To be sad that, in my lifetime, I will never experience natural childbirth?

[Greyhound]

I am about to turn 45. I am not going to have another baby. My beautiful "miracle" son (born after four miscarriages, three emergency surgeries including an emergency section under a general anaesthetic) is nearly 12 and I am thankful, every day, that he is here.

However, I watch programmes like OBEM and, horrific though some of the natural births seem in terms of pain and trauma, and it hits me - it will never happen and I will never know what it's like to push a baby out and give birth.

My dh didn't want a second child. It caused (and, sometimes, still does) resentment in me.

It's too late now and it has really hit me very hard that I have missed out on an experience I, naively, expected to have.

Massively regret not insisting on a Caesarian section. He first time. Having c section next time.
Worst experience ever. Seriously it is overrated.

It's so over-rated. With a 'natural birth' you get up to several days of the worst pain you'll ever imagine, with no pain relief greater than a paracetamol for most of it. Then after the birth, you can't walk properly for a little while due to bruising and any stitches you might have. Pros are that the pain is before the baby arrives, the rush of hormones post-births makes you 'forget' quite how bad it was, and you can lift/drive afterwards. With a CS, you get the pain after the baby arrives, and can't lift/drive for a bit. That's about it. The important thing is getting the baby out safely, preferably leaving you in a reasonable state afterwards. That's about it.

As someone who squeezed a baby out between my legs, I can't really say it was an enjoyable experience. I'm not trying to be rude, but how you give birth really wouldn't affect how you raise a child would it? If you gave birth to your son vaginally, you would have still raised him the same, wouldn't you?

My mum felt like this for a long time, she had three csections. YANBU if that's how you feel, because it's not something you can control. But mum said she recognised it was wider issues that made her feel tha way, when she dealt with the she gained new perspective on it all.

I was also convinced DD was a poo. She was almost born into a bedpan. I'd spent the last hour trying to push the poo back up by squeezing my arse cheeks together, I was that terrified of pooing in front of everyone. Finaly told them I needed a poo, they examined me and realised I had probably been 10cm dilated, trying to push DD back up the birth canal and calling my baby a giant poo for an hour.

It is neither glamorous nor dignified. The fact I tore so badly the doctor flinched makes me feel it isn't really natural either

People will try to minimise your feelings about this but it is a perfectly reasonable thing to be sad about, however it would be unreasonable not to deal with the feelings and let it spoil your enjoyment of life.

When I'm feeling regretful I try to focus on the positives in life, sometimes just writing a short list each day of the positive things in life, then eventually my mind switches into concentrating on what I have rather than what I don't.

I've had 3 sections. I'm delighted I've never experienced natural childbirth. I'm even more delighted that DC1 and I didn't die with me trying to push her out which is what would probably have happened if I hadn't had a section. The point is a healthy baby not winning some macho trial of strength and stamina.

YANBU. I think it is only natural to wonder. I wanted a natural birth because I am curious by nature and I wanted to know what it would feel like. And I was lucky (because it is luck) to have a reasonably quick and straightforward birth with no pain relief that I would even go as far as to say I enjoyed. And I make a massive fuss over stubbing my toe so not the stoic type, I surprised myself.

But then there was breastfeeding. I just couldn't do it and I spent the first 3 weeks of DS's life in tears, expressing in every spare moment and having an astonishing variety of midwives, health visitors, friends and even a private lactation consultant manhandling my very large and uncooperative norks. It was painful and humiliating and it preoccupied my every waking moment (which at that stage was pretty much ALL moments). In the end my milk dried up, I gave up and I felt awful about it for months. People would say how lovely it was, how they bonded etc with their DC and I would feel so sad. I felt as though I had bonded with DS but something was surely missing?

I don't think that now. He is a healthy toddler, I adore him and he adores me. I'll always wonder how lovely it might have been but in the grand scheme of how wonderful my life is for having him, it just doesn't matter. I am just so grateful that after a long road to pregnancy we had him. I wish I hadn't spent the first three weeks of his life struggling and crying and not enjoying him but hey ho. Just try to enjoy your wonderful DS and not dwell on these feelings, which are understandable, too much.

I hear you op. But fuck me am I relieved I'm having an elective c section next time round!

Natural childbirth is so overrated.

I did it, it hurt more than I could ever have imagined and tore so badly I'll beg for a section next time (if I'm ever brave enough to face a second pregnancy).

it always happens with childbirth threads, but i wish posters could accept other people's feelings and not trash it

For me vaginal childbirth was awful and elcs so much better. But childbirth is a means to an end - a bit like the wedding to a marriage. Not having any more children is a different situation and I can understand your sadness about that.

Yabu.

People will try to minimise your feelings about this but it is a perfectly reasonable thing to be sad about, however it would be unreasonable not to deal with the feelings and let it spoil your enjoyment of life.

When I'm feeling regretful I try to focus on the positives in life, sometimes just writing a short list each day of the positive things in life, then eventually my mind switches into concentrating on what I have rather than what I don't.

I wish I hadn't experienced 'natural' birth: it was absolutely the most upsetting and dreadful experience ever. Bloody loved my C section.

Sorry about the double post I'd actually written a whole different one and then my phone did something odd.

I don't believe the societal pressure to have a natural birth line that gets trotted out on these threads. I've always found most people are horrified when you state a preference for a drug free doctor free birth. Mention a home birth and people start inferring that you don't care about your baby's welfare.

What I do think is that threads about childbirth are generally very uncomfortable reading because it seems to be an experience that a lot of women struggle to empathise about. Possibly because it's such a personal and unique to the individual experience.

its almost impossible to post about an amazing birth experience - you get jumped on

Thanks all - I'm sorry if I annoyed anyone.

For those of you who long to be pregnant and have a baby - I really feel for you and am cross with myself for being the kind of whining woman who drove me mad by complaining about their childbirth. I was insensitive - I am sorry.

For those who suffered physically and/or psychologically from natural childbirth - I am sad and concerned that you have to cope with that.

My main feeling was that, although I am infinitely lucky and happy that I had a healthy baby, I felt I didn't experience an event that I naively thought I would experience.

I had 3 completely amazing birth experiences. It gets right on my tits when some people try to imply they were somehow lesser experiences than those of people who were lucky enough or foolhardy enough to do it drug free and doctor free.

Oh didn't realise we were talking about drug free births. I just thought it meant vaginal as opposed to section.

I haven't had and wouldn't want a drug free vaginal birth.

I had a 'natural' birth. I say natural but tbh it was anything but natural. 3 times they tried to suction him out before he was dragged out by forceps. He had burns from the suction, cuts from the forceps and he wasn't breathing. It was the most horrendous, painful experience of my life and I would never do it again.

What you want is something you might never get no matter how many times you try, the delivery is just the means to an end.

You are entitled to your feelings. I think you are possibly more regretting the lack of choice you had in all this. Considering your miscarriages and your dh stopping a second child ( probably for good intentions towards you) I'm not surprised you feel sad. When so many people are able to plan how many children they have without complications, of course you are entitled to have your moments of sadness. Maybe you are focussing on the natural birth process as it is because of your difficulties that you could not choose to have a second.
Who knows, you may have wanted one child anyway, but that's different from being able to actively own that decision.
So no, YANBU.
You already love and cherish what you have, so you don't need us to tell you that. As far as the technical detail, at least you were able to carry your child and be his birth mother, if that makes sense.
Try not to be too sad, but allow yourself the right to be a bit disappointed, and you may be able to move on .