To be so angry that MIL fed DS 4month

[PretzelPrincess]

So I left DS who is 4 moths old with MIL just while I popped to the super market, half an hour max. I come back and she's feeding him a banana He's 4 months and I have explicitly said over and over I don't want to give him solids just yet. I'm so angry just thinking about it. I feel totally undermined. Don't trust her with DS anymore. Urghhhhhh.

They would say, so you knew your MIL would never listen to you and you handed over a vulnerable small defenceless human to her...and she did what you knew she would do which is do her own thing and now this has happened...

Uhm.. No. They would prosecute the MIL for neglect and manslaughter.

Talk about victim blaming.

I'm not embarrassed about any of the PFB stuff I did. I have a very good laught at it, but I'm not a teensy bit embarassed.

Much of it was down to being very anxious and trying to hide from the world how much of the mental struggle it was.

Nothing to be embarassed about IMO.

BTW OP, I don't think this is case of PFB.

Blimey Iam ain't no one doing to prison over... An egg.

No I don't think this is PFBness, when to start weaning is a decision for the parents to make.

The egg, was an unfortunate accident.

'a mental struggle'

My eldest is 7 now, Ragwort, does that make it OK for me to say this was wrong, without being PFB?

It's about the breach of trust.
How can OP ever trust MIL to do anything she says she will? Not leave the baby locked in the car while she pops into Tesco? Not let her 'very friendly' pitbull play with it?

MiL has deliberately gone behind the mum's back, because she thought she knew best. How incredibly arrogant. And how the hell can OP know what she will decide is best for the baby next?

I'd have to do some googling, SquigglySquid, but I think there have been successful prosecutions for leaving a DC with someone known to be neglectful who then goes on to harm them. Generally violent boyfriends and the like, obviously.

When ds was approx 2 weeks old my xmil took him out for an hour to give me a rest. Very kind of her & great for her too. When they came back she told me he cried while they were out but luckily she'd just bought herself an ice cream so she was able to dip his dummy in the ice cream and that kept him quiet for a while.

i was fuming, xh threatened her with never looking after him unsupervised ever again. We got over it. Ds is 13 now, i don't think it damaged him. He has a good relationship with his gm. He still likes ice cream.

It's a very very very VERY big jump between giving a banana and leaving alone in a car.

I think the OP is right to get angry about this but this is getting a bit out of hand, honestly.

So you felt the same way OP feels Yolandi?

Yanbu

People forget what it is like having your first child and wanting to do all the fun exciting stuff like weaning etc with them. Just because it is PFB, it doesn't make it any less upsetting.

Take yourself back to when you had a new baby. Be a bit empathetic.

The MIL took that away. Yes we know it is just a banana but that isn't the point ffs.

Yolandi, I had an ice cream incident with exMIL too. She wanted to show me that I was making up the fact that DD1 had an allergy to milk (not lactose intolerance but allergy to milk protein). And show everyone else gathered in her house that day what an eejit I was. Public vindication for her and humiliation for me -- sweet.

According to her, people who said their children had food allergies were pandering to their children's fussiness in an unhealthy way, making rods for their own backs, or seeking to draw attention to themselves. Blah. Blah. Etc.

So she set a bowl of Ben and Jerry's in front of DD1 and DD lifted her little toddler spoon and ate some. Then she broke out immediately in hives and started wheezing. All of which was visible and audible to everyone except exMIL who continued to pooh pooh the allergy 'quackery'. Stupid cow.

I don't think this is necessarily a MIL thing either. I would be pissed off with anyone who fed my baby banana at four months old. Or any other food tbh. When other people weaned their children is irrelevant. My decision is to wean all my children when they can sit up and get the food to their mouths themselves.

I really am shocked at the way the anti anti-mil backlash is colouring this discussion.

People should respect your wishes as a parent, when they are reasonable and appropriate wishes.

My MIL thinks allergies are made up and she is a nurse.

My niece had some. Why you would want to make them up I have no idea.

Yes, i was furious! Ice cream for a 2 week old is preposterous IMO, however it was normal in the 70s and xmil didn't for one moment think she was doing wrong.

I was angry, I'm not any more & no lasting harm has been done.

Ds was given a dummy in hospital at 2 hours old (again, acceptable stuff where we were at the time). I was cross about it at the time but he's ok, really didn't/doesn't matter!

Regardless of how small the incident ragwort, the point is, this grandmother doesn't respect her sons and dils parenting choices.

So this time it was over weaning.

But perhaps next time it will be over the use of a car seat because they didn't in her day.

Or putting lo down to nap on his front.

Or rubbing whiskey on his gums when teething.

It does not matter how reasonable anyone thinks the banana was. The woman purposely went against the parents wishes and has broken that trust.

Oh, and I will be a great MIL. I won't deliberately ignore what my grandchildren's parents expressly ask me to do with their children.

First tastes of food ARE something you look forward to giving. I was pleased to give all three of my dc their first taste of food.

*Yolandi, I had an ice cream incident with exMIL to(

yes i have had an ice cream incident too, nothing as bad as allergies ( thank goodness, we didnt know) ...a relative determined to feed her first, I had EBF for 6 months and sooooo looking forward to that first spoon of food...so looking forward to it!
Relative thought it was funny on power crazed trip to give her ice cream and even had the cheek to say the other day ....Just rememever X your first food was icecream.

why. why would someone step over that line.

power ? insanity, hate towards the mother?
Its just not something I would do, and never ever to my own DC children...

I cant imagine doing it to my own GC....knowing how upset my Dc would be...

x post humphrey,

I suppose I find it so shocking in that its just not something I can see myself doing unless out of spite or negative feelings...I just wouldnt do it...its not healthy...its controlling

Yep, I remember DS's first food. What it was, where we were, his utter joy, DH was there too and it's on camera.

It was a lovely moment, one we were denied with DD and I don't see why any grandparent would take that away from the new parents.

It's no more PFB than wanting to keep your child's first outfit or shoes. Or to take them for their first haircut and keep a curl. I would think that's not exclusive to the first born at all.

• And if you really think that giving your baby her first 'taste of food' is such a highlight in your life then I feel sorry for you

Well it seems to be the highlight of lots of MILS out there doesnt it...save your sorry feelings for them, they did it with their own and now want to steal the moment from the actual parents.

It was hugely special for me both times ....

I really am shocked at the way the anti anti-mil backlash is colouring this discussion.

Yes to this! It's started to seem as if a woman can't have any kind of issue with her MIL's behaviour, however outrageous that behaviour might be, without being accused of MIL bashing.

It doesn't happen with any other group of people. Issues with husbands, friends, parents, even other ILs, that are aired on MN all seem to be looked at on their own merits. But God forbid you have a problem with the woman who happens to be your MIL.

Ours is on camera too Slithy...its wonderful footage, both times were very special for different reasons...its a huge milestone.

Yanbu

I wouldn't be leaving her with ds alone again.

LoonvanBoon

We have - "arnt you dreading being a mil threads" every so often and the general consensus is, the people with good relationships with their mils, dont need to post...so we only hear the bad stories....and as we all know...there are plenty of horror stories out there...