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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that identical twin children should not be dressed the same?

259 replies

nutdust · 26/06/2014 19:16

so, declaring my interest, i have identical twins and absolutely never dress them the same, for lots of reasons but mainly to help others identify who is who & to foster their individuality.
i'm not, & have never been in two minds about this decision, so the reason i'm posting is because i'm really curious to find out what others think when they see identical twins dressed exactly the same, because it makes me immediately want to tap the parents on the shoulder & ask them why on earth they are doing this, i.e. further emphasising their sameness & making them look like a cutesy side-show. there are long-term studies that evidence the unhelpful impact this has on the twin children. that trouble is, the twin parent community is a very polite one & there is never an opportunity to just ask; 'so why the hell do you dress your kids to look exactly the same?!'
so, what do you think? does it not even register or do you feel agrieved on behalf of the twins?

OP posts:
Rhubarbgarden · 27/06/2014 10:35

Two similar outfits hung/folded together in the wardrobe can be time saving.

How? Surely in the baby days you just have a pile of babygrows; dress one child in the one on the top of the pile, dress next child in next one down. How is it easier to have to pair them up?

broomseed · 27/06/2014 10:37

"To me, I think my desire to forge independence in them would trump their freedom of choice - IN THIS SITUATION."

Grin

There some stats (they used to be linked on twinsclub, one set) that show forcing twins to be 'individual' can have quite the opposite effect, and they're more likely to achieve this naturally by being allowed to make their own decisions independently.

broomseed · 27/06/2014 10:39

You'd have to ask the parents, Rhubarb. It must work for them.

2boys1girlNoPeace · 27/06/2014 10:39

If you never buy matching outfits from the word go, it's not going to occur to them to want to do that, is it?

A friend of mine has 2 girls, not twins, about I think about 12-13 months apart. She never bought matching clothes, neither did anyone else. When she took them shopping one day though, they both wanted the same tshirt, which she bought, they then always wore them at the same time, older girl wouldn't wear hers unless younger one was too.
So yes, it does still occur to them to do that.

My boys were bought matching clothes by my MIL, I never bought anything matching, though I did buy similar, i.e the same top but one in green and one in blue.
99% of their baby photos of them are in separate outfits, occasionally a particular outfit suited them so much I would put them both in it.
As they hit the age where they like to choose for themselves, between 2-3 all pics have them in the same outfit, between 3-4 it was probably more 80/20 in favour of matching, 4-5 (first year of school) they were back to probably 95% matching 5-6 when Twin A had a terrible teacher they were 100% matching again as Twin A used it as a coping mechanism and either Twin B didn't mind it, or allowed it to happen as his brother needed it.
6-present, most photos are separate outfits again, but we can have a week or two of matching, then 4 weeks of not. It simply depends on their mood

2boys1girlNoPeace · 27/06/2014 10:42

GoofyGoober
When we told everyone I was pregnant with DD, everyone asked me if I was having twins again. Nope, I made sure of that. Poor sonographer had to double check at every scan haha

broomseed · 27/06/2014 10:43

Yes it certainly can occur to them to want to dress the same if you haven't had matching outfits from the word go. I didn't have matching outfits from the outset, as I said up thread, but they sometimes chose to dress the same. Now they rarely dress exactly the same but will wear similar outfits.

catnipkitty · 27/06/2014 10:44

Not had time to read the other posts. I have ID twin girls who are now 9. They were ALWAYS dressed differently. It is NOT cute to dress them the same - they're not dolls to be used for our amusement. And if people can't tell them apart how can they feel like individuals?? As you can tell I feel very strongly about this. When I see any siblings dressed in identical clothes I just think 'why would they do that?' and even more so for ID twins. My girls now have a very distinct sense of their own style. One is a tom boy with a short hair cut, wears shorts, tracky bottoms, the other has long hair and prefers leggings and dresses.

bonkersLFDT20 · 27/06/2014 10:51

broom that's really interesting and just the sort of thing I'd like to learn more about. Do you know where I can find the research?

I'm a molecular biologist by profession and have always been interested in genetics, so twin studies fascinate me.

broomseed · 27/06/2014 10:51

Maybe you should read the thread first, Catnip. People aren't just doing it to be cute, and many think the twins themselves ought to have a say.

People (strangers) couldn't tell my twins apart wearing different outfits. "Which twin is wearing which outfit?" I'd be asked every time, and they would forget that 'red dress twin' was called Evie (example, not real name).

You'd have to know my twins really well to be able to tell them apart from their tone of voice, personality or expressions. Only their best friends and closest family can do this. I actually find people make more of an effort to discover these subtle differences if they have to, because they're wearing a uniform.

broomseed · 27/06/2014 10:52

I'll have a look for it. It used to be linked on one of the twinsclubs but no longer seems to be there.

Notso · 27/06/2014 11:01

Surely though catnipkitty most parents dress their little children solely in clothes that they think they would look cute/nice in until the children get a say in the matter.
I wouldn't look at a t-shirt and think that wouldn't suit 2yo DS3's colouring but I'll buy it because he's not a doll after all. I choose what I think he will look good in which is totally a personal thing.

NCISaddict · 27/06/2014 11:29

Broom That's really interesting, I wonder if that's what happened to my triplet friends, they were forced to be different from the word go and have struggled with being individuals ever since.
My sister and I (two years apart and look very similar) were often dressed the same as children and are very individual now, very good friends but dress and behave very differently. Disclaimer I realise that this is purely anecdotal.

Would be interesting to read the research.

happygirl87 · 27/06/2014 12:01

My DNS are twins, and SIL dresses them differently, which I really respect. However they are 9months so don't have favourite colours etc yet, and if I see a really nice dress I never know which one Id give it to! Will be much easier when one prefers purple and one green, or one likes teddies and the other likes cars, or whatever- but right now I tend not to buy them clothes because Id feel bad giving one the dress I loved and the other a dress I quite liked IYSWIM? So wish I could buy two dresses the same (to either be worn with different cardis/tights/hair grips or to be worn on different days!) But I know SIL would hate this.

chocadoobee · 27/06/2014 13:28

I really dislike seeing twins dressed the same. I find it really creepy.

My mum used to dress my sister and me exactly the same, there was a year's difference between us. I absolutely detested it but my mum wouldn't let us dress differently.

Retropear · 27/06/2014 14:01

Broom the vast maj of kids I know would never,ever have wanted to be dressed the same as their siblings.If parents never start doing it it will never be an option as indentikit clothes will never be in the house.

Clearly some parents do start doing it for themselves and I also wonder if a lot of kids are forced into it.

There is zero need to do it ever.If I can manage soft play with my 3 under 15 months all of whom were runners anybody can.Posters use it as a lame excuse.

broomseed · 27/06/2014 14:12

"If parents never start doing it it will never be an option as indentikit clothes will never be in the house."

Have you read the full thread?

Well I didn't start by doing it, and am guessing I'm not alone in this. And I didn't have 'identikit' clothing in the house Shock Who does?

broomseed · 27/06/2014 14:14

I'll have a good look for that study later. I had a very quick look and there are so many studies/stats about twins that I couldn't find immediately.

bonkersLFDT20 · 27/06/2014 14:19

Thanks broom.

donkir · 27/06/2014 14:21

I hate seeing it. No thought or originality at all. It's not cute! My ex (father if my ds 12) dresses him the same as his 8yr old ds for special occasions. My ds hates it not just because he gets embarrassed but what 12 yr old wants to dress like an 8 yr old?

Retropear · 27/06/2014 14:26

You can always so no,you are an individual,people don't go round dressed the same....

And yes I did read the thread many admit to doing it when younger.

broomseed · 27/06/2014 15:01

Yes I am an individual, as are my children. I can say no, and do to the important things, but they're old enough now to choose their own clothes and I don't wish to inhibit their choices and freedom of expression Grin

Retropear · 27/06/2014 15:12

It's sad they've been brought up to think dressing the same as their sibling is desirable.

broomseed · 27/06/2014 15:18

Are you addressing me, retropear? I hope not.

If so, they haven't been brought up to think any such thing. And they weren't ever dressed identically by me.

Also, reading my posts, they don't dress the same, they sometimes dress similarly. There is a difference.

broomseed · 27/06/2014 15:20

Oh, they do wear the same, as does everybody, when they have to wear compulsory uniforms. Obviously. But they have their hair styled differently. I've said all this...

I don't, and wouldn't, judge those parents, or twins, who do dress the same, however.

feesh · 27/06/2014 15:25

I have a friend with non-ID twin girls who ALWAYS dresses them identically. I believe it's an outward symptom of the clinical anxiety she suffers from. She is completely obsessed with them being treated the same and that extends through everything she does with them e.g one of them is chubby, one is skinny and she's always trying to fatten the skinny one up so they're both the same. It's quite sad really. She has a lot of issues and it gets projected onto the girls.