To be so angry that MIL fed DS 4month

[PretzelPrincess]

So I left DS who is 4 moths old with MIL just while I popped to the super market, half an hour max. I come back and she's feeding him a banana He's 4 months and I have explicitly said over and over I don't want to give him solids just yet. I'm so angry just thinking about it. I feel totally undermined. Don't trust her with DS anymore. Urghhhhhh.

Haha annie that actually had me laughing! Don't worry, DH adores them and I married him, so it's not an insurmountable flaw!

YANBU. Did she not even mush the banana up? How did the baby manage to chew the banana? Did she sterilise any spoon she put into the baby's mouth?

I would have been fuming and upset with mil if she did this. I agree with others. Just don't leave dc with her anymore. Why grandparents think they can make parental decisions is beyond me.

And If I do say something even slightly confrontational it will turn into a full scale war involving the whole family

see those words again and again and again on MN.

so what, she has crossed a line, your in your rights to bloody well react!

so what if it turns into a war, so what?

Archery

Get off Mumsnet Archery, you disgust me.

Thank you for that link HaroldLloyd it's a really interesting read.

On the subject of the OP, I think your MIL should have respected your wishes! If she thought the baby was hungry surely she could have offered another milk feed? I would be reluctant to leave the baby with MIL alone for quite some time to be honest. If she's ignoring you on this, what else might she ignore you on.

Yanbu unreasonable she should have respected your decisions, next time highlight them even more to her.

My goodness the over reactions on here, it's a banana, not drugs or alcohol! Some of you certainly have ishoos

I would be so so cross!!! YANBU.

But saying that it would depend for me on her reaction. If it's oh god so sorry didn't think won't again etc or so what it's only a banana next time it's going to be steak tartare.

This is key for me, too.

I also agree with IamSlave, so what if asserting your view is going to cause a family rift? As others have said, that says more about the MiL if she chooses to react so badly to a parent expressing a choice over their child's care. Why should we all pussyfoot round the family stropsters?

Like a poster upthread a friend's mil was determined to get gc to eat and fed gc scrambled eggs at 6mths. Gc blue lighted to a & e with anaphalactic (?) shock - egg allergy. It's not about the banana.

We did not leave dd1 with mil as she was adamant that babies would choke if they were put on their backs. Didn't matter that 75% less babies died of cot death on their backs. "I've never heard anything so ridiculous in all my life!" - stock answer to any factual evidence. (Actually, I've never heard anything so ridiculous as some of the stuff coming out of her mouth...)

I know what you mean by WW3 but, seriously, you need to knock this on the head now or it will only get worse. Stand up for your parenting and your child so she stops the undermining.

Ooh, id be fuming!

Was she told not to give the baby egg? As otherwise it would be unfair to be cross with her if she wasnt to know.

I agree that the problem is greater than the banana, if you are unable to make reasonable requests without WW3 starting.

Exactly if nobody knew about the allergy, it found have happened to the parents. If the parents had warned grandparents their dd was allergic to egg and they ignored that, then it's different.

I'd be pretty furious. YANBU.

I think the guidelines for egg at the time were to give just the yolk or white (I forget which) at about 7months, first in case of allergy. No one knew the gc was allergic to eggs as 6mo hadn't ever had them, or much else, before but the mil took gc and insisted on proving she could get her to eat. It shows the guidelines are there for a reason, though.

Sorry, the point I was trying to make was that the mil fed gc egg before it was advised and in a form that was not recommended white and yolk together. Parents would have waited and given dc just a little, not a huge bowl full. Mil was trying to prove that she could get a reluctant weaner to eat when dil couldn't.

Eggs are Ok to give a 6 month old based on current guidelines though. The NHS website suggests boiled and mashed egg, I tried scrambled eggs at that age.

That just sounds unfortunate.

...and based on the BMJ link, the earlier that babies eat solid food, the less likely they are to have allergies in the first place.

Well at the time it was definitely recommended later, and not a whole egg, to minimise allergic reaction.

I seemed to have derailed the thread!

Sorry op. You will have to turn into a stroppy mummy with your mil to show you are in charge.

When I had my son, he was eventually taken off to the nursery so I could get some sleep. They fed him someone else's breastmilk for the first feed he had ever had!! I didn't even get to feed him for the first time. I have never forgotten nor forgiven that hospital.

I agree with Crystal.

OP, the baby is not YOURS to decree everything that will or not happen with him, not if you want him to have a relationship with other family members and not if you want him to benefit from that.

Parenting now seems to be all about the mother's 'wants' and 'needs' and I don't think that's healthy. There are two parents here and whilst you might be feeling a little bit usurped, you're acting as if your MIL has done something truly wrong and not only that, you can't/won't even have a conversation with her like an adult, choosing 'passive aggressive' methods and your husband to wade in.

I understand that you feel you've lost a 'first', but you haven't really, have you? If you just want to see a reaction on his little face when he eats something maybe give him a mild chilli...?

Sorry... I just can't be serious about stuff like this. I fully expect you'll be 'going NC' in the near future and that would be really sad, it doesn't take much to sow seeds of a bad relationship just as it doesn't take that much to try to find common ground, ie. both you and MIL love the baby.

Tango that's bad.