to think that identical twin children should not be dressed the same?

[nutdust]

so, declaring my interest, i have identical twins and absolutely never dress them the same, for lots of reasons but mainly to help others identify who is who & to foster their individuality.
i'm not, & have never been in two minds about this decision, so the reason i'm posting is because i'm really curious to find out what others think when they see identical twins dressed exactly the same, because it makes me immediately want to tap the parents on the shoulder & ask them why on earth they are doing this, i.e. further emphasising their sameness & making them look like a cutesy side-show. there are long-term studies that evidence the unhelpful impact this has on the twin children. that trouble is, the twin parent community is a very polite one & there is never an opportunity to just ask; 'so why the hell do you dress your kids to look exactly the same?!'
so, what do you think? does it not even register or do you feel agrieved on behalf of the twins?

For me, there is a clear difference between children (twins or sibs) occasionally being dressed the same and identical twins (or sibs, though haven't come across that personally) being dressed exactly the same every day. I don't understand why anyone would want to do the latter for any number of reasons, but such a high number of parents of identicals seem to do it that there must be some reason I'm not seeing, and I'd love to know what it is.
I have b/g twins, and a slightly elder DD. I used occasionally to get them all to wear, say, orange t-shirt, blue shorts, to help me pick them out in a crowd and the girls very occasionally choose to wear the same dress, but the every day thing, really don't get it!!

*To those who have said their ID twins insist on dressing identically, I wonder whether you feel you as their parent feel you should insist they make them self be identifiable as individuals, especially for school?

Parents insist their children do all sorts of things. Just because our child insists they won't want to brush their teeth, we don't go along with it, do we? *

No, but not brushing their teeth is going to give them cavities, toothache and more... wearing the same clothes does not affect their health.

Ridiculous comparison IMHO

As a parent to twins, I do not feel that insisting they dress differently is worth upsetting them for... I'd rather save the mean mum routine for things that actually matter, you know like personal hygiene etc

Sorry I call the shots on lots of things and take away choice re lots of things,dressing identical is one.

You are individuals boys,nurture it.Funnily enough not growing up thinking they're human dolls they have never once asked for the same items when out shopping,quite the reverse actually.

I regard mums who pierce their babies ears or who allow their daughters to dress in hooker like clothes in the same vein as mums who dress their kids identically.If you want to make a statement do it to yourself,kids are not fashion accessories.

mrswolo There is no need to call my opinion a load of crap.

I was clear that I was talking about a specific situation - that in school I would want teachers to be able to tell my children apart.

2boys The teeth brushing was an example. I was merely stating that we don't always go along with what our children choose.

I totally respect the right of parents to allow their ID children to dress identically, I just don't understand it, that's all. In enabling me to understand it, I have asked some questions and stated how I feel. I am interested in what parents of ID twins think on the matter.

retropear

I also call the shots in my house, my kids all know where they stand.
Clothes have always been something they can choose for themselves, within reason.
My twin boys can dress the same if they want, however I won't send them outside if they are wearing trousers with a hole in the bum, even though he protests they are his favourite trousers, and I am a mean mummy
I won't dress my 2 year old DD in a bikini or skirts that only just cover her backside.
None of mine have their ears pierced, and won't until they are old enough to make that decision for themselves, and they have to ask me more than once as I want to make sure they are not doing it on a whim, or to be like a friend.

Just because they dress the same, does not mean they are not individual people.
My twins are the same in more ways than not, not through my choice, but theirs, but there are a lot of differences too, for example Twin A is braver than Twin B, more willing to take risks. Twin B prefers swimming, Twin A prefers football.

Taking away their choice of clothing is just not something I am willing to do. Simple as that.

What works for one family, doesn't for another, that doesn't mean it is wrong

I had 3 DC in 3.5 years (no twins) and often dressed them the same / similarly for the first few years. They all had the same bright orange winter coat - brilliant for keeping track of them in playgrounds etc. And they often all wore the same t-shirt. They liked it, and I thought it looked cute - and again, helpful at places like soft play for me.

Once, at an airport, DH lost me and DS2 - he went up to an airline official, held up DS1 and said 'Have you seen a woman with a child who looks like this?' The official had, and send DH in the right direction

Now the oldest is nearly 7 I don't deliberately dress them the same. They have a few things the same, and occasionally happen to wear them on the same day. They also have a few things like beach towels/hats etc. where they all have a different colour version of the same item.

It's not a big deal. Being overly anal about dressing them the same or dressing them 'completely differently' is more of a problem IMO.

2boys, re. school, my boys' school is pretty good generally, but you can't police everything individuals say & do. Luckily the boys are more than happy to make the point themselves if they do feel they're not being treated as individuals.

LoonvanBoon
Mine too. They think it's hilarious when people get it wrong.
They've never gotten angry about it, they know there is no point. They understand that people don't get them wrong on purpose.

But then, people get siblings that are years apart wrong too, just ask my sister who was called by my name most of her school life despite the fact she started after I left!

My two boys will often be dressed on the same theme - so they might both be wearing the same jumper but one is blue and one is green. Or if we're going to a party they might both be wearing shirts but different patterns.

They both have different likes for clothes - one always wants to look "smart" whereas the other want to look "cool".

I'm a lazy shopper though and just like to be able to go "jeans - yes I'll have two pairs" If they're choosing their own clothes to buy, I will give them parameters such as "it's for aunty E's party so look for shirts" but other than that leave them to it.

There are two sets of adult identical twins who live in my town who are dressed the same whenever I have seen them. I often want to ask them if they live together or phone each other to coordinate.
All the other multiples I know and there a lot, dress differently and even if they were dressed the same I could tell who was who because they act and speak differently.
My two youngest are 16 months apart and have some matching clothes coats, wellies and a couple of tops. Mostly because whatever item was a bargain and it seems daft to pay more for a non matching one.

There is no need to call my opinion a load of crap.

There is when it's a load of hypocritical, counter-productive nonsense. "In order to encourage my kids to be individual and free, I'll take away their freedom and choice" confused

• in what way was I being hypocritical?
• in what way is my opinion counter-productive?

If a teacher cannot tell two people apart then I think he/she will struggle to treat them as individuals. A small way to differentiate between two identical people would help the teacher. This is MY opinion.

2boys The teeth brushing was an example. I was merely stating that we don't always go along with what our children choose.

It's still a rubbish example. "No child you must clean your teeth" is good parenting and necessary. "No child, you cannot wear that jumper because your sister is wearing a similar one" is bad parenting (IMO) and unnecessary.

Well, that's fine and your choice. It's not what I would do, that's all.
I would probably say "No child, I would like you to wear the white polo top so that Mrs. Hall knows that you are Anne".

Actually, I would probably defer to the teacher. It seems there are differing opinions and so maybe one teacher may not mind not being able to tell two children apart, whereas one may like to.

Admittedly, I haven't read all the posts. However as an identical twin and a mother of identical twins, I think people are getting very excited about nothing. My DTS used to like wearing the same clothes or similar, I saw no harm whatsoever in this. As they grew, they chose slightly different styles and rarely wear the exact same clothes. They have different hair styles as they are still at school and obviously, the uniform makes it difficult for people to identify which is which. However, they are very close and share the same tastes. I am the same with my DSis, we often turn up to family gatherings in almost identical outfits. So what? We like the same things. We are separate people, and all our families and friends recognise this.

I totally agree with Retropear. If you never buy matching outfits from the word go, it's not going to occur to them to want to do that, is it? You can still let them choose what they wear, if you must. If they squabble and want the same outfit, today it's A's turn and tomorrow it's B's turn to choose first. As you would with any two children wanting to play with the same toy at the same time - take turns. Or do twins have to have one each of every toy?

The safety argument of keeping track of two children at Softplay etc seems like a non-argument. What does everyone else with more than one child do? Can you really not remember what two children are wearing? How odd.

The matchy matchy thing just doesn't strike me as very healthy and I don't understand why people think it's cute, at all.

The safety argument of keeping track of two children at Softplay etc seems like a non-argument. What does everyone else with more than one child do? Can you really not remember what two children are wearing? How odd.

It worked for me, Retrospear (and with 3 DC, not 2 btw). I wasn't stating a rule others should follow - OP was wondering why people dressed their DC the same, and that was a reason why I did. I am partially-sighted, so it was especially helpful for me. DH isn't, and found it quite useful too.

goofy So....how many people presume the ID twins in your family is an inherited trait then? Cos ID twins isn't an inherited trait, is it.

I was once part of a conversation:

Random Person: are you and Helen twins?
Me: No, she is more than a year older than me.
RP: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, I'm sure.
RP: Really, because you look identical.
Me: Emm, OK then you're right.

Boggle. She just wasn't having any of it!

No, not at all. I regularly see triplets dressed the same (and twins of course) and certainly don't feel the need to tap their parents on the shoulder and I hope you wouldn't actually do that.

My identical twins choose for themselves. I personally think this choosing is important; I don't think they should be forced, once they are old enough to have a say, to wear the same, or to wear different clothes - I think either is wrong at this stage. Mine went through a phase of not wanting to dress 'twinnie' but now sometimes they will wear a similar outfit. Where they are in a situation where they have to wear a uniform (or they have chosen to wear similar clothes) they tend to have their hair done differently, so that people can tell them apart.

And in the baby and early days, I know many parents of twins who dress the same for reasons of practicality. Two similar outfits hung/folded together in the wardrobe can be time saving.

bonkers I am still amazed by the number of people who assume that I would have expected to have ID twins, because I am one, many of these people were midwives . Of course, I feel blessed to have them, because they feel relatively normal as they have always seen their mum and aunt looking the same, sharing birthdays, being best friends, rah. I also had the experience of my DM giving me loads of invaluable advice when they were born.

About to have DC4 and literally everyone is asking 'are you sure it's not twins again?' Um yes, the scan confirms it. 'Are you sure?'

I used to stick my three (all different ages, two boys ,one girl) in the same coloured t shirts and shorts/trousers when going to busy events or soft play. Made it much easier to spot them so I can quite understand why parents of multiples do it.

"To me, I think my desire to forge independence in them would trump their freedom of choice - IN THIS SITUATION."

There some stats (they used to be linked on twinsclub, one set) that show forcing twins to be 'individual' can have quite the opposite effect, and they're more likely to achieve this naturally by being allowed to make their own decisions independently.

Never dressed ours the same - would never buy two the same of anything unless its buy one get one free, to me its a waste of money and they chose their own clothes have done since they can get them selves dressed. Don't judge others that do that's just a choice.