to think that identical twin children should not be dressed the same?

[nutdust]

so, declaring my interest, i have identical twins and absolutely never dress them the same, for lots of reasons but mainly to help others identify who is who & to foster their individuality.
i'm not, & have never been in two minds about this decision, so the reason i'm posting is because i'm really curious to find out what others think when they see identical twins dressed exactly the same, because it makes me immediately want to tap the parents on the shoulder & ask them why on earth they are doing this, i.e. further emphasising their sameness & making them look like a cutesy side-show. there are long-term studies that evidence the unhelpful impact this has on the twin children. that trouble is, the twin parent community is a very polite one & there is never an opportunity to just ask; 'so why the hell do you dress your kids to look exactly the same?!'
so, what do you think? does it not even register or do you feel agrieved on behalf of the twins?

Messed up and controlling,hmm I'm happy with saying no to my dc,I say it a lot.My dd wants her ears pierced- that would be a big fat no.

I'd say no to masses of clothes I see out and about as I'm her mother and my job is to guide.

Children can have choice and boundaries.Looking identical to a sibling is one of my boundaries and discouraged.

I'm proud that I give all my children freedom of choice, and I LOVE the bond they have.
I'm proud that I have more self worth than to start doubting my parenting on the basis of someone else hoicking up the judgypants.
I'm done being rational.
My kids dress the same when they feel like it. So there....
Big woop! They are healthy, happy, well behaved children. They are individual people regardless of their clothing. They are not abused nor neglected... They are not nasty spoilt brats, despite my allowing them to get their own way regarding clothing.

Who knew this subject could bring so much passion HAHA

Messed up and controlling,hmm I'm happy with saying no to my dc,I say it a lot.My dd wants her ears pierced- that would be a big fat no.

I'd say no to masses of clothes I see out and about as I'm her mother and my job is to guide.

Children can have choice and boundaries.Looking identical to a sibling is one of my boundaries and discouraged.

And that's your prerogative, you are the parent.
BUT in the same breath, I am the parent to my children, and I will parent as I see fit. If you feel that allowing my children to dress the same is 'terrible' parenting but so be it... But to me 'terrible' parenting is more like abuse and neglect, but hey ho, horses for courses and all that

*then so be it. Not but

Wow, some strong opinions on this! As I said earlier, I loved looking like my twin when we were small and now that I am an adult, I don't feel at all damaged. We chose similar styles.

A relative once told my DTS off for choosing the same sunglasses, stating 'they will look the same!' Well, with or without clothes and sunglasses, they ARE identical. Should they choose the same styles - then who actually cares? Let them be who they choose to be for the love of God!

We never intentionally dress ours the same. Sometimes they choose to do it themselves (or the best they can manage given we rarely have two sets of the same clothes) - but rarely.

pointless ramble... I'm not a twin but my mother used to sometimes dress me and my younger sister in the same outfit. We loved it. Made us feel really good. Not sure why, but I was very proud of my little sister so maybe that's the reason - I liked being identified as belonging together.

My Godmother is an ID twin. No idea if they were dressed the same as kids but as adults, living in different cities on different side of the country, they often bought the same clothes without realising it until they arranged to meet each other and turned up in the same outfit.

Was hilarious for us as kids, seeing these two older ladies (old enough to be my Mother's Mother/Aunt) argue about how tall they were. 'We're 5'6"!' 'No, I think you'll find we're 5'5"!). And both taking off their hats and patting their hair with exactly the same gestures.

Sadly twin2 died six years ago - my Godmother says she's never felt so lonely, and that includes when she was widowed (twice).

Goofy
Like you, I highly doubt my boys will be 'damaged' in later life, but if they are, I promise to pay for the therapy. Maybe that will help ease the nay sayers minds a bit

*I still really don't understand the judgement for something so insignificant, and doesn't affect them :/

Just gonna put this out there - in my town, there are two middle aged twin men who are regularly seen walking around town - they wear exactly the same outfit, glasses, shoes, hairstyle, carry the same plastic bag in the same side hand, walk with the same left/right foot, and work in the same office. Never seen apart. Anyone who lives in my town will know these men. A good reminder to treat my twins as individuals, and to not fuck them up!

I can't see the point in buying two of everything, I think I'd buy one of something and let them share it if they wanted to. That said, I know one mother of ID twins and she doesn't buy them their own clothes - they have one of everything (but twice as many) and they share all of their clothes except undies, pjs and shoes.

I have identical triplets and have never dressed them the same, particularly at school to avoid confusing everyone. My girls are now in their early teens and although they like the same things they have always been treated as individuals and have always looked and acted as individuals. They have separate interests and friendship groups which is healthy.

I'm and at the strong opinions.

I find it quite sad to think that some parents are actively discouraging their ID twins against looking the same - but why is it a bad thing? Aren't they identical? Why are we telling them that looking the same is wrong? They are born that way. If they like the same things, why is that wrong? If my two choose the same item of clothing, then they'll probably wear it at different times. Sometimes they will go out looking the same.

As I said to the relative who moaned about the DTs same choice of sunglasses - why tell them that looking the same is wrong? They were born that way. As an ID twin myself, this thread has made feel

I can see both sides to be honest, whilst I do think twin babies look cute dressed the same but as they get older I do think k they should be encouraged to be more individual

As a former teacher and guider it is a nightmare to tell them apart even dressed differently but it at least gives you a fighting chance!

Retro, you used the 'c' word You do know what they say about people who use that word?

I'm going to quote an old poster, partially anyway

"Someone who uses the word 'chav' is one rung higher than a chav on the social ladder, being inarticulate, poorly educated and desperate not to be considered a chav. Working class. They'd have a Kayleigh and a Liam."

Not that that applies to Retro! Ahem.

Sorry to disappoint but not me I'm afraid.

I have no doubt

I'm a non-ID twin, but my sister and I look v alike. Mum cut my hair before we started school so that the school would be able to tell us apart. I hated it, not because we didn't match but because I thought long hair was prettier. We were rarely dressed identically, but we did often have the same item in different colours. Mine were always red and DSis's were always blue. Mum felt very strongly that we ought to be seen as individuals so she wasn't keen on ID clothes. That said, we did have some - same shoes etc, and we shared underwear/socks and school shirts until we left home. Mostly, though, we had eg a black wool coat in slightly different styles.

Mum also hated us being addressed as 'the twins' or 'twinnies'. We were much less bothered than she was!

As teenagers we and our best friends would frequently wear similar outfits in different colours. It was the 90s, so think flared low- rise jeans and the same Topshop cropped vest, one pink, one blue, one white, one red. We grew out of it!

I have id twin girls. Would never dress them the same. The more recent twin books I've read advise against it. To answer the poster above - the fact that they look the same is the reason why you shouldn't dress them the same imo, not the reason you should! Because it's not good for anyone's sense of self to be considered or consider oneself as part of a unit, as not an individual. But I think it's different for two sisters with an age gap to be dressed the same because that problem won't arise.

Last year I saw male identical twins who looked around 40. They were dressed identically, right down to shoes and sunglasses.

When I saw them they were both texting on an iPhone and standing in exactly the same pose...I'm sure there must have been a hidden camera somewhere...

In my own experience (would be interested to hear if others have found similar). It's more likely to be those with non id twins, even boy/girl twins who do the identical dressing or matching outfits, or the "Yes, we're twins!" T shirts.

(OP here)
fuck me, i wish i'd never asked...
what was that i said about twin parents being polite?!