To be sad that, in my lifetime, I will never experience natural childbirth?

[Greyhound]

I am about to turn 45. I am not going to have another baby. My beautiful "miracle" son (born after four miscarriages, three emergency surgeries including an emergency section under a general anaesthetic) is nearly 12 and I am thankful, every day, that he is here.

However, I watch programmes like OBEM and, horrific though some of the natural births seem in terms of pain and trauma, and it hits me - it will never happen and I will never know what it's like to push a baby out and give birth.

My dh didn't want a second child. It caused (and, sometimes, still does) resentment in me.

It's too late now and it has really hit me very hard that I have missed out on an experience I, naively, expected to have.

I'm sorry you feel sad about it

Fwiw I don't remember much anyway, and it was natural so the forgetting was natural iykwim.

I'm envious of my dh being there and remembering becoming a father clearly.

It's overrated.
From someone who has pushed on gas and air.

Not unreasonable at all, but try your hardest not to let the way you gave birth get you down. I had a lovely induction without epidural, and yet I wouldn't say my experience was 'worth' any more than had it been a c-section, emergency or elective. It's still birth. If there was a baby inside and there's now a baby outside, it's birth, and it's wonderful

I watch OBEM with my legs crossed. I mourn for my pre baby fanjo. I guess the grass is always greener.

That isn't to say that your feelings aren't valid. Is it just part of life that we wonder what if...?

"I wanted to witness that amazing moment when she entered the world and feel that instant rush of love that everyone talks about. Isn't that the part you dream about and look forward to for 9 long months?"

This has nothing to do with whether or not you deliver vaginally. After my "natural childbirth" with DS1, I had no instant rush of love because I didn't see him for 2 hours. He was blue and needed resus, I was bleeding from a tear and was rushed straight to theatre. Unfortunately there are no guarantees when it comes to childbirth, natural or otherwise.

I had a vaginal birth. Massively overrated.

If I knew then what I know now I would've gone for an ELCS.

In fact, if or when I have another baby it'll be sunroof all the way. I'm hanging on to my continence by a thread as it is. Another vaginal delivery would finish me.

YANBU. TBH, i think that having had an emcs this time and wanting to experience 'pushing a baby out' is high on the list of reasons why i want another and i know i need to get that straight in my head before i decide whether i really want more children.

I feel this way too, i had two cs due to severe pre-eclampsia. Natural was not an option to me and on the one hand that is fine, natural looks bloody painful on obem. But despite having two children i have never had a contraction, never pushed, it was all quite clinical and with dc1 he was taken straight to neo natal so bonding came much later. I just accept that these feelings are normal and am so grateful that both me and the children survived. I can't help because I've not fully resolved it, but you're neither unreasonable nor alone in this.

why the rush to rubbish the ops regrets? yes, it might not have been as she imagined, but maybe it would have.

Are your children still quite young? when mine were younger i used to feel really cheated that I'd two such natural (no pain relief at all) births. I've let it go now though! a decade on.

The gas and air made me unable to breath so i had no pain relief.

I'll never know what it's like to bring up a family with a loving husband. (Left x when kids v young as he was so awful). That's something that goes through my mind occasionally but also, life is what it is. I wouldn't be as brave and as independent as I've had to be/feel if I was happily married to a great supportive man.

Last time I gave birth, my vagina got destroyed and my bladder has still not recovered 7 years later ! Why ? It could be because the midwife had to stick her fist up my fango really hard to stop the haemorrhage.

When they handed the baby to me she was all cleaned up and wrapped in a towel and I some part of my brain just didn't fully believe that she had come from me. For all I know they could have just handed me any random baby. I felt no instant recognition / rush of love etc

I felt like this with my DD though and she was born vaginally and put straight on my chest all covered in gunk.

I didn't feel a rush of love. I felt stunned and numb and just stared at her like 'WTF?' Until I realised I should probably touch her or hold her or something.

I think the main shock was that I'd been so totally sure I knew what she'd look like and in reality she looked absolutely nothing like I'd imagined.

Anyway, I think very few people have the sort of birth they'd always wanted. I understand why you'd feel sad OP, but it's also not rational. But emotive things like this rarely are.

I had a discussion similar to this with a friend of mine. I'm the same age as you, OP and had my DD a few years ago by EMCS
My friend is 30 and has recently had a baby, also by EMCS as the baby was large, and back to back. Baby was 10lb, friend is a size 6!
She was telling me how she felt deprived of a 'natural' birth.
I could only respond to say that it didn't bother me in the least. Both our babies were in situations where for the health of both mother and child, intervention was necessary.
I'm sorry that you feel that you've missed out. But I don't think watching OBEM is going to ease that pain for you.
Perhaps it's something you could see whether there is any counselling available to help you deal with these feelings.

Perhaps better focusing on how resilient you are having gone through several losses and stressful medical interventions before the birth of your miracle DS. Many would find your strength and perseverance inspirational.

Totally agree that delivery is hugely overrated - all that really counts is the arrival of a (hopefully healthy) little baby.

I would understand feeling sad that you won't have another baby, but not sad about the whole delivery lark.

(from someone with one dd, three traumatic deliveries, and will be requesting a c-section if the need arises in future!!).

I can relate to you, OP. I've had 2 EMCS without labour, 2 m/c requiring surgery, 2 premature babies who required NICU.

I've never had a normal pregnancy to term., a contraction, been able to hold a baby, or take a baby home with me. I've never been able to breast feed, despite huge effort.

Whilst I think part of me mourns the experience I've never had, I guess it is what it is & I can't change it.

A pediatrician I work with (male) once told me that vaginal delivery is like 'setting a bomb in your fanny'. Never keen before, less so now. Will buy one when the time's right.

'will buy one when the time is right'

Oh Greyhound! Are you sure this is an aibu?

But no of course yanbu to be sad, I do understand. I had a crash c-section under GA for dc1 (13 years ago), followed by an elective for dc2.

The way I get round my sadness about this is to not watch programmes about childbirth. Am not being flippant - this is what I do not to upset myself too much.

Guessing that paediatrician was a man??

Yanbu and this is why so many women push for vbacs including myself.

I am thankful that I have had a vaginal birth. Sadly, my DD died. It felt like one of the only things I could do for her and I will forever be proud of myself.

My DS was delivered by CS. Forever grateful that he is here alive.

I still want a vbac for my next baby.

horrendous pain !!!

the miswife said oh you won't feel the placenta that fuckin hurt too!!!!

*even midwife

And I can't watch obem, it brings up too many upsetting emotions. Suggest maybe you stop too.

Stealth Guessing that paediatrician was a man??

I think that's what (male) means? Maybe not...