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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to warn first time mums about the first day home from hospital?- but then to say things get better!

316 replies

moscowflyer · 12/07/2014 07:31

I had my gorgeous DTDs a month ago via ELCS at 38 weeks. The whole experience was really very lovely and positive. We were incredibly lucky with the pregnancy and the C-section. The hospital stay was great (we are expats living abroad, and hospitals here only have private rooms, not wards). The babies didn't need any special care and were with us from the moment they came out. DH stayed with us in the hospital for four nights and on the fifth day we came home. All of this is just to underline how fortunate we were and to explain that there weren't any bad experiences. The only difficulty was that we were very sleep deprived because the four of us had all been in one little room in the hospital for 4 nights so neither of us parents got more than 45 minutes sleep at a time.

Day 5 after they were born, the day we came home from hospital, was just AWFUL. I can honestly say I have never felt worse in my life. Waiting to be discharged from hospital DH and I were both so scared, obsessive, paranoid, depressed, exhausted. We were sweating with nerves and hormones (me). DH broke one of the car seats trying to get it out of the car out of sheer stress and frustration. We had a huge argument over this (we really rarely argue at all). On the way out of the hospital we nearly crashed into an ambulance. DH started swearing and gesturing at the driver. We had another argument. We got home and I just walked in the door with the pram and burst into uncontrollable sobs, and didn't stop crying for six hours. I also ranted and raged at DH for a gazillion different things. He took it on the chin but was badly shaken himself. I was totally inconsolable. I felt like death. It was utterly hideous. (Though, looking back, it does have some comedy value!)

In all of this the babies were absolutely fine- they slept through all the drama like two angels! We were very lucky. We had booked a maternity nurse to help out with the babies that night. She arrived that night to find me in shreds, DH on the verge of hysterics, and two sleeping babies. She put me to bed, and from the next morning Things. Got. Better. Now, a month on, life is (very gradually) taking a wonderful new shape.

I was chatting about this to a friend yesterday and she said every single woman she knows with kids has had a similar experience. Which got me thinking that forewarned is forearmed in these situations. I really wish someone had told me beforehand: (a) the day you get home from hospital with your first baby/babies is HORRENDOUS; (b) it starts to get better from that day on!

AIBU to think all first time mums should be told this?

Would really like to hear about other people's experiences, too. (Might reassure us that we're not the only couple to have had a massive row over car seats in the hospital car park!)

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 12/07/2014 12:42

And back to the topic,I wish more people would post their difficult experiences then people might not have such an unrealistic view of motherhood as a whole.

DottyDooRidesAgain · 12/07/2014 12:44

OP has chosen not to come back and acknowledge that her use of it was out of order. Then all the aww but she's got twins let her off posts Hmm.

I don't understand how anyone cannot know what it means. It's is obvious to me that it is a bastardisation of those 2 words.

Mintyy · 12/07/2014 12:45

Musmnet at its finest eh!?

DottyDooRidesAgain · 12/07/2014 12:46

In what way Mintyy?

Or is your cryptic post supposed to mean something?

StillWishihadabs · 12/07/2014 12:48

err no. I loved coming home both times, nothing like your own bath and your own bed.

FFSFFS · 12/07/2014 12:48

I wouldn't use that word but I thought it was a combo of fuck and bastard?

Maybe the OP thought the same.

I hope the OP has hidden the thread.

ithoughtofitfirst · 12/07/2014 12:48

Nice Hmm

Cocktailcabinet · 12/07/2014 13:06

This post should be in childbirth or somewhere more appropriate possibly.

I for one like another poster couldn't care less about a strangers homecoming story especially if it's telling me what I should or shouldn't expect as though it's gospel. It comes across as incredibly annoying for some, as for the name calling which them ensued. Dear me.

OP, you really do need to see you HV or midwife if you're feeling overwhelmed and can't cope with what's just happened ie giving bith and all that goes with it as if you DH isn't being supportive then you really will need to find it elsewhere.

FWIW you DHsounds like a complete dick for smashing up car seats in a rage. I don't know anyone who has behaved like that bringing their newborns home from hospital so I'm afraid I'm with the posters who say YBVU in scaremongering and having twins is no excuse for rudeness. Ever.

CoffeeTea103 · 12/07/2014 13:08

This is when mn becomes toxic.. Happens so much these days.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 12/07/2014 13:12

Indeed coffee.

Mintyy · 12/07/2014 13:14

People often make the mistake of thinking that work is a combination of fuck and bastard. If they continue to use it having been informed that it is now considered a disablist term (as the tard comes from retard rather than bastard) then that is good reason to rant and report.

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/07/2014 13:17

This thread is dire. I do rather hope op has hidden it.

The pile in was unnecessary and it was happening from the get go. Before the op lost her temper.

Hailtotheking · 12/07/2014 13:18

well mn hq have deleted it now
so surely time tomove on

Mintyy · 12/07/2014 13:19

Yes, what happened to cutting people a little slack? So what if her post was a bit gauche?

Just doesn't happen in AIBU does it?

NecklessMumster · 12/07/2014 13:19

Yes OP...I had a horrible time and 2nd time worse. Kept catching sight of myself in the mirror looking all glassy eyed and shocked. MN shld let people share experiences without being attacked. I thought that was the whole point

moscowflyer · 12/07/2014 13:20

I haven't even had time to read most of the thread- yes, I was dealing with two babies (poo explosion x 2) and all that entails. They are finally both asleep.

Just wanted to say very first of all- I thought the word "fucktard" was a mix of "fuck" and "bastard". Not at all a polite word- but the thought of being "disabilist" (is THAT even a word?) never even crossed my mind.

I'm actually shaking at the prospect of reading the 6 pages or so that I've skipped. You might think that this is just having a go for fun on t'internet but it's awful. Someone earlier said "You will be crucified for this. Good." It's terrifying knowing that I have been/am being crucified on these pages. The shitty comments really, really hurt. I've been crying quite a bit over the earlier shitty ones so I don't know what the rest of them will be.

I'm sorry for not thinking every single word through. My attention was distracted here and there by the babies and their needs today so I pressed post at various times without re-reading really carefully. I'm sorry for the inaccuracies in my original post. I'm sorry for getting angry at people being horrible, trying to stand up for myself and apparently making things worse. I'm so hurt by so much of this and so scared to read it all. I'm crying writing this.

OP posts:
VSeth · 12/07/2014 13:23

My first day at home was lovely, tiring but lovely. I did cry a bit leaving hospital but that was just hormones.

DH made me lots of tea, in the first week I got through 99 cups of tea.

Hailtotheking · 12/07/2014 13:25

moscowflyer don't let it get you down,

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/07/2014 13:25

op don't read it. Just hide the thread and carry on using MN as usual.

Lots of people seem to be having a shitty Saturday.

Mintyy · 12/07/2014 13:26

Moscow - there have been some kinder, understanding posts. Not everyone has been awful. I am sorry you are so upset Flowers.

GnomeDePlume · 12/07/2014 13:26

God YANBU, I read out the OP to DH. We both remember getting home with DD1 (who is now 18). We put her car seat down and sat on the sofa next to each other thinking 'what on earth have we done?'

We wanted to write to all the baby book writer and cry - YOU LIED TO US

A long, long labour during which DD's head never engaged. Nothing worked. I was put on the OxyToxyPoxy drip, the drip machine promptly stopped working. The MW was useless, sat in a corner singing to herself leaving me using the gas and air all wrong - only pointed out when the shift changed.

Waters broken to speed up labour - made no difference. Foetal scalp monitor didnt work.

Nothing happened until DD was in distress and we ended up with a sprint through the corridors to theatre for an EMCS.

Nothing had prepared us for this. The books had all spoken positively about how amazing the MWs would be. How procedures would actually work. How great it would be and how we would soon be home with our beautiful baby.

Nobody told us we would be shattered by the experience. How I would end up bruised, battered and cut open.

When DD was born there was very little advice on colic (which DD had quite badly). In fact some books suggested that colic didnt exist and that the perpetually screaming, writhing, puce face baby was a figment of over anxious parents' imaginations.

It isnt always a great experience.

DottyDooRidesAgain · 12/07/2014 13:28

Hide the thread OP if it is upsetting you so much.

And please be aware that the word you used is very very offensive it doesn't matter if disablists is a real word or not.

Not everyone will always agree with you and vice versa and that's ok but upsetting yourself over it won't help.

MrsMaturin · 12/07/2014 13:36

Oh ffs - she hasn't 'upset herself' - she's been reduced to tears by what others have posted on this thread. I hope everybody who has posted in an aggressive, nasty or snide manner feels totally ashamed of themselves.

Cocktailcabinet · 12/07/2014 13:40

Nobody is having a go at the OP just offering their opinions which is the whole point of AIBU.

Maybe hiding the thread or moving to somewhere more sympathetic would help.

I'm having a fab Saturdays thanks. All the babies are asleep and the rest are out. Bliss.

Cocktailcabinet · 12/07/2014 13:41

Mrsmaturin

Are you the thread monitor?

Swipe left for the next trending thread