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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to warn first time mums about the first day home from hospital?- but then to say things get better!

316 replies

moscowflyer · 12/07/2014 07:31

I had my gorgeous DTDs a month ago via ELCS at 38 weeks. The whole experience was really very lovely and positive. We were incredibly lucky with the pregnancy and the C-section. The hospital stay was great (we are expats living abroad, and hospitals here only have private rooms, not wards). The babies didn't need any special care and were with us from the moment they came out. DH stayed with us in the hospital for four nights and on the fifth day we came home. All of this is just to underline how fortunate we were and to explain that there weren't any bad experiences. The only difficulty was that we were very sleep deprived because the four of us had all been in one little room in the hospital for 4 nights so neither of us parents got more than 45 minutes sleep at a time.

Day 5 after they were born, the day we came home from hospital, was just AWFUL. I can honestly say I have never felt worse in my life. Waiting to be discharged from hospital DH and I were both so scared, obsessive, paranoid, depressed, exhausted. We were sweating with nerves and hormones (me). DH broke one of the car seats trying to get it out of the car out of sheer stress and frustration. We had a huge argument over this (we really rarely argue at all). On the way out of the hospital we nearly crashed into an ambulance. DH started swearing and gesturing at the driver. We had another argument. We got home and I just walked in the door with the pram and burst into uncontrollable sobs, and didn't stop crying for six hours. I also ranted and raged at DH for a gazillion different things. He took it on the chin but was badly shaken himself. I was totally inconsolable. I felt like death. It was utterly hideous. (Though, looking back, it does have some comedy value!)

In all of this the babies were absolutely fine- they slept through all the drama like two angels! We were very lucky. We had booked a maternity nurse to help out with the babies that night. She arrived that night to find me in shreds, DH on the verge of hysterics, and two sleeping babies. She put me to bed, and from the next morning Things. Got. Better. Now, a month on, life is (very gradually) taking a wonderful new shape.

I was chatting about this to a friend yesterday and she said every single woman she knows with kids has had a similar experience. Which got me thinking that forewarned is forearmed in these situations. I really wish someone had told me beforehand: (a) the day you get home from hospital with your first baby/babies is HORRENDOUS; (b) it starts to get better from that day on!

AIBU to think all first time mums should be told this?

Would really like to hear about other people's experiences, too. (Might reassure us that we're not the only couple to have had a massive row over car seats in the hospital car park!)

OP posts:
Cocktailcabinet · 12/07/2014 14:30

I was shouting for emphasis dear

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/07/2014 14:34

There's a bold option for that.

HTH

DottyDooRidesAgain · 12/07/2014 14:35

Being accused of bullying when I haven't is annoying and frustrating.

Also I never said having twins was easy so I don't know where you have got that from.

Your post make no sense Tilly

My posting style became aggressive after the OP called people arseholes and fucktards.

My posting style became aggressive after others decided to name me a bully yet have refused to show me the posts where I bullied the OP.

I have not sworn at anyone nor called them names so I am unable to see where the aggression is.

I have no problem with differences of opinion but I do have a problem with being labelled a bully when I have not bullied the OP.

Cocktailcabinet · 12/07/2014 14:35

No not really I'm on an iPhone 5.

Any ideas?

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/07/2014 14:37

An asterix on each side of the word you want to bold. No spaces.

Works fine on the iPhone 5 I'm typing from.

Cocktailcabinet · 12/07/2014 14:37

And too be honest, I'm not that bothered either.

I'm bored of this pointless and rather mundane exchange so I'll leave you PEOPLE to it.

ginslinger · 12/07/2014 14:42

moscow i have no idea why people were so nasty at the beginning and then all the piling on after. Like you I had no idea until recently that the word you used was disabilist. I remember being in bits after Ds1 and wondering how I would ever manage when i got home. We had epic rows too - to do it with twins plus a c section is amazing.

TillyTellTale · 12/07/2014 14:42

How is this then?

It is apparently Wrong with a capital W for a woman to assume her own childbirth experiences are representative, despite the fact that people do this all the time without the excuses of pain, exhaustion or stress.

But it's okay for you to conclude that she must realise the derivation of "fucktard" because it's obvious to you? Apparently your brain is representative of all?

You were aggressive about the fact she hadn't replied yet and made implications about that. And then, you patronised her and told her not to upset herself.

Fucking hell!

ColdCottage · 12/07/2014 14:46

MoscowFlyer big hugs.

DottyDooRidesAgain · 12/07/2014 14:50

It wasn't her child birth experience. It was her coming home experience. With the nearly crashing of the car and the DH's anger and breaking of the child's car seat.

Also I never said she was wrong I said it was, given the responses on here, not the norm.

I advised the OP to hide the thread and to not let others not agreeing with her upset her.

Had I have said there there OP don't you worry about it. T
hat would have been patronising.

ScouseBird8364 · 12/07/2014 14:56

i've just popped back here, and I'm sorry Moscow, but if you consider these comments from people 'bullying' and have made you cry then I feel for your state of mind, I really do - Has anybody told you to do anything bad to yourself? No. Has anybody used foul language towards you, in the sense that you did towards them? No.

Again, you seem to think you are exclusive, in your reference made about having to deal with two babies, get over it, we all have to!

ScouseBird8364 · 12/07/2014 14:58

"So scared to read it all..."?! Oh ffs, you're a grown woman OP, nothing on here I believe constitutes bullying for Christs sake Hmm

Playing the victim now Confused Envy

TillyTellTale · 12/07/2014 15:03

Scouse they are a month old. For crying out loud!

P.S. I think the comment about crucifixion was particularly unpleasant.

Dotty ooh, so it makes a difference that she was talking about her experience five days post-partum? I wasn't even discharged from hospital at that point!

DottyDooRidesAgain · 12/07/2014 15:03

Don't bother scouse as her supporters will soon start making stuff up and accuse you of bullying and being aggressive.

Frankly this thread has done it for me. They misquote you to suit their own purpose. Won't answer reasonable requests but then accuse everyone else of a mob mentality Hmm when they need to look a little closer to home.

The only bullies here were you lot who started on me, just me and nobody else. Well you have got what you wanted and I am now flouncing. My only regret is that I will not get to know the outcome of my abuse support thread but hey what does it matter I'm an aggressive bully anyway.

ScouseBird8364 · 12/07/2014 15:07

OP seriously though, if you can't accept differing opinions to yours, then I'd think twice about using forums like these, and this is why I'm afraid I fail to believe that you have been reduced to tears Hmm

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE DEALING WITH MULTIPLE CHILDREN, get over yourself

Maybe83 · 12/07/2014 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScouseBird8364 · 12/07/2014 15:19

To keep making the exclusivity references to having children, takes her right back to her OP and why people have been a little frustrated Envy

Plus are you therefore saying it's not out of order for her to use the language she did on other posters here?! Sorry, but in tears my arse!

ILoveCoreyHaim · 12/07/2014 15:21

I came home after 1 or 2 nights in hospital, 2 wirh dc1, 1 with dc2 and 9hrs with dc3. As i was FF dp took over the first few night feeds. I was fine the first night/day home but had a straightforward car ride home from the hospital. TBH i wouldnt like dp to stay with me in hoapital i would rather have him nice and fresh to take over.

TillyTellTale · 12/07/2014 15:31

Scouse you're not the only one dealing with multiple children either Hmm

Maryz · 12/07/2014 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IdaClair · 12/07/2014 15:36

My first day at home was the first day, I have given birth to my babies at home. I can't say I recognise anything of the going home ritual.

BranchingOut · 12/07/2014 15:37

I fail to understand why people don't read an OP, take a minute to understand where a person might be coming from and pause to apply a bit of empathy to themselves before jumping on to the screen, guns blazing.

MrsMaturin · 12/07/2014 15:38

I specifically tell the new mums I know that yes the baby is very lovely and it's all super BUT either already or one day soon they will be sat there thinking 'what have I DONE....' and they must not think it's just them. I think pretty much everybody does have that sinking moment of 'I can't possibly do this and have ruined everything for everybody' and very few people want to articulate it because then there will be the head tilting and the talk of PND etc etc and what it's actually about is that a new baby takes some adjusting too and part of that adjusting is describing to yourself just how big a change it is.

ScouseBird8364 · 12/07/2014 15:45

Tilly, Errr, yeah, that was kinda my point, duh! Grin

ExcuseTypos · 12/07/2014 15:45

Here are some very nasty people on MNet.

OP I hope you've hidden this thread. Don't let it get you down.

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