

So you support breastfeeders......but only to a certain extent.

If there was one chair would you allow the BF'er to have it if the bottle feeder is able to give their child a bottle in their pram, while the BF'er hasn't yet mastered the art of BF'ing while standing.... or would that not be fair to the bottle feeder?

The BF'er is the one MORE IN NEED. Is that really so hard to grasp?

BF mothers can afford the tea - FF mothers have spent all their money on formula

Uughh I am out of here.

Haha that wasn't to your comment Theres