To be so angry that MIL fed DS 4month

[PretzelPrincess]

So I left DS who is 4 moths old with MIL just while I popped to the super market, half an hour max. I come back and she's feeding him a banana He's 4 months and I have explicitly said over and over I don't want to give him solids just yet. I'm so angry just thinking about it. I feel totally undermined. Don't trust her with DS anymore. Urghhhhhh.

I agree that this isn't about the banana, the banana will have done no harm at all.
I would have a polite word with her at this stage-if the family start world war 3 about it you will know that you have a problem.
Draw your boundaries early and don't be intimidated.
Grandparents should do their best to follow the parent's wishes when caring for their grandchildren-ok they may spoil them a bit but they shouldn't deliberately undermine the parents.
If you give too much rope now it may be hard to pull back later- but no need to angry or rude-just be clear with her.

vixsatis Precisely! And don't get me started on "ta"

polyhymnia speaks sense. Don't get things out of perspective. Your DS will not be under your total control for the rest of his life.

I do find some people on here unbelievably precious about every little thing to do with their baby. I was completely when my friend handed DP and I 3 A4 sized pages of instructions the first time we looked after her 18 month old for 2 hours, which included no meal or sleep times!

However, I completely understand why the OP is furious about this. And by the way, did people miss what she said in the original post about how she doesn't feel she can challenge her MIL without starting WW3? Does this sound like a supportive, loving granny who only wants to do her best? Or someone who may have seized an opportunity to do things 'her way' i.e. 'the right way' as soon as she got DS to herself?

I'm not a parent but I can completely imagine my own mother being the same way. Say for example, I chose not to give the baby a dummy, and felt strongly about this, I can imagine my mother getting great pleasure out of giving him/her a dummy the second my back was turned. Some GPs are lovely and respectful of everyone's boundaries, others are most definitely not. The OP is not being paranoid about this. And as others have said, it is most definitely not all about the banana

poly, maybe you are too nice to see how hurtful it was.

No, of course it wasn't about a banana.

The problem is, what else does she think she can ignore because she just doesn't take her DIL's wishes seriously?

I had a big falling out with my MIL when my dc were 4 and 6. They slept at her flat for the first time (we live abroad and were on holiday, left them with her for a night). MIL knew the one thing she cannot do is leave them alone in the flat. We talked about it loads, I knew she thought I was being precious, she'd done it all the time with dh and siblings, etc.
She knew both her DIL and her sons thought it was dangerous.

The next day when we picked them up my dd (6) told me that ds had been really frightened and cried when they were alone?
Turns out my MiL had left them alone for over half an hour when they were still asleep to get milk for breakfast. Supermarket is a 10 minute walk. What if something had happened to her on the way? What if there had been a fire? She had locked them in on the 4th floor.
I didn't leave them with her again until they were about 10 and 12 and the little one has never been alone with her.

OP, nip it in the bud, even if there is a fall out.

Blimey, Zimt, I'd have hit the roof. What did your MIL say about it - not the leaving them bit (which she was clearly fine with), but the deliberately going against your express wishes bit?

Many more things in the future will annoy you - my Nanny teaching my PFB to say "pardon" was one of the hardest to bear.

victrix, I don't agree with your general point, but this is magnificent.

Archery, she still said it was perfectly safe, i was being unreasonable and nothing happened, so she was right.

archery It's about as daft as minding about a banana, isn't it?

I am so confused by feeding instructions. Our pfb only started solids at 6 months, but my sister had her third four months ago and seemed proud to be force feeding her banana at a family party a few days ago. Her other DC are only 6 and 5. Has advice really changed that much so recently?

I hope you don't mind me asking another question, Zimt, but I'm fascinated by this. How did she take the total cessation of overnight and/or unsupervised visits?

(And did she really not count your kids being frightened and crying as something happening?)

Anyway, my sympathies.

I'm trying to discourage DM from teaching DS to say 'ta' at the moment.

Also working on preventing FIL from giving him chocolate bananas. Vile things.

If that's PFB then I don't care (second DC )

What even is a chocolate banana???

Force Feeding

They were 4-6. Got changed to 6. There is no issue with someone weaning a 4 month old, in my opinion.

If you look at the NHS site it says "around" 6 months.

I went for 5 months, and it worked well for me.

This is interesting

www.bmj.com/content/342/bmj.c5955.extract

I know I read something more recent but I cant find it now.

Archery, we live abroad and see her when she comes here (rarely, as "it always rains") or when we go to see our relatives once a year. We never stay over night with her because her flat is too small and my BIL has a big house in the same town and similar aged children to ours. So they play and don't want to go home with granny, if they can see her during the day.
I know she asked my son once and he said he wanted to sleep in his cousin's room.
Now they are teens and can look after themselves.

I think she knew well that it was out of order and especially to leave them sleeping, thinking they wouldn't wake up. They couldn't read at the time either, knew none of the neighbours. It only ended well because my eldest is such a level headed girl and my son always trusted her. She just made up a game for him.

YANBU or PFB. What is it with some people wanting to give babies food? I walked into my stepmum feeding my 8mo a custard cream last weekend. I know it's only a biscuit in the grand scheme of things but it is annoying.

Oh, good on your DD!

thesweetcorner.co.uk/soft-chewy/chocolate-bananas#bmb=
Nasty yellow marshmallow covered in cheap chocolate.

Huge choking hazard especially as DS doesn't chew very well yet. Luckily MIL is appalled at the idea and reining FIL in.

slithy those shouldn't be allowed at any age!!!

Harold an excellent link. It is therefore quite plausible that guidelines in the UK may well change back to weaning at 3 or 4 months once randomised trials are complete: the current evidence for reduced infection through ebf for 6 months being outweighed by the downside of increased obesity, anaemia and coeliac disease in babies ebf after 4 months...

But now I want an actual banana covered in nutella.

Well maybe force feeding a bit strong but mushing it in to her mouth and repeating even though DD was pushing it all back out

Oh a real banana coated in naice chocolate with icecream and whipped cream bloody lovely. And I probably would let DS have that actually.

Nasty dyed marshmallow, not a hope.

Goes without saying that the woman totally undermined you op, I would be pissed off too, as other have said it's about control.

I know the guidelines did used to say from 4 months, but at that time I'm sure finger foods and lumpy foods were from 7 months so BLW just bought finger food forward 1 month since that.
Even if I were weaning my child at 4 months I would not be happy about someone passing them a solid banana at that age I really would think they were a bit stupid.

I would be fuuuming!!

She needs to know that she was bang out of order. Your child, your decision. I can only think that these interfering mil's are deluded!!

Sorry - YAB at bit u I'm with CrystalDeCanter on this - not a capital crime - lucky you have an MIL to leave baby with. As for baby's first taste, I never thought of this as a big deal with any of my DC's.

Don't judge me!