to think that identical twin children should not be dressed the same?

[nutdust]

so, declaring my interest, i have identical twins and absolutely never dress them the same, for lots of reasons but mainly to help others identify who is who & to foster their individuality.
i'm not, & have never been in two minds about this decision, so the reason i'm posting is because i'm really curious to find out what others think when they see identical twins dressed exactly the same, because it makes me immediately want to tap the parents on the shoulder & ask them why on earth they are doing this, i.e. further emphasising their sameness & making them look like a cutesy side-show. there are long-term studies that evidence the unhelpful impact this has on the twin children. that trouble is, the twin parent community is a very polite one & there is never an opportunity to just ask; 'so why the hell do you dress your kids to look exactly the same?!'
so, what do you think? does it not even register or do you feel agrieved on behalf of the twins?

[missymarmite]

YABU. I wouldn't choose to dress my kids the same either, but it's up to the parents and it's hardly going to do any harm to young children. I'd be a bit more with older kids but there are worse things parents could inflict on children than dodgy clothes.

[bonkersLFDT20]

I guess I would want my ID twins to want to dress in a way that enabled people to tell them apart ie that they felt it important to be known as individual people rather than accept that they were ID and as a result most people would not know who was who.

That's not to say I would not cherish the fact they were pretty miraculous and recognise that people are naturally intrigued.

[broomseed]

I too know of two elderly ladies, id twins who dress exactly the same. They're quite famous locally (one of the regular posters on Mumsnet, from my area, started a thread about them a while ago). One of the locals told us that they were never allowed to dress the same when younger. I do wonder if that may have had an influence.

[broomseed]

"Refusing to let your children dress alike ever just because they're twins, even if they want to, is every bit as precious as insisting that they do dress alike just because they're twins."

This sums it up perfectly for me.
Denying choice, some even after they've reached an age they would usually have a say in what they wish to wear or be allowed to express an opinion, or even purchase their own clothes. I think that is most damaging, and even controlling.

Plus, you can still express individuality whilst wearing the same clothes. Think of school uniforms, and club uniforms of scouts, guides, ballet, sporting clubs etc, which your child will spend a good deal of their childhood wearing.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Chaviness aside, both are a fashion statement for the mother, by the mother, to please the mother and are completely unneccessary
This doesn't really make sense as a criticism.
How the bejesus is one supposed to dress their DCs? Ought we to leave them nekkid until they can articulate a preference for their own clothes?
The clothes that babies (assuming someone has the money to make a choice) wear are always subject to the choice of the adult.

[NinjaLeprechaun]

Refusing to let your children dress alike ever just because they're twins, even if they want to, is every bit as precious as insisting that they do dress alike just because they're twins.

I'm not sure about colour coding them either. I know adult twins who hate and refuse to wear a particular colour, ever, because they had no choice about it as a child.

[wonderingsoul]

I don't get it.. Purely because surely you'd have more clothes to share...

I'm the same with presents though.. With some exceptions like teddy's etc

[goofygoober]

Still baffled so because they have identical faces, you should encourage them to dress differently. Bullshit. You're saying they shouldn't be allowed to look the same? Why? The clothes don't stop their different personalities.

If they want to dress in the same clothes, let them, if they want to dress completely differently, let them. Just because you are their parents and they are identical, why can't they bloody say what they want to do? My mother did the right thing with us, never discouraged us against wanting to look the same - I never stopped my boys doing it either.

We've got 2 old ladies in our town who dress the same, they probably live together and do everything together too. If that's how they chose to live, who cares?

[DroppingIn]

My twin boys look totally different, one has always been a head taller than the other as well. The smaller one (well not so small at 5ft 7in at 12 years old) also wears glasses and has done since he was 4.

I admit to purposefully dressing them the same so people would perhaps recognize that they were twins so they would understand why I looked like a nervous wreck most of the time and not think that I was crazy enough to have chosen to have two close together that I obviously could not handle!

[nutdust]

(OP here)
fuck me, i wish i'd never asked...
what was that i said about twin parents being polite?!

[broomseed]

In my own experience (would be interested to hear if others have found similar). It's more likely to be those with non id twins, even boy/girl twins who do the identical dressing or matching outfits, or the "Yes, we're twins!" T shirts.

[TheLastThneed]

Last year I saw male identical twins who looked around 40. They were dressed identically, right down to shoes and sunglasses.

When I saw them they were both texting on an iPhone and standing in exactly the same pose...I'm sure there must have been a hidden camera somewhere...

[bundleofnerves]

I have id twin girls. Would never dress them the same. The more recent twin books I've read advise against it. To answer the poster above - the fact that they look the same is the reason why you shouldn't dress them the same imo, not the reason you should! Because it's not good for anyone's sense of self to be considered or consider oneself as part of a unit, as not an individual. But I think it's different for two sisters with an age gap to be dressed the same because that problem won't arise.

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

I'm a non-ID twin, but my sister and I look v alike. Mum cut my hair before we started school so that the school would be able to tell us apart. I hated it, not because we didn't match but because I thought long hair was prettier. We were rarely dressed identically, but we did often have the same item in different colours. Mine were always red and DSis's were always blue. Mum felt very strongly that we ought to be seen as individuals so she wasn't keen on ID clothes. That said, we did have some - same shoes etc, and we shared underwear/socks and school shirts until we left home. Mostly, though, we had eg a black wool coat in slightly different styles.

Mum also hated us being addressed as 'the twins' or 'twinnies'. We were much less bothered than she was!

As teenagers we and our best friends would frequently wear similar outfits in different colours. It was the 90s, so think flared low- rise jeans and the same Topshop cropped vest, one pink, one blue, one white, one red. We grew out of it!

[broomseed]

I have no doubt

[Retropear]

Sorry to disappoint but not me I'm afraid.

[broomseed]

Not that that applies to Retro! Ahem.

[broomseed]

Retro, you used the 'c' word You do know what they say about people who use that word?

I'm going to quote an old poster, partially anyway

"Someone who uses the word 'chav' is one rung higher than a chav on the social ladder, being inarticulate, poorly educated and desperate not to be considered a chav. Working class. They'd have a Kayleigh and a Liam."

[wheresthelight]

I can see both sides to be honest, whilst I do think twin babies look cute dressed the same but as they get older I do think k they should be encouraged to be more individual

As a former teacher and guider it is a nightmare to tell them apart even dressed differently but it at least gives you a fighting chance!

[goofygoober]

I find it quite sad to think that some parents are actively discouraging their ID twins against looking the same - but why is it a bad thing? Aren't they identical? Why are we telling them that looking the same is wrong? They are born that way. If they like the same things, why is that wrong? If my two choose the same item of clothing, then they'll probably wear it at different times. Sometimes they will go out looking the same.

As I said to the relative who moaned about the DTs same choice of sunglasses - why tell them that looking the same is wrong? They were born that way. As an ID twin myself, this thread has made feel

[broomseed]

I'm and at the strong opinions.

[bevelino]

I have identical triplets and have never dressed them the same, particularly at school to avoid confusing everyone. My girls are now in their early teens and although they like the same things they have always been treated as individuals and have always looked and acted as individuals. They have separate interests and friendship groups which is healthy.

[RainbowsStars]

I can't see the point in buying two of everything, I think I'd buy one of something and let them share it if they wanted to. That said, I know one mother of ID twins and she doesn't buy them their own clothes - they have one of everything (but twice as many) and they share all of their clothes except undies, pjs and shoes.

[whydoIhavetodoeverything]

Just gonna put this out there - in my town, there are two middle aged twin men who are regularly seen walking around town - they wear exactly the same outfit, glasses, shoes, hairstyle, carry the same plastic bag in the same side hand, walk with the same left/right foot, and work in the same office. Never seen apart. Anyone who lives in my town will know these men. A good reminder to treat my twins as individuals, and to not fuck them up!

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

Goofy
Like you, I highly doubt my boys will be 'damaged' in later life, but if they are, I promise to pay for the therapy. Maybe that will help ease the nay sayers minds a bit

*I still really don't understand the judgement for something so insignificant, and doesn't affect them :/