To be sad that, in my lifetime, I will never experience natural childbirth?

[Greyhound]

I am about to turn 45. I am not going to have another baby. My beautiful "miracle" son (born after four miscarriages, three emergency surgeries including an emergency section under a general anaesthetic) is nearly 12 and I am thankful, every day, that he is here.

However, I watch programmes like OBEM and, horrific though some of the natural births seem in terms of pain and trauma, and it hits me - it will never happen and I will never know what it's like to push a baby out and give birth.

My dh didn't want a second child. It caused (and, sometimes, still does) resentment in me.

It's too late now and it has really hit me very hard that I have missed out on an experience I, naively, expected to have.

Why doesn't EMCS count as giving birth?

I've had 3 natural births.
Horrific pain.
Overrated, imo.

Why would you want to?

Agree numpties

Yanbu I guess. You can't help what you want.

Natural birth was always something I dreaded and feared and I was delighted and relieved when I had a c section.

But everyone's different. Some people want the vaginal birth experience and that's ok.

Most (?) women dream of having a baby.

The method do delivery surely isn't important?

Natural childbirth isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Yes I know it's what are bodies are designed for but not every natural birth is a good experience.

I can understand why you'd feel safe about it, it don't let it take over your life. Find the positives.

meant in the kindest way, I have to say, you're being daft. Slap yourself about a bit & enjoy the rest of your evening thinking about other stuff.

I'm sorry you feel upset about it. But you still gave birth to a child, of course you did :).

And FWIW I have mostly forgotten my incredibly painful "natural" births. I know I did have the experience of pushing a baby out, 4 times, but I have no real recollection of those moments. It's just a blur now. What I remember is holding my lovely baby, and you have that memory too - just hold on to that.

I'm the same as you Greyhound. One kid, em lscs, dh didnt want more.

I used to feel really sad that I'd missed out, tearfully sad. Then I became a midwife.

I ain't sad anymore!

I am entirely thankful that I never gave birth vaginally. I've never understood this idea that it wasn't a proper birth if you had intervention etc. I've had two sections for failure to progress. The pain I experienced while trying to progress was more than enough thanks. I wanted to kiss the anaesthetist who gave me my epidural. I've two gorgeous do and I DID give birth to them naturally with a bit of help to stop us all dying.

i see labour as a means to an end not an experience. trust me you havent missed anything.

i think this might be more about the second child that wont be rather than the childbirth.

YABU

I gave birth vaginally three times. Three worst experiences of my life.

It's indulgent of you.

There are women who'd give anything to experience what you went through.

I can kind of see where you are coming from but yes, it is unreasonable to give this much head space.

My natural births went something like this:

It hurts
It hurts
It REALLY HURTS
Forceps
Baby

Part of me would really like one of those chilled out water births you hear about, when it's not pain, it's sensation and there are no metal tongs involved but mostly I'm just grateful we are all here and well.

I understand how you feel OP.

If I hadn't had vaginal births I think I'd feel like I'd missed out on one of life's great experiences.

The same could be said of breastfeeding (and sex I suppose, )

Why doesn't your husband want another child? From what you've said, I wonder if everything you went through in order to give birth to your son has led him to think that trying to have another child just couldn't be worth the risk and pain it might involve for all of you. It's not that he wouldn't want another child for its own sake. Maybe he's just trying to protect you and your son, who he loves above all else.

Obviously this is just random armchair psychology from a stranger on the internet so please disregard if not helpful - and you've probably thought it yourself already. Just trying to help. for your pain.

It's not unreasonable, or indulgent to feel this. I'm sorry you're sad. You did still give birth - don't let anyone tell you otherwise.x

Reading between the lines of your post it sounds like your regret at not having a 2nd is mixed in with your regret at not experiencing 'natural' birth. And I suspect that it wouldn't matter if a million people told you it was horrific to give birth naturally, you will still feel the way you feel. I'm sorry you feel as you do, it must be hard to come to terms with both of those things but that's what you must do ultimately.

There are many many experiences we miss out on in life

Personally, I will never know what it is like to have a cs
I'll never have twins
Or two girls
Or two boys
I'll never be short
I'll never have dainty feet
I won't bring up my young children somewhere rural (and I was SO sure I would) ill never become a vet
I will never know what it's like to be in your twenties and not mentally ill
I will never know what it's like to have a dad isn't a total twat, or indeed a relationship with any kind of dad after the age of ten
I could go on forever playing my tiny violin

What you do experience shapes you into who you are, there will always be something to wish for and something to regret, but you have to balance that out with what you have and find things to strive for that are obtainable.

YABU to watch programmes like OBEM if you are feeling like this. I had a very drawn out, epic birth (also following a lot of problems conceiving), where my DD was born so exhausted she didn't feed for nearly 12 hours and it was all just dreadful (and I had an epidural after a very long labour and she was ventoused out in the end, so maybe not that 'natural' after all). I watched that programme once (it started just after DD was born) and never again have I watched it, it is just too upsetting.

I agree with gobblers is this part of a general think about al the things you're missing out on? I feel a bit like that, when I make one choice I seem to close three other doors. Seems to be a fact of life but I wasn't aware when I was younger

I had one when I was aged 43 and one aged 47, both by section. Happiest days of my life. I cannot believe how lucky I have been. There used to be a huge mortality around childbirth for both mum and child, I just think thank God for modern medicine and my 2 healthy kids and thank God I was alright too.

I can see that natural childbirth must be a wonderful experience in its own way, and having spent 2 1/2 days in labour the first time I sort of feel I have been there to some extent. I was only too happy to find that after the elective Caesarian the second time it was so much easier to recover from the birth!!

I can see that there is a lot of sadness there for you, and I am sorry for that. I wonder whether there might be some counselling available, these are quite profound areas.

YANBU - you feel as you feel. There's no right or wrong about that. Talk about it - don't try to squash it down.

But if it were me, I'd also stop watching programmes that are going to feed that feeling.

I think YANBU. I, too, feel wistful that I'll never have that experience, and sometimes (less as the kids get older, but still on their birthdays) I feel that I somehow had a less 'valid' experience. I know logically it's not true, but it does sometimes feel like I'm excluded from some sort of a club. And with me, it's definitely not about wanting another baby - we've got the number I want. It may be more about the experience of a crash section and all that goes with it, and just wishing it hadn't been that way (twice) rather than actively wanting to have had a vaginal birth, iyswim.