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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am i being unreasonable to not be ok with my husband going to a strip club?

374 replies

cocktail82 · 03/07/2014 13:43

Next weekend my husband is going on a stag do, and one of the nights the activity is going to a strip club. I hate the idea of him going there and oogling all these half naked woman and putting his hand in his pocket and paying for a dance. It just feels like some sort of legalised cheating to me, but he said its just how stag dos are these days, and do I expect him to wait outside whilst the others go in?!

Of course I dont, but would like to think all of the married men on the stag do would have a bit more respect for their wives and say they will go somewhere else and meet them later or something, am I being unreasonable to be upset about this?

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 05/07/2014 12:42

So her new found confidence is about her having a job, not about her being a stripper? Hmm

ILoveCoreyHaim · 05/07/2014 12:59

Its not new found, she has done it for over 2 years so if she didn't like it im sure she would do something else by now.

She enjoys it and she looks forward to going to work. She enjoys her job, is not forced to do her job and if she wanted to leave she could.

yes, at first i think it boosted her confidence earning her own money and looking after herself, being able to wear what she wanted, buy what she wanted and put make up on if she wanted to instead of being kept regardless of taking her clothes off.

Hakluyt · 05/07/2014 13:15

It would be perfectly possible to argue that after being in an abusive relationship the very last thing she should be doing is working in a job that depends exclusively on male approval............

AgathaF · 05/07/2014 13:20

I wonder if she would be even more confident if she didn't have such a degrading job.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 05/07/2014 13:24

Anyfucker, i think its the opposite. I think she enjoys taking money off the sad bastards who go in. She said some of them pay for 4 dances run out of money then come back after going to the cashpoint. She said god knows what they think the next morning when they wake up alone with no money and think about what they have wasted. Some have asked to buy her shoes for stupid money and a regular has a foot fetish. Hes not bothered about looking at anything else apart from her feet and there's only 2 girls in the clubs feet he likes, she says shes thats one thing shes a a bit iffy with as she hates feet even her own.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 05/07/2014 13:36

Its not just males who go in, a lot of woman also use the club, hen parties, stag parties and regulars. She has a couple of regulars who are woman. She also has woman who go in who must want to see what its all about possibly because they are thinking about doing yet.

yes there's all sorts of reasons you could argue about regarding why she does it or why she shouldn't be doing it but as she's an adult, choose to do it in the first place by looking for and calling a club without anyone making her, says and appears to enjoy going to work and is still there 2 years later even after meeting a lovely partner who am i to argue with her. She was my friend before doing it and im not going to disown her for doing something i wouldn't do.

Metalgoddess · 05/07/2014 13:55

It would be a dealbreaker for me, in my opinion it's cheating

PhaedraIsMyName · 05/07/2014 14:17

IloveCoryHaim you said

"i think its the opposite. I think she enjoys taking money off the sad bastards who go in"

So basically she's boosting her confidence at the expense of clients she despises.

My clients pay quite a lot of money for my services which I perform fully clothed and I don't think they are sad bastards.

Your comment really highlights what the problem is with the sex industry; mutual contempt on both sides.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 05/07/2014 14:23

I said they were sad bastard, i think they are especially the ones who go in and spend 100s of pounds. I said i think she enjoys taking money off the sad bastards not she said they are. She said

ILoveCoreyHaim · 05/07/2014 14:25

Oops

I said

She said god knows what they think the next morning when they wake up alone with no money and think about what they have wasted.

I said they are sad bastards. Shes never said she despises them but queries why they do it.

PhaedraIsMyName · 05/07/2014 14:32

IloveCoreyHaim I don't think there is much of a distinction. Just about everything I've read about the sex industry suggests the providers hate the customers and vice versa.

I'd never say of my job "god knows what they think the next morning when they wake up alone with no money and think about what they have wasted" and I'm struggling to think of any other industry where one would.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 05/07/2014 14:33

My clients pay quite a lot of money for my services which I perform fully clothed and I don't think they are sad bastards.

Do you enjoy taking money from them?

PhaedraIsMyName · 05/07/2014 14:34

Oh and no-one here has made the slightest suggestion you should disown your friend.

PhaedraIsMyName · 05/07/2014 14:36

I neither enjoy nor dislike taking money from them. It's a ridiculous comment. It implies glee that I've somehow pulled a fast one on them.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 05/07/2014 14:37

Idk if she hates them all or if they hate her, i dont think so as she has regulars and she has some she feels quite sorry for. When they go every week she does get to know some of them

ILoveCoreyHaim · 05/07/2014 14:39

Its not a ridiculous comment. Most people like earning money regardless of how they make it, fully clothed or not.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 05/07/2014 14:43

We get it, we all know there are some happy lap dancers.

That doesn't mean that the lapdancing industry does a positive thing for women in general.

PhaedraIsMyName · 05/07/2014 14:44

I don't take delight as your friend apparently does in pondering thatcmy clients will wake up alone with no money thinking about what they have wasted.

That's a far cry from doing a job well,providing a service a client needs and appreciates and being paid for it.

LaQueenLovesJune · 05/07/2014 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 05/07/2014 14:47

I thought the fashion for them had passed about 10 years ago.

(It might be that I haven't known any 'stags' for 10 years though.)

ILoveCoreyHaim · 05/07/2014 14:59

LaQueen. Thats the exact impression i get from my friend about what her works like and what goes on. I have been myself briefly for a drink and there seems to be mainly stag dos or groups of lads on nights out. If they want a dance they are taken to another part of the club. The girls take turns to dance on podiums behind a rail. Strictly no touching the girls.

Its an expensive night out imo. Entrance fee and inflated drinks prices. They are not going to get sex, if someone wants sex its probably a lot cheaper to go elsewhere and pay for sex.

The regulars i get curious about who are paying 100s for dances and not getting much out of it. Maybe they cant perform or lack social skills so find it a discreet way of getting female company

ILoveCoreyHaim · 05/07/2014 15:20

I don't take delight as your friend apparently does in pondering thatcmy clients will wake up alone with no money thinking about what they have wasted.

I didn't say she takes delight, i said she wonders what some of them think the next day when they have spent loads of money and woke up with nothing, these tend to be her regulars who go in often and see the same girls, i think your twisting what i am saying tbf. She enjoys taking money from them, the money she has earned and is therefore hers, the same as the money you earn and take from clients for doing your job. I said this might have something to do with her ex controlling her money. Maybe its not maybe she does just enjoy taking the money they have agreed to pay for her service, they are not conned into it and know fine well what they get for whatever service they have asked to buy. I think its £25 for a 3 min private dance. However long a song lasts. This is what thy have asked for, get and pay for.

PhaedraIsMyName · 05/07/2014 15:40

This is going to sound po- faced but thinking on it "enjoying taking money off them" simply does not describe how I think of my clients.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 05/07/2014 15:57

Yes but you have very different clients. Maybe you need to have a working relationship with them. Many people i can think of enjoy taking money they have earned off people. My boss takes great pleasure in docking my wages a few quid whilst telling me off even though hes a millionaire and pays me minimum wage for doing and incredibly hard, physical job where mistakes happen due to being understaffed and extremely busy knowing its a genuine mistake. If the tills down he divides it by 2 and takes it off my wages as one of us have lost him money. Sometimes i think if i was a few years younger.. On that note im away to work

Darkesteyes · 05/07/2014 16:49

Corey im not entirely sure what your boss is doing is legal.