To be so angry that MIL fed DS 4month

[PretzelPrincess]

So I left DS who is 4 moths old with MIL just while I popped to the super market, half an hour max. I come back and she's feeding him a banana He's 4 months and I have explicitly said over and over I don't want to give him solids just yet. I'm so angry just thinking about it. I feel totally undermined. Don't trust her with DS anymore. Urghhhhhh.

You specifically told her not to do something when looking after your child- she did it anyway - she thinks she knows best. She would not be looking after mine again and I would let her know its because I didn't trust her

I'd be furious OP!!
All trust would be gone in my eyes.

Wanting to be the one to give your child their first food at a time you deem appropriate is helicopter parenting and hysteria?

Aye right.

My mother keeps wanting to put baby cereal in DD's bottle since she was only a month old. Keeps telling me it will help her sleep through the night. I've told her no, the doctors have said 6 months. Her stance is that the doctors are just being unreasonable and worried about obesity, and that all babies were fed cereal back in her day.

So far she has respected it. But if I found out she went behind my back and fed DD cereal, bananas, etc.. It would take a long time to earn my trust back and allow them to be around DD unsupervised again.

My MIL did exactly the same OP (what is it about bananas?). She now doesn't get to spend time with him alone.

She was unreasonable for being sneaky but I have to say you were beyond unreasonable for the "'we're not allowed food just yet - are we DS'. You are allowed food, your DS is not - there is no "we"

I haven't seen any hysteria on this thread. Ops MIL was out of order. Period. What gives her the right to go against the mother's wishes? Yes she can advise and help but not take over like this. And the fact that there will be a full scale family war' if op pulls her up on this does not bode well for the future.

I think the point is, surely, that MIL went deliberately against the OP's wishes for no good reason. What if it was about something important/dangerous next time?

And yes, I gave my child solids at 4mo.

Silly cow. Hope DH makes it clear she will not have a second chance.

Half of me think it's only a banana what's the problem!

The other half would be slightly Peeved that it wasn't me that gave it to him for his first tastes.

It is a bit pfb though IMO!

I weaned at 4 months on docs advice!

Slithy how charming you are.

My point is that however irritating it may be to have someone not follow your instructions re feeding a baby. It's not really the end of the world and to threaten to go nc with a loving granny (if that is what she is and who weaned her babies on different rules) IS hysterical and mad.

Mind you from this quote I know she wot listen to anythig I say. And If I do say something even slightly confrontational it will turn into a full scale war involving the whole family. she sounds as loopy as the OP.

And If I do say something even slightly confrontational it will turn into a full scale war involving the whole family.

You might as well get it over with now.

If she can't respect your decisions, I wouldn't leave DC alone with her. And I would tell her why.

She deliberately went against your instructions. What if it was something more important next time?

And even if it's only your baby's first taste of solids, you have the right to that experience if it matters to you. End of.

It may take a village, but the village is supposed to support the family, not undermine them.

I wouldn't be leaving my DC alone with anyone who deliberately went against my wishes. In this situation I'd be allowing only supervised contact from now on.

I agree with Ljny. Get it over with now. Don't give her a second chance with DS. It seems it is really important to her to get her own way. Nothing good will come of letting her get away with this.

What the MIL is doing is using the baby to one-up the baby's mother. She has been carping about the baby's weight and thus directly questioning the OP's ability to properly take care of her own baby for a good while now. It's a hostile act designed to put the DIL in her place and reassert her own place in the family hierarchy. The DH now needs to put his mother in her place and needs to stick by the OP through whatever tantrum the MIL chooses to throw.

Well it's crap she went against the ops wishes you need to nip this mil in the bud....

As much as it's currently recommended 6months for weaning, it's also baby led! Mummy will know when her baby is ready to try

YANBU at all OP, your follow-up post of 23:40 is exactly right: it's not that a banana will hurt him, it's that she thinks it's OK to do something she knows you wouldn't want on the sly when your back is turned. She is certainly not to be trusted - next time maybe it will be taking him for his first haircut without you or somesuch.

I positively despair at posters insinuating that the OP is being dramatic. Do you not remember what it was like with your first child? They are precious, all memories of 'first' time activities together are precious.

OP I would be livid. I too had incessant pressure to wean early, I stuck to my plans. The current advice is to wean at 26 weeks, unless advised to wean early by a medical professional. This is what you have decided to do, this decision should be respected.

I would be at this too - not because it would do him any harm (my DS had his first food at 4mo because that was the advice at time, it had changed to 6m by the time I had DD) but because you had already told her not to and she thinks she knows better. Ignoring your instructions and doing whatever she likes with YOUR child. It's more about control than a banana. (That's a weird sentence )

Mine did something similar, after being expressly told NOTto as I was going out the door. I only left him for an hour ffs.
I walked in as she was midway to his mouth with the spoon and she said 'oh I thought I'd feed him, hope that's ok. He loves it,' with a stupid smug I-showed-you smile.
I counted to ten and then said 'well no, as we discussed at length it's not actually. I've told you he doesn't need food yet and I'm his mother, please respect that in future.'

Well that simple reply DID start WW3, I was being cruel and bullying mil etc etc, and she didn't talk to me for weeks. I don't leave DC unsupervised with her anymore as it wasn't the first time she'd gone against my wishes just to prove a point.
I'm not bothered though, her loss.

YANBU, you did well to hold your cool... I would have been livid! First solids for both my babies were very special moments (as it happens one at 5 months, the other 6 months - me and DHs decision, not MIL or anyone else).. the main issue here is that she expressly went against your clearly stated wishes

Sorry but people are not overreacting, the guidelines are as not before 17 weeks and preferably 6 months. But irrespective of that your mil should not be feeding your baby anything until and unless you have asked her too.

For me that would be a deal breaker until so id allow no more alone time until she had shown alot more respect of your parenting decisions. Sorry just because everyone used to do something doesn't necessarily make it right, when you know better do better comes to mind. Even if you had decided to wean lo, its still your choice when and where.

What does the babys father say?

You will have to get together with DH and set up your boundaries - she has to respect them even if she doesn't agree with them.
Generally I stick up for MILs- but they have to be reasonable - and she wasn't.

She disregarded your wishes! Also sounds like she is trying to undermine you. I wouldn't leave her with him unsupervised again.