AIBU to be annoyed at 'girl' judging our family dynamics.

[madchocolatemum48]

A group of friends of a neighbour and I were chatting at a party over the weekend.
We were getting acquainted with the usual "What do you do?" "How many children?".......etc etc.
I said dh & i have been married nearly 20 years, 2 children, I'm a SAHM. Ended with saying "You know, the usual traditional family"
A young woman who had already stated she had 3 kids by 3 fathers, never married, pipes up " Fuc#ing hell, didn't know people still did that old b¤llsh!t stuff"

Is it 'old-fashioned' to be a traditional family now? Maybe she just made me feel old, but I wouldn't have made a derogatory comment about her family dynamics.

Happyagain, fair enough. A classic example of not being able to read a situation fully only in writing. Though perhaps you can see how your comment invited the responses without the context, and truly appreciate the impact suggested. Sorry about that. Thanks for bothering to clarify though, took guts given some of the comments.

Op was crass to make such a comment knowing others in the conversation were in different positions. Suspect wasn't meant overtly offensively, but think the subconscious got in on the act - girl, non-traditional, etc... Op was judging and that obviously came across. Perhaps hardly surprising if she got called on it but probably an overreaction on the other woman's part and of course it's rude to describe anyone's life as bs.

So Wotta, should the OP have lied about being married to the father of her children to avoid being "crass"? That seems a bit ridiculous.

I am 50, from a working class background. I don't recall having any friends whose parents were single parents. We are talking 60s and 70s upbringing here, hot ancient history. I also tend to assume children have married parents (despite not being married myself), because of my background.

Tinkle no one is saying she shouldn't say she is married, although why it's particularly necessary to mention it at a BBQ is debatable. It's the smug reference to it being "traditional"

Who cares? What point was she making.

Your comment was snooty.

If you said that in front of me (in married step family) I'd have made a snidy comment back too.

Your set up is old fashioned and unusual. Half of kids don't live with their bio dads by 16. Most mothers work outside the home.

Tinkle I'm 55. I don't assume nor care whether children have married parents.

There are plenty of chips on shoulders on this thread but not the op IMO

I'd assume the person with the chip on her shoulder is the one who has to validate herself by referring to her married status.

No of course she didn't need to lie, just not make a statement which could quite easily be taken as implying that any other set up is abnormal. It's obviously not, see various posters here but more importantly several of the people she was talking to and already knew this about. That's why it has the potential to sound snippy. As I say, I doubt she thought of it like that, but as it was clearly what she was thinking I just don't think she can be surprised if that's how it came across?

47% of children born now have unmarried parents so assuming people are married if they have children is a bit of an odd assumption.

And I'm a very very similar age to you Tinkly - its not that difficult to move with the times is it?

Even my grandma has stopped calling anyone darker than beige "darkies" as she's worked out its not really acceptable anymore.

I am nearly 50.
I knew loads of kids living with separated mums/dads. I am not saying that to be difficult, its the truth. I was considered quite unusual.

I don't why I would have a chip on my shoulder violet I have been with the same man for over 25 years and we have been married for most of that time. I would have no reason to have a chip about other people being married would I?

Even The Archers has had unmarried parents and an IVF baby born to a single parent. Time to drag yourselves out of the 1950s.

Im trying to find thevrevealing twist but cant so whats the story

I was brought up a little Welsh village, being divorced/an unmarried mother would have been a big scandal.

And it's not a question of moving with the times. I'm sitting here struggling to think of single parents I know. None of my best mates from Uni, none of my mates from church, one of my many neighbours, one of my school gate friends. I live in a posh village, it would be hard to live here on one income. Just my personal experience. Some of the teens have friends from single parent families but I've only met them a couple of times, don't know them. In my head, my default is that children have two married parents.

And yes, me and DP often say we seem to be living in the 1950s. Most of the time it's quite pleasant.

fucking hell, didn't know people still did that old bullshit stuff

I swear as much as the next person online, but IRL, in a conversation, if a complete stranger said that to me, I might ask "D'you eat with that mouth"?

But I don't give a monkeys if she's bonked a football team and had a baby by each and every one TBH.

Wow twinkly posh and a stuck up cow lucky you, best you stay in your 50's.

Ooh nice Macdoodle, judgy and offensive in one post.

Tinkle surely in 1950 one would expect a traditional family to live on one income? Hardly posh if the wife has to go out to work.

I'm 26 with 4 kids I had the traditional family married, sahm, working husband... until he beat me maybe your judgeypants need reminding that most people don't set out to be a single parent or have children with different people, circumstances change I would have taken it as a dig too... and the use of Girl for a mother of 3 is patronising and quite frankly rude.

I disagree with the majority of the posters and think that the woman sounded like a hideous bogan. So there you go.

I'd assume the person with the chip on her shoulder is the one who has to validate herself by referring to her married status

Being married is factual information. The main query over the op is her use of the word 'traditional'.

Should someone not mention that they're married in case it offends others?

Tinkle I wonder what your default settings would do if you met me; kept my name and don't wear a wedding ring. How would you tell if it was safe to speak to me?

And they'd probably explode if you'd had to cope with the class list from my son's (properly posh established in 1741 fee-paying) school. So many parents where father and mother have different surnames would you check they were married before you spoke to them? Oh and there were even single parents on it.

Phaedra, damn, you have burst my bubble. Actually there are lots of mums in our village who stay home while their kids are small.

Phaedra why on earth would your marital status have anything to do with whether I spoke to you or not? Where have I written anything remotely like that?

Why do you even assume I am married myself.