to think that identical twin children should not be dressed the same?

[nutdust]

so, declaring my interest, i have identical twins and absolutely never dress them the same, for lots of reasons but mainly to help others identify who is who & to foster their individuality.
i'm not, & have never been in two minds about this decision, so the reason i'm posting is because i'm really curious to find out what others think when they see identical twins dressed exactly the same, because it makes me immediately want to tap the parents on the shoulder & ask them why on earth they are doing this, i.e. further emphasising their sameness & making them look like a cutesy side-show. there are long-term studies that evidence the unhelpful impact this has on the twin children. that trouble is, the twin parent community is a very polite one & there is never an opportunity to just ask; 'so why the hell do you dress your kids to look exactly the same?!'
so, what do you think? does it not even register or do you feel agrieved on behalf of the twins?

[Cranfieldmc]

I used to dress my twin girls in different clothes when they were younger (with some articles the same e.g. Same coats as these had been bought by my MIL in the same style) for the reasons you mention - I was not interested in emphasising their twinness for others to gawk at. From about the age of 3 buying them different items started to result in tantrums from one of the girls, so I had to be very careful whenever I bought non-matching items. Now they are six they are going through a strange stage where they choose to dress identically (even down to their knickers). It's a sort of style statement, as they are definitely individuals and not extensions of each other. I think all children (including identical twins) are different; what may be right for one child or set of children is not right for another.

[KnickyKnacky]

I have b/g twins so obviously don't dress them the same. It's weird, we have had gifts of matching (or coordinated) as gifts when they were tiny. I find the whole idea quite creepy tbh.

I have a few friends with twins and only one of them (out of 8 I know) dresses her id girls the same. You can never tell which is which and she always refers to them as 'The girls', never ever their names yet she does with her older DD. She talks about 'DD1 and the girls'.

2 children, 2 different people and identities. Lumping them into one unit makes me sad.

[m0therofdragons]

Perhaps you can explain to my almost 3 year old dtds that they should choose different clothing. I allow them to be individuals - this means I let them choose clothing to a degree and often they want the same. Sometimes they like different clothes. They interestingly always choose different shoes but party dresses they will regularly choose the same. Also, in the park I find it easier to remember one out fit than two - not sure why but I do find it easier to spot them in the same clothing.

My girls have very individual personalities but similar clothing tastes. Sometimes I find a really pretty dress but all the others in the shop aren't as nice... do I buy 2 of the dress I love or one of the dress I'm not keen on then pick a child to wear the nice one and the other wear the not so nice one?

Even when dressed differently people have no clue which is which anyway.

Finally, fabric doesn't define my girls. I did say I wouldn't dress them the same but for many reasons often do. Sometimes because it's quick and easy to choose 1 outfit for the weather than figuring out 2, only for dc to dissolve into tears because they both want to wear the same thing.

Overall, I have come to realise, it is a non issue and really unimportant when it comes to individualism.

[m0therofdragons]

Oh dear, I call dtds the girls and dd1 her name, not because they are a unit but because it's when I'm referring to something relevant to them both. The girls isn't clear if I'm talking about dtds and dd or just dtds or one dtd and dd, so for clarity I call dtds "the girls" and dd1 her name. It saves a few syllables. As I said previously, my dtds are very clear in their characters and very confident. Maybe you wouldn't do that but it doesn't mean what I do is wrong, works for me and my family.

[montysma1]

I have nearly 6 year old ID girls. I actually think that dressing twins the same is some desparate need for attention on the part of the parent. LOOK, I HAVE TWINS, ARENT I SPECIAL. JUST IN CASE YOU FAILED TO NOTICE, I HAVE DRESSED THEM THE SAME.
Its horrible, they are separate individuals. I dont have twins, I have two daughters. They are not dolls, accessories or a circus act. They will spend end their lives being lumped together. They will spend their lives where twinness is the most interesting thing about them to most people,whatever else they achieve in life. Why bloody exacerbate that?
Mine have different favourite colours and things or claim to. I encourage that and everybody gets one her yellow stuff and the other gets pink stuff.It is very important to both of them that they like different things and are good at different things and that should be encouraged.
Sending them out like little clones, just weird.

[flixybelle]

My mum use to dress my sister and I the same and I hated it. When my dd2 was born dd1 wanted to wear matching clothes so I let her occasionally. Now they are 7 and 4 they love dressing the same (even though they are like chalk and cheese)but if/when one of them no longer wants to it will stop.
DD2 has 2 sets of Identical twins as friends, one set dress like polar opposites and the other identical/coordinated at all times I think the matchy twins look cute but I also love how the other set can look so alike but so different at the same time.

[bellabelly]

My twin girls are not identical but look v similar. They like to match each other (ie dress the same) most days.
My twin boys (they look v different) are less fussed but wear school uniform so do dress identically most of the time.
It's not an issue for any of us. I get quite cross when random strangers decide to judge us - favourably or not - on what my kids are wearing. Hope this helps.

[PhaedraIsMyName]

Not a mother of twins but I don't like seeing it.

[m0therofdragons]

I don't like newborns in denim or babies in football kits but don't get as angry as people seem to on here, just wouldn't dress my own kids like it. Why do you care what my dc wear? Please don't feel sorry for them, we are a very happy family. Feel sorry for kids with unhappy families, maybe ones who cannot afford clothes for example.

[m0therofdragons]

School children in uniform all wear the same yet come out as individuals. This may shock some posters. Anyway, off to bed now.

[notatrophywife]

If I saw twins dressed the same above the age of about 21 months I'd assume they decided for themselves that they wanted to dress the same. That's what mine do at 2 - more a case of one wanting what the other has than wanting to be the same, most of the time. It's no issue as they're non-id but even if they were I'd just cut one's hair differently and avoid the issue that way - no way do I have time as a twin mum to be adjudicating over who gets to wear what in the morning. Surprised to see the OP, also a twin mum, didn't think about that. When you have twins isn't pretty much every sort of policy decision about making things as easy as possible? See also baby led weaning (because I can't spoon feed you at the same time) and laid back potty training (you're going to have to figure it out yourself because I can't be following both of you around with a potty for a month!)

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

MrsWolowitz
You beat me to it

OP I'm not sure how you didn't expect angry and defensive answers when your opening post was so incredibly rude and judgey!

By all means you don't have to like it, but there was no need to get so uppity about it.

My brothers had an 18 month age gap, and my Mum used to dress them in the same t-shirt on days out, as one had autism and was prone to wandering off, it was a safety measure in the sense of if he did manage to get away from us (never, but he'd done it previously at school) we could find him easily enough by saying to people he is wearing x tshirt same as his brother. This idea came about because a friend of the family lost her child at the zoo, became flustered and announced he was wearing a yellow tshirt and blue shorts, so everyone completely overlooked the child wearing yellow shorts and a blue tshirt (he was found safe and sound half hour later, in the play area)
When you are worried about your child, the little details can escape you.
This led to my younger brothers both wanting to dress the same on other days too, should my Mum not have done that? Is that just as 'creepy'? Or because there is a discernable difference is it O.K?

I don't get how it is 'creepy'? Maybe not to your taste, but babies in football strips isn't to mine, but I don't give a stuff if someone chooses to dress their child in one.

My boys are treated as individuals, always have been, always will be, and the way they dress doesn't affect that. Even when they dress the same, they are x and y, not both z!

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

LoonvanBoon
If your school is not treating your twins as individuals then perhaps you should have a word?
I have honestly never had this problem with my boys. They have always been treated by individuals at their school as well as at home.
They may have had the occasional 'Oh, your brother chose this activity, would you like the same' but I honestly feel that is in tune with the fact that 98-99% of the time DO like to do the exact same things. On the occasional times they have chosen something different, there has never been any comment of 'Oh are you sure?' Not as far as I know any way...

The only difference with my boys at school at the moment is that one plays football at lunchtime, one plays chase... That is literally the only difference, they are the same levels for work, they are in separate classes but if the teachers compare their work that they have done on their own (i.e not specifically set by the teacher.. write down a little story using your own content etc) They'll often write about the same subject
Their teachers are often amused by it.
When we go to parents evenings, the next teacher often repeats much of what the first teacher said.
It's very spooky. I know one other set of ID twins and they are so different from each other.
I'm often surprised my boys aren't lumped in as one, given that they are clones of each other (and believe me, I have tried not to let them be, but hey.. I've given up trying, they are who they are)

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

OP, I am genuinely interested to know what you will do if your twins ever do decide that they just have to be dressed the same? Will you let them? Or as you seem to hate it so much, will you upset one/both of them by forcing them not to? Will you worry so much about people judging you for it that you will make your children wear different clothes?


By the same thread, those of you who choose for your twins to dress the same, when they don't want to be dressed the same any more, will you force them?

I will continue to allow my twins to dress the same if they wish. If people want to judge me for it either on here, or IRL that's fine, it's their problem, not mine.

Funny enough, they've just come in for non uniform today not matching at all, not one item of clothing is the same as the other.
Yesterday, they matched right down to their socks and pants.

[Retropear]

Monty I so agree and it's very sad.

I had 3 in 15 months(including twins)and never,ever needed to dress them the same and they never asked to. Why would they? And as for needing them to be the same to keep an eye on them,what utter tosh.

My sister's twins are so identical even she can't tell them apart- special bond err no.They are totally different kids with the same closeness as my 3 have for each other.My boys love their sister exactly the same as they love each other.My sister and I strive for individuality. Neither of us want kids going out in the world thinking they need a crutch,they don't.Life isn't like that and neither of us want adult men living together with cats for company because mummy made them into dolls to boost her own self esteem.

[Retropear]

And kids wouldn't ask to be dressed the same if it had never been an option and there weren't identical clothes in the house.Just sayin.

[4X4]

In the ME I often see whole familes of kids dressed the same. Once in Dubai Mall, 7 girls from baby to preteen dressed in burberry pinafores, matching tights and identical shoes . Must have wiped out the store !
My fours sons like to dress like their father so are often similar in dress. The twins more often than not choose the same clothes.
Also clothes wise there is much less choice for boys anyway . Even if I wanted them different its hard to be smart and not similar .

[NCISaddict]

I am friends with one of identical triplets who were all dressed differently and she hated it as a child, with the innate sense of injustice that children have she felt she was always dressed in the less 'pretty' colour/style. As an adult she can see that was ridiculous but as a child she wanted to wear the same as at least one sibling but her Mother had bought in to the idea that it would be bad for their individuality of they were dressed the same.

None of them now speak to the others(aged late 40s) but all have such similar looks, mannerisms and ideas it is difficult for those of us that know all three to not mention it. It's very sad that they don't benefit from the bond siblings can have but they do blame all their issues on being identical triplets.

[Delphiniumsblue]

I can see why people might when they are very little but not once they get to about 4 yrs and dress themselves in the morning.

[bonkersLFDT20]

This is an interesting thread.

To those who have said their ID twins insist on dressing identically, I wonder whether you feel you as their parent feel you should insist they make them self be identifiable as individuals, especially for school?

Parents insist their children do all sorts of things. Just because our child insists they won't want to brush their teeth, we don't go along with it, do we?

mrswool said "Unless I dress X is stripes and Y in spots every day from here to eternity they will always be asked which one they are every day. I'd hate that for my kids and like that they have a say in what they wear."

I would not do that all the time, but I think I would do this for school. As others have said, uniform is all the same anyway, so why not have one child in a white polo top everyday, and one in a different colour and say to the children "I think it's important that your teachers know that you are Helen and you are Anne"

And mrswool said "So your 3 yo DTs both choose the same outfit and you'd tell them no? You'd only let one wear the outfit and make the other wear one that they didn't want to wear? Or would you take away their freedom to choose their outfits?"

Well, yes, I think I would actually. To me, I think my desire to forge independence in them would trump their freedom of choice - IN THIS SITUATION.

[Retropear]

If you do it from little they will learn to think it's normal,it isn't.

[OneInEight]

I occasionally dressed my twins the same when they were babies and very cute they looked too but it rarely lasted very long before one or other spilt something down them and needed changing. I was certainly not going to change both whenever they needed new clothes.

Believe you me you get enough attention with twin babies without having to dress them the same to increase it.

We did find though that if you put them in different clothes people used this for identification rather than looking for differences in facial features etc. They are not identical but even today (they are now 11) I have to look twice if they decide to put on each others shirt. Mind you I never did have to resort to the toe nail varnish trick I knew one mum with identical boy twins had to resort too when hers were tiny to tell them apart.